My mum bought my brothers gf a birthday gift and not me.

[marmite79]

I'm probably going to sound spoilt or entitled here. For a few years my mum doesn't buy me anything for birthday or Christmas. She does buy things for my children - her grandchildren so she's probably in the mind set of only buying for the kids.

But I buy her, my stepdad, my brothers and sisters and now brothers girlfriend a gift for birthdays and Christmas. We only get a few things for dc back from my mum and stepdad so I think I'm going to stop buying anything (yes I probably sound petty but money is tight this year).

Putting Christmas aside. I don't mind her just buying gifts for dc on Christmas but my birthday earlier this year.. It was before lockdown and I got nothing apart from a card. I would have loved a box of chocolates or something else cheap and cheerful.

Money isn't tight for them. My siblings have hundreds spent on them and none of them work as mummy and daddy buy them everything. I moved out as a teen.

So yeah I got nothing for my birthday apart from a card.

My brother has a girlfriend. They've only been together a short while. Girlfriend thanked my mum for the gifts and posted a photo. Not girlfriends fault. She seems nice!

So yeah aibu to feel pushed out??

Just because I have kids doesn't mean my birthday isn't important right?!

I'd understand if money was tight for them but it really isn't. They are just tight with me and I don't understand it as I've always bought them nice things.

YANBU - honestly save your money and spend it on yourself and your kids. No one should give gifts to receive One back but I can’t imagine ever treating my own children like this.

Do you feel you could ask her if there’s a reason for this? It does sound rather unkind.

I think you need to draw back OP. There’s clearly as issue here. Just send a card and continue doing things that way.

If she doesn't buy for you, then you don't buy for her.

YANBU In future don't buy them presents just get the children to make or draw something for them instead and send with a card.

YANBU, thats hurtful. Stop buying for her and just send a card.

Blimey, that’s awful. Stop buying them gifts. There’s no reason not to buy you a token gift. I’d ask her why she does it. How is your relationship otherwise?

It feels like something more going on in your relationship with your family than just a lack of present.
Is no present a symptom of a deeper chasm which began in your teens?

YANBU OP, is this a time to start thinking about how the rest of your relationship is like with your DM? I only ask as I've experienced similar in the last couple of years. DM deliberately blanking me on my birthday two years in a row now - I won't highjack your thread with the details but tip of the iceberg for me and realisation of the toxic relationship. DM now completely ignores me and I've gone NC to save my sanity. In touch with my DF but it's like I don't exist to DM anymore which saddens me every day but at least I don't have to deal with the drama.

Ouch on the surface that seems really harsh, but could there be an easy explanation? Does your mum buy your sibling birthday / Christmas gifts? Could it just be their really like your brothers girlfriend and trying to 'welcome' her into the family?
Talk, talk, talk to them OP. Even if it seems a really hard conversation, I bet they don't realise how hurtful it is.
But you are not unreasonable to feel hurt, you are not grabby or anything else, you are upset as you feel you don't count, but if you normally have a good relationship with them, then I suspect they'd be upset that they have upset you!

YANBU. I posted a similar thing a while back, but in our case it was said that as we are now over 30 and parents that's why we don't get presents anymore, cause apparently even a box of chocs is out of order now your an adult with a kid money isn't an issue, older siblings (without DC) still get spoiled and for years we've bought presents for BIL, SIL and DN each or larger family gifts such as days out etc, yet as soon as we have DC it's "we only buy for kids in our family".

You don't give in order to receive, but at the same time I think special events should still be marked by loved ones, like you say a box of chocs or cheap bunch of flowers just to mark the day isn't much of an ask.

Sorry OP

"My siblings have hundreds spent on them and none of them work as mummy and daddy buy them everything."

Do they all still live at home then?

YANBU In future don't buy them presents just get the children to make or draw something for them instead and send with a card.6

This ^

Even my work colleagues give token gifts - just chocs, or flowers picked from their garden. The fact that YOU give gifts, and they just don't bother is really mean and inconsiderate.

Start a new regime this Christmas. Buy something for other family kids (if everyone does) but nothing else.

Yanbu. Don't get them anything and if they mention it say you assumed it was gifts for kids only now

Did you get presents before you had children? Have you both been getting more distant. Just get her a card, spend iykt in yourself. My DM started forgetting mine as soon as my Dad passed. It was all about her after that & our relationship deteriorated fast once he'd gone.

I am guessing this is one of those bizarre thought processes where they set an amount for each child and since you have kids they split that amount on your children not you but its a thought process I have never understood

as a gift giver I love buying gifts for people even just token gifts as we arent rich... I cant imagine even not buying my kids a gift for their birthday no matter their age, wealth or family status

YANBU