"What is the point of them being at university?" Does your young person prefer living with you to living with people their age?

[avenueq]

Mine don't but is that just me?
I hear this on the news all the time. They've had six months of being in their parents' house.
What I see online at many unis things are going fine and students are enjoying the independence

I think that age is less relevant. Many adults in shared accommodation are not enjoying living with others who they’ve just met under covid restrictions. If they don’t get on with those in the household, they’re stuck and some aren’t able to meet people outside their household really. Many of my friends are nearly 30, but in shared accommodation and hating it at the moment. Equally, uni students don’t have the same amount of life experience, may not know the area or who to approach if struggling and feel intimated by police presence. I don’t think it’s so much living with their own age, but whether someone has been able to connect with people they get on with, been able to get food in, have the same sorts of views on rules etc. If they haven’t, they may well prefer frustrating parents and family rules in an area they know than strangers who they don’t get on with, new rules and an area they haven’t got to know at all yet. It’s very situation dependent at the moment, in general most people enjoy living away from home even if the beginning is tough, but not everyone at the moment because of what’s going on. Sometimes there are some students you barely see at uni, we had one that never came out of their room, barely even to cook (had things in room). If you’ve got a flat with two students like that and one other who really doesn’t get on with you, you’re likely to feel stuck.

(My SIL started uni this sept. Her uni have been very supportive and tried to organise events where possible while SD/in masks, but some students are anxious and struggling a lot, whereas others are enjoying it.)

My dd isn't university age but pretty sure she'd rather live with me that a collection of total strangers who she has no escape from because she can't socialise with anyone else.

Very hard for (some) freshers but my older DCs are still having a great time

It depends on the university (and the accommodation providers) and how they are handling it.

DD has gone this September and they have been fabulous and she is loving it. Some of her friends, the same. Other friends are struggling with everything cancelled and the lack of opportunities to meet people and/or spend time with people doing the same course.

I'd rather have them living at uni

I didn't want to live at home when at university.

However, there was no Covid back then. If I was at university right now, I'd prefer to live with my parents. Students en masse are very hard to predict, and that would have made me anxious about transmission.

I think the examples of halls in Scotland that have gone into self-isolation were inevitable, and must be really scary for the 17/18-year-olds living away for the first time. I think sometimes people forget freshers can be as young as 17 - they're still only babies!

I dont think 17 is a baby

Adult DD is very keen for the social experience and not to be stuck with us.
She is not like me, and that's ok. World needs all sorts.
Her course is also vocational so supposed to have many practical elements (health care professional).

I actively encouraged 2nd year DD to move into her rented house after 6 months at home. Even if there’s another lockdown it will be far better for her to be with her housemates than here at home for the sake of everyone’s mental health! In any case she has some face to face teaching this term, on a week on week off rota so no option for her not to be there.

I lived at home during uni, I managed to save up for a house deposit with working evenings and weekends as well as full time during the holidays. In that respect it was fantastic. Socially, not so much, I wasn't close to any of my peers who all lived together, they'd all pretty much made friends before I met them meaning I was the odd one out. I couldn't go on nights out with them (not so much of an issue now during Covid anyway I suppose) without a great deal of forward planning and I had a long commute which meant leaving on time rather than staying to chill with them in the pub. I am still in touch with one or two of my classmates but if being social and partying had been my thing then living at home would have been quite isolating and hard. Fortunately that wasn't a priority for me though!

There's no easy answer is there ?

I have felt very sorry for young adults in their late teens who have been forced to isolate at home with their families , not getting out to see their friends (including boy/ girlfriends) , even when out of lockdown as there could be a risk to older family members . Hence I was thinking during the summer how good it would be for them to get off to / or back to university .

Seeing the news now of students isolated in their rooms and a possibility of them not being able to return home for Christmas I have changed completely to thinking if I had an 18 year old in their first year I would not want them to go; it seems to be all of the negatives of uni with none of the positives .

That said, having spent the last week in a coastal university town they all seemed to be out enjoying themselves ; but will this result in more positive tests and isolation .

And in direct response to the question does your young person prefer living with you to living with people their age ?

When given the opportunity to move out from home during lockdown to be with his GF, our DS chose to move out to be with his GF. Saying that , we are not far away and are able to meet up frequently at the moment , so not the same as moving miles away on his own

DC1 goes into his first year in two weeks. Tbh he's gutted that he's one of the last to go. Definitely, definitely does not want to stay home.

@EyeSeeWhatYouDidThere

I lived at home during uni, I managed to save up for a house deposit with working evenings and weekends as well as full time during the holidays. In that respect it was fantastic. Socially, not so much, I wasn't close to any of my peers who all lived together, they'd all pretty much made friends before I met them meaning I was the odd one out. I couldn't go on nights out with them (not so much of an issue now during Covid anyway I suppose) without a great deal of forward planning and I had a long commute which meant leaving on time rather than staying to chill with them in the pub. I am still in touch with one or two of my classmates but if being social and partying had been my thing then living at home would have been quite isolating and hard. Fortunately that wasn't a priority for me though!

I found this during my first year when I lived at home too.

I'm not a partier, but I did find it affected the degree to which I was able to get everything I could out of university that year. Apart from meeting people, it was difficult to join societies and groups. I also found in my second year when I lived at the university that I was able to get a lot more out of my courses, because a lot of discussion went on after classes, in study groups, etc. There was a really communal element to the learning and a lot of it was informal.

I can't imagine how kids are getting much of the online versions of the types of courses I took. I'd be advising my kids not to go this year, I think.

Lol even a global pandemic wouldn’t have stopped me from moving out of mothers house to go to uni at 17.

Having to do lockdown with them would have been a nightmare. It’s actually lovely to read that some of your kids would rather stay home than dash out of the door!