To feel irritated with my friend (and also want to help her)?

[PennyCrayon85]

My friend is utterly obsessed with coronavirus. It is all she thinks about, worries about, talks about.

She’s very vocal on social media about people breaking the rules. Fine. I mean I might inwardly roll my eyes a bit, the whole social media ranting thing isn’t for me, but ok.

It’s now getting to the stage where she is sending me long ranting messages every time anyone who comes into contact with her does anything (whether or not it’s within the rules).

Example - she works in a small office. She manages a couple of younger women. One of them is 24/25ish. The girl went out for dinner with her boyfriend (which as far as I can tell is within the rules) and my friend ranted and raved about how she’s a selfish idiot, how dare she socialise when she has to share an office at work and put her in danger etc.

My friend is usually a clever and completely rational human being. But this whole thing has made her go to pieces. She’s a bit overweight - I think that’s why she’s so scared (although she’s never actually told me that) and it makes me feel sad and worried that she’s so anxious. But it’s getting to the point that I just cant hear it any more. It’s hard to listen to her being so irrational and angry and to be honest so obsessive about it all.

“I just told her she was an idiot and I certainly wouldn’t be sitting near her so she should damn well work from home” was the most recent rant about this colleague. I gently reminded her that she is this girls manager and needs to be careful how she speaks to/about her. It did not go down well.

I want to help her. I also want to make it stop....

I thought OP did agree with her, sorry. If you don’t agree with her, tell her that others are allowed their own opinions, and that you are concerned that her mental health is perhaps more at risk than her physical health at the moment.

I think she just feels like she is entitled to be this way op.

I agree with pps, if you dont want to walk away then tell her nicely that you dont really want to discuss it anymore with her as it just brings you down.

I'm betting she wont respect this. She will probably go off on one, likely about her needs. Then you'll know you are dealing with a narcissist.

A normal person would tell you they understand, appologise if they've been coming accross as a bit much and agree to try not to bring it up as often. And try to respect those boundaries going forwards (for the most part).

Basically, tell her no and see how she reacts. That'll let you know what you then need to do.

She just can’t see how unreasonable she’s being

She can’t see how unreasonable you think she’s being.

How about you give a constructive opinion minty Mabel? Instead of just coming on random threads and dropping little passive aggressive droppings throughout them?

She's probably incredibly anxious. When the whole thing started back in March, I was much the same. I didn't rant about it online or to other people etc but I was in a complete mess over it, worried that I'd die/my partner would die/my grandparents would die etc.

What helped me recovered from the anxiety? We ALL got covid. My grandparents got it in March, and my partner and I got it in April. My grandparents got it because they were insistent on still getting their own shopping etc. My grandmother hardly suffered, but my grandad was in hospital for two weeks very very ill. They are both now fine.

My partner brought it home from work (huge outbreak at his company) in April, and to my surprise we both coped incredibly well. I mean, it wasn't nice by any means, but honestly I've had colds that have made me feel worse.

So that dispelled some of the anxiety for me. I'm GLAD we got it, because it made me realise that it wasn't a death sentence for everyone who came down with it, plus we've already had it now, so you'd hope we have at least some protection from getting it again!

She’s obviously struggling - but I doubt that there is anything you personally can say or do that is going to make her feel any differently.
All you can do is try and change the subject, talk about other things etc.
I’d find it incredibly draining.

My mum is one. It's insufferable listening to it. I've had to tell her to stop. I told her she can only control what she does and to stop looking at what others are doing as she can't control it and it's only causing her unnecessary stress.

Mine is the same. She was already under local restrictions when Rule of Six came in, and within a day I had a text saying ‘I’m fuming... I can see next door but one has too many people in his garden!! Why are they allowed to see their family when I’m not?’ I keep trying to tell her that no one is allowed to see their family or to break the rules - they’re just doing it. She could do the same, but she’s doing the right thing and that’s all she can do. It seems to go in, but I get ‘But it’s just so unfair...’ minutes later.

How about you give a constructive opinion minty Mabel? Instead of just coming on random threads and dropping little passive aggressive droppings throughout them?

It was constructive. You just don’t like being told your opinion is just your opinion. She doesn’t think she is being unreasonable. That you think she is, is irrelevant,