When you and your partner think differently about Covid!

[Hedgyhoggy]

My DH has been very anxious about Covid. We haven’t been to shops just done click and collect not been out for meals, not been into other people’s houses etc. Today I went out with my dsis her dd, myself and dd and ds shared a car (not done that so far) and went out to an outdoor market. Non of us are in an at risk group, my ds and dn both have LDs though. We wore masks and went to an outdoor cafe. Dh has gone mad with me saying I’ve gone behind his back and I’ve been irresponsible. I knew he’d be like that so yes I didn’t discuss it with him but I’m sick of what I feel as basically controlled and we have previously discussed that I wouldn’t knowingly put our kids at risk, but that we can’t carry on living in isolation. Yes I perhaps could see his point about the sharing of cars but my kids all go to school (My eldest is in a bubble of 200) and I haven’t done anything against government guidelines.

You literally said nothing OP said is against the guidelines and got called out. It is. It’s not bullying to say someone should follow the guidelines when they explicitly said ‘i didnt go against guidelines’ when they did. None of that is bullying ffs. The problem comes when people cannot listen to simple guidance it seems!!

OP, I think he is OTT but can see his point.

YABU

But it's not against the guidelines. It says to avoid it where possible. Nowhere in the guidelines does it say "you must not share a car with anyone outside your household" it says "avoid it if possible, but if you need to, follow the below advice".

Nowhere does it say "you must not make unnecessary journeys with other households".

So accusing OP of breaking the guidelines is wrong and unfair.

Dn and ds are in the same bubble at school though I get what all of you are saying. I should have said something to him but I do feel controlled by him. I see Covid as him rationalising his control of me. He called me a f b for doing it.

My DH is the opposite. He believes it's a 'non issue' and that it's a conspiracy for politicians to further their personal agendas.
He is also an anti-masker, which means I have to do all the shopping (except markets and the butcher)

Major dripfeed there OP.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. Sounds like there’s a bit more to it though- would he have disliked you doing something like this before Covid, do you think?

You have bigger problems than this OP.

I hope you're okay and please don't let this thread make you feel even worse than your DH is trying to make you feel

You saw your sister and went for lunch. You wore masks and did the right things while out. It's fine - please don't feel guilty.

OP, this is not okay. Covid is the excuse for his abuse and controlling behaviour, not the reason.
It's not your fault - nothing that you've done or not done has caused it, this type of behaviour is entirely DH's responsibility, not yours.
You need help and support in identifying abusive behaviours to see it for what it is, and act accordingly, in yours and your children's interests.

Thank you all. Maybe more of relationship issue between me and dh than about Covid. I didn’t give his response in the original post because I know that what he said wrong.

[quote Ohalrightthen]@Duggeehugs82 you can't social distance in a car, it's against government guidelines, therefore it's an unnecessary risk. Though I'm not entirely surprised that you can't recognise that, seeing as you can't spell it.

Regardless, OP and her husband agreed that she wouldn't put their children at additional risk. She then did so. If you and your partner had agreed to a set of boundaries, and he broke them on purpose without telling you, would you just shrug and let him get on with it without saying a word? I wouldn't. I don't think many people would.[/quote]
Im dyslexic so id prefer not to be grammar or spelling shamed , thank u . And his boundaries r because of him being anxious over covid and some would say over the top. Not their boundaries. Yes being in the car is not ideal. And he has right to be upset about that but nothing else

My DH has been suffering severe anxiety about the virus too. I am taking the kids to a play centre this afternoon without him because for months we have tiptoed around him and I have had enough of the kids sitting at home all day.

He isn't happy but I didn't present it as a discussion. Just said that I had looked around, this appeared the safest and I booked the quietest slot.
He is now upstairs, presumably worrying about us going.

Threads like this make me want to be a hermit forever more. Other people are just too much hard work.