Should I tell my friend I think she might have a hereditary degenerative condition?

[Whine]

Apologies for the title- I had no clue how to start this and I’m upset and don’t know how to best word it.
A very good friend of mine is at hereditary risk of a degenerative neuro disease. (Similar to Parkinson’s). She wrote a letter to me the other day and her handwriting has changed. What do I do? Should I mention it? It won’t help in terms of proper prevention (hereditary) but the earlier stuff is caught the better, right? To prevent further degeneration? Her dad died ridiculously early from it having had an awful time. What should I do? What if I mention it and she knows but is ignoring it? What if I mention it and nothing can be done? What if I’m wrong and I panic her unnecessarily?

Please dont say anything

To prevent further degeneration?

So it's a condition that's treatable?

Unless you are her GP mind your own

Would it be best to call and have a general convo asking open questions - that way you will find out if she knows?

How marked is the handwriting change?

If your friend knows about the hereditary condition she is probably on hyper alert for any symptoms and she will obviously know that her writing has changed. No need to mention it. Just be supportive if she mentions it.

Is it Huntington's? If so I would tell her as early intervention can make a massive difference in the long term.

Surely she doesn’t need you to tell her? She must know better than you what the risk is and what symptoms might be?

I would really not say anything.

If she's a good friend I would bring up your concerns gently in conversation. She may well already be aware and be glad to have someone to share her worries with. Equally she may not, however often the quicker symptoms are realised the more they can be slowed down.

If Huntington's please tread carefully. She may be totally aware but not want to acknowledge. Just be there for her if she does want/is able to open up.

If she is a good friend I would mention to her that in your view her handwriting looked different in her last letter and had she also noticed a change. If she says no and is not interested in exploring the conversation further I would drop it. If you notice anything else I would gently open another opportunity to have a conversation should she wish but not force anything. If signs of the illness become very obvious you might want to be more direct at that stage but for now I would be cautious and gentle in opening up a safe and supportive space - should she want it.

Parkinson's is not listed hereditary unless something has changed, tho I understand it is unlikely it, but just to say that. You could comment on the change and see what response you get.. Very difficult one. I definitely wouldn't say you think she has it straight off.

My handwriting, I’m sure, changed over 6 months of lockdown.

I’d you think you know her condition, can you contact their support group for advice, before doing anything else?

No. Please don’t say anything until she tells you or the situation is such you cannot avoid saying something. She probably knows. What is you telling her going to achieve? Sometimes a slow realisation helps acceptance.
Our best man is French. He and his wife had a child within a month of our son being born. They came to stay when both babies were about eight months. Our son was bottom shuffling at speed. He was active, alert, eating whatever was put in front of him. He loved entertaining and was very charismatic. Their baby was still very much a young baby. He wasn’t well because he had a chest infection but even so it was obvious that he had global delay and a hemiplegia. What good would pointing it out have done? The truth is it would have only served to hurt them. They were beginning to realise that there might be some concerns but weren’t ready to hear words like cerebral palsy. Time enough for that.
Your friend is probably terrified. She possibly needs to accept a life changing condition and come to terms with that before other people start placing demands on her ability to understand. It’s her condition and she has a right to remain private until she has found a way forwards. She’ll share when she’s good and ready. Just wait for that moment.

Don’t say anything. Just be ready.

Do not say anything

Um so I massively failed at my stealth attempt (I’m not naturally given to subterfuge and apparently it shows). I nearly didn’t answer but figured the line between being outing and actually needing the advice with this was worth bending. Yes it’s Huntington’s. Hence the early intervention slowing it. And I’m 95% sure she would understand why I’ve raised it and def wouldn’t hate me. I just don’t want to worry her if I’m wrong. Or indeed make her awkward about what’s pretty personal and entirely her decision. But I also don’t want to not say anything and then worry I could’ve helped/slowed it.

Personally if I as in your friends position and you were my close friend I'd rather you told me.

My close friends always have the best of intentions and I know they would be telling me only to warn me and see if I needed support to get support but I also know they would immediately back off if I wanted them to.

But I also don’t want to not say anything and then worry I could’ve helped/slowed it.

Don't you think she's far more aware of and sensitive about the possibility than you are?

If it’s Huntingdon’s she’ll assumably have been offered blood DNA testing and know whether she has the condition or not? If she’s tested positive she should be under a neurologist.

If I was your friend, I'd rather you told me. If early intervention and treatment can help then I think mentioning it is 100% the right thing to do

I would think she and all her family are acutely aware of any tiny sign they might be developing the disorder. They won't need you to point it out or warn them.

If she needs to talk it through with you, she will; in her own time. Wait for her to make the first move.

CherryPavlova

If it’s Huntingdon’s she’ll assumably have been offered blood DNA testing and know whether she has the condition or not? If she’s tested positive she should be under a neurologist.

Those were my thoughts exactly.

Surely she would know her dad died of Huntingtons?

Every time I think this can’t get more personal it does. She declined testing. It’s odd we’re friends when we’re so very different! Or at least as far as I know she declined to be tested, I guess she might’ve been tested and not wanted to say so- that’s entirely her right. But I don’t think so. I think she totally understandably doesn’t want to look it in the face unless she has to.

Maybe someone wrote the letter on her behalf. But I'm guessing she would know as she gets checkups if it runs in the family, no?