AIBU In laws buying everything for new house, feeling inadequate

[Alw2019]

Partner and myself have just bought a new house (he paid the deposit, I paid legal fees). We agreed I would pay bills mortgage etc as he's retraining for the next 3 years.

His mother gave him 50% equivalent of the deposit so we'd be better off as we needed to put a larger deposit down due to banks and covid.

This was a substantial amount mount of money for her to give him. I have come from a family that has struggled for money and I have been staying with my parents since my LO was born 3 years ago as they needed financial help and my dad has serious health issues.

Now my in laws want to buy us furniture, have the floors leveled as it's a cottage and they are uneven and are offering to pay for a lot of things.

I so believe that a lot of this spending is because my other half has recently had issues with his father and his father is using money as a way of trying to get his wife/other half's mum to forgive him for being so awful to her son.

My issue is, I have always had to be self sufficient from a young age and even support my parents financially and I am so embarrassed that they are spending this money on the house and my parents are not in a position to support the same.

Has anyone else felt like this? How do you stop feeling inadequate or guilty for accepting the help? I know my FIL can't comprehend that some parents aren't able to support their grown up children and has voiced this to my partner so I feel this embarrassment stems from that and it doesn't make it any easier.

I'll swap in laws with you if you want. My wealthy mil wouldn't throw crumbs at us if we were starving on the street.

Grange hill kids style - just say no.

Are they letting you choose what you have? This would be the main issue for me. If they are being controlling about what you are allowed I would have to say thanks but no thanks. If they are genuinely helping with no conditions then I would be grateful and swallow my pride.

My parents often wanted to buy things for me/ our house and knew my MIL was not in a position to do the same. Never an issue. My mum said it gave her and my dad so much pleasure to help out as they no longer needed the money as they had when they were younger. If I refused to accept or tried not to she would be ok but would always prefer to help out. She said she knew we needed the money now and for her to be able to see what had been bought was much nicer than getting it when she’d gone. This makes more sense now I’m older and am more financially able to help my DC’s when the time comes for them to buy their own houses.

it is quite normal for not only families to be in different financial situations but also to behave differently with money. My in-laws live in a multi million pound house and have never given us even a Christmas gift. My parents are less wealthy but downsized to small flat and gave their 4 kids am early inheritance to help with our mortgages. No strings attached though and that is the key.