Is feeling this way 4months after a baby normal?

[BigMomma164]

First time poster so please be gentle. Sorry in advance for the long post
First time mom. LO is 4 months old.
My worry is that since I've had LO, I find myself constantly snapping at DH.
The birth was traumatic. Ended up in hospital for a week (with no visitors because of Coronavirus) and in the end had to have an emergency section at 1AM. LO was healthy and got off to a great start breastfeeding (and still going at 4 months to my pleasant surprise)
I love being off work and spending time with LO. However the pace of life and the restrictions are something I'm not used to. I'm used to a high powered job where I get paid a good amount. I'm also used to just jumping in the car and driving to wherever I feel like etc. So I've been struggling with the reduced pay and the fact that I can't just run off shopping when I want to. I don't have any friends or family nearby. I'm a city girl but moved to a small town to be with DH. It wasn't as big an issue when I had the flexibility to go out farther but now it's so difficult. I have in laws around but they aren't very good at childcare. My family live 3 hours away.
Basically I've been getting more snappy at DH. I find myself shouting at him or giving him silent treatment over silly things like not changing the baby's nappy soon enough.
I don't know why I get so irritated but I think it's related to how dramatically my life has changed. Whereas DH still gets to go out and do things without having to worry about childcare. Whereas if I want to do something like to to the shops or take an online class, I feel like I have to plan it so meticulously around baby and DH being available and DH doesn't understand this. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed or underappreciated. Like some days are such a hard slog and I'm so exhausted. But I wouldn't give this time with my LO up for anything! It's so precious.
What makes me more sad about my behaviour is that DH is trying really hard. He always offers to take baby to give me a break and has increased his housework contributions and reduced his social activities to support me.
What I'm trying to decipher is whether this is normal. It has gotten significantly better after the 3 month mark but I wish I could go back to my emotional states pre baby. I hate how easily I get angry. Last night DH said he feels emotionally abused by me always shouting at him and it made me so sad.
I really want to get better. I don't think I'm depressed. My mood is good. I'm eating and sleeping well. And even managing to squeeze in a leisure activity or two a week. Baby and I go out often, even if just to the supermarket.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Like I just want to switch off and sleep without waking to feed / nappy change.
I'm told I'm doing really well for a first time mom but I'm sad as I feel DH takes the brunt of it.
Is how I'm feeling normal? Is it just me missing my previously self indulgent lifestyle? Has anyone else felt this way? Does it get better?
Just looking for some experiences and support really.

Sooooooooo normal. I would go as far to say I hated DH at points when DS was little. I posted on here asking advice about the very same thing. Resentment, isolation, grief at the loss of my old life while his continued reasonably uninteruppted. It's hard. Objectively do you think he is pulling his weight? Is there anything specific you want him to be doing that he's not.

Your world has been turned upside down, with an added side of a global pandemic. It definitely does get easier. Be kind to yourself, you sound like you're doing a great job

Totally normal. Some mums struggle more with their loss of independence then others do, usually because they were more independent in the first place.

I struggled and knew from way in that I would be happier back at work. It was wet tough juggling ft work and two little ones, with a partner working 2h away so out early back late but it was better for my sanity.

My kids were demanding children, needing a lot of stimulation so nursery actually suited them well.

No matter how much you love your baby, you might find that going back to work ft or pt works better for you.

Do keep in mind though that you'll miss your baby at least to start with so that this period at home is to be made the most of.

Oh I second the advice about going back to work helping.

Yep definitely normal; I’ve just had my second baby and feel like that all over again. I found it for easier as my DD (now 3) got older; around the 1 year mark it definitely started feeling easier and going back to work helped me as I felt like I got my identity outside of a mum back and a certain amount of freedom of being able to pop out on my lunch break to do stuff helped. I also found it much easier to just put her in the car and go and see people easier as she got older as I didn’t need to work around nap and feed times so strictly and there was less stuff to contend with.

Thanks sooo much for your comments guys. It helps so much to know I'm not alone / acting abnormally. I shall try to enjoy what is left of my mat leave and my lil bubba!
And to think I thought mat leave would be like a year off!!

This is soo normal, which is why it is so important that you are in a good solid relationship before having a baby with a person. You sound like you’ve got a goodun there OP which is a bit of a double edged sword because when they’re understanding it just makes you feel more bloody guilty for snapping at them! . It will get easier though-if I remember rightly it took me about 6 months to fully adjust when I had my first baby- and when it does you may well find your love for your husband has grown even stronger for putting up with your shit

@Angelina82 Absolutely this re the guilt. When DH apologises for not doing enough even though he does so much it makes me feel sooooo bad. Hopefully I adjust soon. The 6m mark is not far off

The great thing about you @BigMomma164 is your self awareness and your capacity to take your DH’s feelings into consideration despite you struggling yourself, so I have no doubt you’ll get there soon. Good luck!

Thanks Everyone for your help. Showed this thread to DH and both of us feel a weight has been lifted!