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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irrationally irritated by something so silly?

14 replies

SofaKingIrritated · 26/09/2020 22:55

Name changed since outing.

Have been with DP for two years. Just before we got together he put an offer in on a house, which completed about three months in. It’s his first “proper” place to furnish from scratch, having done room rentals etc.

My advice at the time was to make sure, out of all the purchases he would be making that didn’t really matter, to buy a comfy bed and a comfy sofa. Try, test, sit, squidge etc, since you spend so much time on them.

Fast forward to the furniture arriving (we were not living together) and he has a dinky Scandi-style sofa that can just about seat 2 people and a tiny armchair. So only three people can sit in the (rather large) living room at any one time, you can’t stretch out on the sofa, the arms have no cushion. Uncomfortable.

As for the bed, he went from a king size in his house share to a small double. I asked him why he went for such small furniture and he kind of mumbled through it.

Fast forward to a year later (December last year) and I get evicted from where I rent (s21 notice, no fault) and so we decide it’s time to move in. There’s all kinds of weird things in the house that a man like DP would never think to buy- a splatter guard, soap filled scrub pads, tubes and tubes of spare toothpaste/shampoo/shower gel Grin

It turns out that his mum had basically furnished the whole house and that the tiny sofa and bed were bought by her, put in the house (while he was at work) and he had to give her the money for it. Apparently, she had offered to get “some bits” for the house, since he has a busy job, and just went a bit OTT.

So, the point of the thread. I’m sat on the sofa today, some 8 months later, still seething about how uncomfortable it is and wondering why my DP couldn’t have just put his foot down with his DM (there are boundary issues, it’s an ongoing thing unfortunately).

A label was sticking out the back of the sofa which I noticed, and it has the make and model, and fabric style of the sofa. I’ve just googled it and the tiny sofa and tiny chair cost over £1500. Honestly, it has just ramped up the irritation as to how such a shitty sofa could cost so much and that I now feel compelled to at least get some use out of it, since it cost DP so much.

I was hoping to twist his arm on replacing it soon with a more comfortable one, but I feel bad just chucking a fairly expensive sofa that is only 18 months old. AIBU to still be irritated by a bloody sofa after so long??

OP posts:
CyberNan · 26/09/2020 23:01

i think you are being unreasonable to be irritated by someone else's home and furniture, especially when you don't seem to have one of your own..

SofaKingIrritated · 26/09/2020 23:04

@CyberNan

I moved into a rental property and left all of my furniture behind when I escaped an abusive relationship...

I didn’t see the point of buying another house when it worked for us to move in together. I would be more than happy to pay for a new sofa

OP posts:
Syngin · 26/09/2020 23:07

Can you post a link to the sofa and armchair?

HirplesWithHaggis · 26/09/2020 23:08

You say the living room is quite big. Could it accommodate a sofa of your choice as well as the two seater?

SBTLove · 26/09/2020 23:10

You don’t need to chuck it, sell it and put the money towards a newer comfier sofa.

Toilenstripes · 26/09/2020 23:12

I would eBay both pieces and get some roomier furniture as long as the relationship is secure. You don’t want to be in a position of furnishing a house you’re not going to live in long term.

SofaKingIrritated · 26/09/2020 23:23

Sofa is very like this, in size, shape and price - tinyurl.com/yyjtldlw

Room not quite big enough for another sofa in addition. Really, it probably needs a three seater and a two seater or a love seat.

It’s not just the looks, it’s also difficult to have anyone round as there is nowhere to sit... it’s impractical as well as uncomfortable. I guess I’m just frustrated it cost so much for something so unsuitable.

For context, me and DP have known each other for a number of years before getting together, so we have offered each other advice on various things over the years (for anyone thinking that I’m trying to interfere from day one etc)

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 26/09/2020 23:54

Jeez, £1,199 for a teeny weeny sofa.. Sofa Sofa do a nicer , far bigger version for £699. Just sell it & put it toward another one. He wasn't living with anyone then & his Mum probably didn't realize theres so much choice & massive range of price if you shop around .

LaurieFairyCake · 27/09/2020 00:04

Just put the sofa in a spare bedroom and buy a big sofa - use the armchair

Relegate double bed to another bedroom

stayathomer · 27/09/2020 00:04

I don't think you are unreasonable for hating it (we had a 2 seater couch for years and when we got the next one I was so happy) but if I were him and the couch had cost so much I wouldn't want to get rid of it so quickly, especially not if I'd paid it back and my mum had bought it!!( sorry!)

MrsClatterbuck · 27/09/2020 00:30

Never mind the sofa how is the small double working out?

SofaKingIrritated · 27/09/2020 00:32

@stayathomer yeah, I agree. I think that’s what irritated me about finding out the price... I thought damn, now I really am stuck with it for a while 😂

If there were two reception rooms, it would be perfect as an occasional sofa for the smaller room, it’s just a killer not being able to stretch out or have anywhere for company to sit etc. Oh well!

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 27/09/2020 01:06

Pay for a new comfortable sofa that you are happy with.

His choice what to do with the current one,return to mum,sell,keep and rearrange things.

ControvertialYeti · 27/09/2020 05:47

That sounds like an annoying situation, I can see why you are irritated by this.
However, in my opinion, I believe that it is quite unreasonable for you to be so upset by it. With all due respect, from what you described, it sounds like its not your sofa, and it’s not your house. So even if you did your best to advise him, if he couldn’t be arsed to try out furniture or rather didn’t choose to take your advice then that’s his choice, however foolish it seems.

It must be annoying for you, because his foolish choice is now affecting you on a day to day basis, you foresaw this coming and the knowledge that is has cost a lot probably has just rubbed salt in the wound for you.

It might seem wasteful but if this is going to trigger you regularly, and your DP is not particularly attached to the sofa/and or bed and you can afford it, it would probably be worth the money just getting rid and fund a new one to your taste rather than ‘quietly seething’ about it months down the line. You probably sit on a sofa or will lay in bed every single day for a number of years And it’s not worth being annoyed every single day.

If you arnt able to afford it or your DP has an unusual bond to the sofa, unfortunately, you might have to just accept that it was his foolish choice to make.

If you will be living and building a life together from now on, perhaps it would be worth making clear to DP that in future, large furniture choices that you may (or may not) have strong positions on such as a dining table or chairs, probably ought to be discussed together

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