Children going to lockdown area

[ohnonora]

Nc as this is likely quite outing.

I have 2DC aged 7 and 10 who see their dad EOW. He lives 250 miles away in another country in the UK, in an area which has been put into local lockdown.

The usual arrangement is the kids go to his parents who live half way between us and their dad. Their dad refuses to see kids without his wife and her son (9).

So next weekend, they've ruled out the usual arrangement due to the rule of 6. ExH is now saying the DC will have to make the 250mile journey to his home instead, which is in lockdown. He says as it's an existing contact arrangement (informal) it's ok.

I have concerns because surely it's a bad idea for the kids to go to an area in lockdown where they could potentially bring the virus back to their school and our area? I know that might sound dramatic but I feel like it's possibly defeating the object of lockdown areas?

I have suggested on this occasion the kids go to their paternal grandparents and see them on their own for once, which is something the paternal grandparents are always going on about, so I think it's a good solution. ExH is however saying it's not a solution and he won't entertain it.

AIBU?
Any ideas on solution?
I have solicitor appointment tomorrow but obviously would like to get some real life opinions. Prepared to be flamed if I'm being a loon!

It’s the dads contact weekend not the grandparents, so it’s not the same thing. I can see why you don’t want your kids going to a lockdown area but I don’t think you have a choice really.

I'm in a local lockdown area and DH is still seeing his children EOW. We also have 2 children together (1 school age) so similar situation.

If no one is shielding and all parties are being sensible and following the rules at other times, there's no reason why contact can't continue as your ex has proposed.

I think he's being a bit difficult tbh, especially if he could see the kids without his wife and son present (if there are only two grandparents and two kids, he could even take his son with him and just leave his wife at home). I don't think I'd be inclined to facilitate his wishes on this, if it were me, unless you are the one who moved away and he's willing to do pick up at least. I don't think there's much additional to worry about in terms of COVID though, as the dad lives in the area anyway and they'll be meeting him regardless of where that meeting occurs.

Just to clarify the other a child is a step son, not his biologically or anything.

The rule of the children not doing the journey to his during term time was put in place because otherwise they are spending 5 hours+ on a Friday night in the car travelling (not getting there until 10pm) and then doing the return journey on the Sunday early.

@ohnonora

Just to clarify the other a child is a step son, not his biologically or anything.

The rule of the children not doing the journey to his during term time was put in place because otherwise they are spending 5 hours+ on a Friday night in the car travelling (not getting there until 10pm) and then doing the return journey on the Sunday early.

Yep, and that's a bit rubbish for them. But if it's his time with them and he wants to waste it on the commute then that's his call, I guess. If the kids moan, I'd just say it's not up to you.

If I was you I wouldn’t want my DD making that journey because it would take up so much of her time - the lockdown part is an extra reason to resent it.

When I was a kid I had to make a similarly long journey to see my dad every fortnight and eventually I rebelled because I was missing so much back at home.

I agree with the PP who says they need to see their dad because that’s the arrangement - but longer term it won’t be sustainable because the kids will get sick of his time eating into theirs. He’ll need to address the fact that he will have to give them some of his time if he’s going to have a good relationship with them long term.

@Sohardtochooseausername that's exactly why I have always pushed for the travel to him arrangement to be a school holiday only. They resent the travel and to be honest they have clubs etc here they want to go to each week but only do fortnightly, but that's a whole other matter.

Their dad moved away, yet it's the kids who have to make the journey because it suits him. Always a bone of contention with me but I have to try and rise above it.

I don’t know how your relationship is with him, but can you talk to him about that? It is fairly serious (for him anyway.)

I had a pretty bad relationship with my dad from mid teens to mid 30s because he put his own needs so far ahead me and my sister’s. In the end she said he wouldn’t see him at all anymore and that got him asking what he’d done wrong.

As a result when my ex moved out (he was unfaithful to me) I convinced him to live near by because I knew what impact it would have on Dd if he moved away (he is from another place.)

Are you in a good enough place to talk to your ex about what’s happening?

Unfortunately I have tried many times to try to explain to him that the children have lives that he should be a part of. He's very much if the opinion that they have 2 lives, one at home and one with him. For example, my youngest has recently been scouted by a football team. I explained to ExH that this means he would want to play matches at the weekend etc. ExH says 'we'll get him into a team here too, then he can do it here too'.

The covid lockdown is a bit of a red herring unless you believe they will be out and about alot thevrusk of seeing your ex, partner and son wint change by travelling to their home.

However he is bring very inflexible and expecting you and dc to make all the effort. I would suggest you will take them to grandparents as usual, what he does then is completely up to him.