To consider myself as their step mum?

[Splash63]

I've been with my partner for a little over 5 years, I've been in his lovely DC's lives for 4 1/2 of those. We now have DC between us aswell.

We're not married and no plans to be (this is my choice, my preference) so with that in mind AIBU to still consider myself a "step mother" to his eldest DC?

Does the fact we're not married make that strange? Is it too soon?

It's up to the child to decide what they consider you to be I guess, they need to lead the way in what they are comfortable calling you.

It would seem reasonable as you are "acting" stepmom even if you are not legal stepmom. But if you value your life, never -- ever call yourself "Bonus mommy"!

I agree with that, Difficult.

Just to clarify, I'm not proposing the children start referring to me (or thinking of me) in any particular way.

I've always been "splash"

This was just about how I think of myself and the fact I do think of them that way. I haven't mentioned any of this to anybody, nor DP.

I was wondering whether other people thought it was strange or unacceptable for me to see myself that way given that we're not married.

Georgia

That did make me laugh.

Yes for all intents and purposes I'm an "acting" step mum, just not in the legal sense.

Sort of but I wouldn't use the term to them. The term step mum or dad has to be awarded by the child in my opinion. My friends kids asked her dp if they could call him dad, which I thought was so lovely, proof of true affection.

Moving, that is so lovely!

I agree. I would never ask them to give me that title, if they ever did it will be wonderful but certainly not expected of them.

I use step mums and step dad as shorthand for parent's live in partner. I think as a mum of the child's halfsibling you'd qualify for the stepmum position. I'd only use these terms in the abstract obviously, when talking to a child I'd refer to you as Splash.

My mum and step dad aren't married. Hes still my step dad/main father figure. Hes been a better father than my own, who died when I was 21.

I don’t really understand your question, but I don’t think it’s wrong to feel ‘motherly’ towards them despite the fact that you’re not married to their dad. Only you know how you feel, and if you feel like a mother figure to them in the sense that you love and care for them I think that’s really lovely

Like pp said though, I wouldn’t call yourself ‘stepmom’ or whatever until the kids raised it as something they want to do.