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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think that refunding someone for a purchase means you’re under no further obligation to them?

42 replies

AmNotAtAllPregnant · 27/09/2020 14:20

Long story short, against my better judgement I decided to sell my iPhone via Facebook Marketplace. I advertised it for a fair price and was bombarded with responses. One woman who expressed interest and made an offer very close to the asking price then suddenly said she needed me to post the phone to her and that she was only willing to pay via PayPal.

This is the “against my better judgement” part. I agreed to the sale. She sent the money via PayPal but the amount was £10 short of the agreed price and her payment was flagged by PayPal as “high risk” and put on hold for 21 days. I explained to her what had happened and sent her a screenshot from PayPal showing her payment is on hold. She then told me I must send the phone anyway and that as long as she’s happy with it she will then tell PayPal all is good and the money will be released to me.
I got a bad feeling about it all.

So I asked PayPal to put a refund through to this woman and I apologised to her and said I’d decided to sell the phone to someone in person instead.
She is now demanding to come over to my home (a 70 or so mile drive from her) this afternoon to “check the phone works” and “transfer money into your bank account right there and then.”
Erm…..I don’t want to sell it to her.
I’ve a history of being a real people pleaser (legacy from a severely abusive childhood where I’d get kicked or punched if I wasn’t super “nice”) and just being overly nice and compliant.
Surely I owe her nothing at all??

I’m such a people-pleasing mess that I feel like I don’t have the right to say “no you’re not coming to my house. I’m sorry but I’ve refunded you and the sale is off.”

OP posts:
Rigamorph · 27/09/2020 16:16

If something doesn't feel right, trust your gut.

She will find another iPhone. You have proof that the refund is pending. You don't owe her anything.

CecilyP · 27/09/2020 16:23

You’re right, you owe her nothing! It’s still your phone to do what you like with. Tell her to stop harassing you and definitely don’t give her your address.

Binglebong · 27/09/2020 17:07

Here's what happens. She takes the phone and gives you the money , when she gets home something doesn't work properly so she sends it back to you and refunds. Only somehow it never arrives...

fatherfintanstack · 27/09/2020 17:18

so sorry to hear about the awful abuse you suffered OP. But please know you are in the right here. Its the past that is making you second guess yourself Flowers

You're well within your rights to refund her the full amount and that be the end of it.

You don't owe her any more explanation and she certainly does not need to come to your house. Does she have your address?

Luckypoppy · 27/09/2020 17:23

PayPal automatically holds your first large payment for 21 days. This is to check you aren't a scammer. The people who are saying she's a scammer because of this are wrong.

Has she received her money back yet?

Don't worry OP. I'm sure she will give up soon. She may have been inconvenienced but there's no need for her to be rude to you.

GenevaL · 27/09/2020 17:32

She didn’t pay you the correct amount and then her payment was flagged as iffy. Even though it wasn’t, that’s still two perfectly valid reasons to cancel the sale and sell to someone else. I’ve got 100% feedback on 1800 transactions and I’ve only ever had two flag like this: it does cause a lot of faff and confusion so I don’t blame you. It’s your house, not a public shop so of course YANBU.

happinessischocolate · 27/09/2020 17:38

PayPal automatically holds your first large payment for 21 days. This is to check you aren't a scammer. The people who are saying she's a scammer because of this are wrong.

So why would this be her first large PayPal transaction if she has good reviews on other fb sites? It's a scam, there's a whole variety of ways she could be doing it but it's definitely not legit.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 27/09/2020 17:43

DOES SHE HAVE YOUR ADDRESS?

sapnupuas · 27/09/2020 17:45

Did you ask her why the money was short?

Alwaysinpain · 27/09/2020 17:54

@AlwaysCheddar

Tell her to do one! Scam artist!
Actually the Paypal hold thing is genuine. They do this for all high-value sales or new sellers. They hold the funds, the seller has to send the item and then when the buyer receives it (or tracking says delivered) the funds are released. Or after 21 days. Whichever is soonest.
Alwaysinpain · 27/09/2020 17:54

@FaceTheRaven80

This is a scam. Block her!
Actually the Paypal hold thing is genuine. They do this for all high-value sales or new sellers. They hold the funds, the seller has to send the item and then when the buyer receives it (or tracking says delivered) the funds are released. Or after 21 days. Whichever is soonest.
Alwaysinpain · 27/09/2020 17:56

@happinessischocolate

PayPal automatically holds your first large payment for 21 days. This is to check you aren't a scammer. The people who are saying she's a scammer because of this are wrong.

So why would this be her first large PayPal transaction if she has good reviews on other fb sites? It's a scam, there's a whole variety of ways she could be doing it but it's definitely not legit.

No, the seller's first large transaction - OP's! They also do it for new sellers.
12309845653ghydrvj · 27/09/2020 17:59

OP saying no is a muscle that you need to work on!!!!

Original poster
AmNotAtAllPregnant · 28/09/2020 00:58

@Alwaysinpain
It's not my first transaction.
For some reason this particular payment got flagged.

As for sending the phone and then waiting for her to confirm receipt in order to release the payment, she could very easily claim the phone "wasn't as described" or something and that payment might never be released.

She kept aggressively saying "PayPal is essential because it gives us both safety." Actually PayPal gives HER safety. It doesn't benefit me.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 28/09/2020 01:06

Paypal can be a right git.

It will hold payments to new sellers, this happened to someone I was paying for a service who had not used her biz paypal account before, took 60 days to release the funds to her!

Did the same to me when I set my biz account up.

It will also hold a payment from someone who is paying via their account from a bank account, so the funds werent in her paypal, but in her bank, and paypal can't be certain the funds are really available..

I suspect she might have been planning on recieving the phone and then cancelling her payment to you, which is possible.

Luckypoppy · 30/09/2020 23:27

Held my first big sale (£300) for 60 days even though I'm a regular smaller seller.

BashfulClam · 01/10/2020 00:32

Block her. As long as she doesn’t have your address you’re fine.

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