Malicious call to social services

[Ghost1]

I’ve name changed for this as quite outing

Long story and I’ll try to make it as short as possible.
Basically my best friend since we were 14 has a lot of mental health issues which have gotten worse over the years. We are both mid 30’s now.
Over the years she has fallen out with all other friends, been sacked from several jobs fallen out with family member's. Each time there has been a story of how it’s absolutely not her fault she’s being bullied at work, she was off for stress and they sacked her for her absence. People are making up lies about her and it’s not her fault. And on and on and on.
When you are in her favour she love bombs you and treats you like the best person. But if you do anything that she deems to be wrong there’s silent treatment, threats of suicide and self harm.
She has been in therapy for a number of years but I honestly do not think she would have been honest with them, and she has no diagnosis that I’m aware of.
A few years ago it all came to a head and I had to set very firm boundaries. I have tried everything I can to help. Going round at 3am after hysterical phone calls, helping her to clean up her flat (hoarding) basically trying to be a good friend.

Her mental health has declined significantly over the last year. She has made a number of accusations about people (accusing them of sexual assault, accusing people of being at work drunk (healthcare professional) She immediately Denys saying these things whenever she is challenged, or it is proven that it could not happen.
It reached the stage where I was genuinely concerned for mine and my kids and dh safety. I didn’t know what else to do but block her on everything and essentially ghost her.

Yesterday out of the blue I received a phone call from social services saying they had concerns for the safety of my children and notifying they were carrying out an investigation.
The accusation is completely unfounded and obviously we will cooperate fully to allow them to carry out their investigation.
But what the hell do I do next? What happens if she makes more malicious reports. Obviously social services can’t just dismiss reports and will be obliged to investigate every time.

I’m scared and I don’t know when this will end.

My own sister done this to me, reported me to ss with a load of lies, it’s such a cruel thing to do to someone

They will not be obliged to investigate if the report is known to come from a source which is known to be malicious.

They will investigate the first time. Explain what has happened with your friend.

Report her to the police if she is harrassing you, making false accusations and you feel under threat. Has she got family you can talk to. Block her, dont let her visit, record and screenshot any calls or messages, have you got Ring doorbell. If you want to contact her one last time say you feel she seems stressed , she could seek help and that atm you feel its better not to see each other. Record the conversation and if she kicks off then call the police.

I think when you meet the social worker you need to have a chat about what has been happening ( in a balanced, non dramatic way). If the “ friend” is such a disaster area as you say there will be traces of her with other agencies. The police for example will have records of allegations of crime, and whether they’re proceeded or not. Social workers work in conjunction with other agencies and they share information all the time. Obviously your own school etc will be able to provide information about their experiences of your children and their dealing with you to support your claims of innocence. A good social worker is going to be able to uncover a false allegation - they deal with a fair few of them.

Luckily dd1 has the same teacher at school as she had last year so the teacher knows her well and knows me and dh. Dd2 has been at the same nursery for 8 months and dd1 attended the same nursery so again they will be able to confirm theirs no basis.
I will explain I think it’s this friend who has made the accusation and the reasons why. It’s reassuring to know they don’t have to investigate further malicious reports. I thought they were obliged to investigate any concerns.
Friends accusations have always been to friends/family never professionals so there will be no evidence that she has a history of making up these things.
It’s always been more “Aunty Jean is saying I did this and I absolutely didn’t and she’s unhinges I’m really very worried about her. I saw her at the hospital last Tuesday and she stunk of drink and was staggering maybe I should report it” then it turns out that aunty Jean was actually on 2 weeks annual leave and was nowhere near her work.

I’ve just spent the last 5 hours scrubbing an already clean home. As though a social worker is going to be checking the cupboard where I keep my Tupperware is neatly organized with matching lids.
I am so fucking angry that she has done this.

Try to stay calm when you explain about your friend. Be factual and keep it short. You're angry at her for reporting you maliciously but be mindful that you don't get a bit ranty about her. They won't want all the details, just that you have a mentally unstable friend known for making unfounded accusations and creating fake gossip, that you recently cut off and ghosted and you feel this may be a malicious call by her but you'll be happy to set the social workers mind at ease.

Are you sure it was her, OP? So sorry you’re going through this- you must be beside yourself.

@cctvrec thank you and I really need to bare that in mind. I so want to show them the pictures of her house and the text messages and screen shots of messages that she has sent to people so they understand what she is like but I understand it’s not relevant.
Me and dh will of course cooperate fully with their investigation and I understand completely why they need to do this. I’ve had a good cry over it tonight but on Monday I will be calm and factual.
I probably won’t offer to show them my neatly ordered Tupperware cupboard or they will be concerned.
@PatchworkElmer there’s no one else it could be. The kids are know to school and nursery and the eldest gets glowing reports. (So does the baby but it’s normally along the lines of X took a great nap today) they are both meeting all developmental milestones. Neither of them has ever had an injury to warrant a safe guarding federal. Dd1 broke her wrist a year ago at school other then that neither has ever been treated in hospital. They’ve both received their vaccinations, check ups and go to the dentist. We get on great with neighbours and friends and family.

Malicious reports happen all the time. It will be ok, they will investigate, find out that you are a very normal family (although one with a strangely tidy tupperware cupboard 😁) and close the case. You'll be fine.

That's my worst nightmare.
Explain the situation with SS and never speak to ex friend again.

My sister did the same to me, I could tell she was going through a rather unhinged period after she started telling complete lies to other people about me and I really think she believed them.

It's devastating for someone you are supposed to be close to to do this, I really feel for you.

When the social worker came I calmly explained the whole situation (every petty detail was needed in order to rebuff her long list of complaints about me on the referral!). The social worker straight away said I can see there's no concern, she observed my son, 3 at the time, and had a look round the house I think, and was really lovely about the whole thing.

I invited her to contact DS nursery (and forewarned them obv) which she did, and that was helpful to show that a. I was cooperative and b. No one else had any concerns.

My blood boils when I think about it 3 years later and I've never spoken to her since. When I got the call I burst into tears in the supermarket, it was really traumatic.

So allow yourself time to be upset but you will be focused and calm on the day I'm sure.

By the way the only follow up was a written report and then they closed the case. Not sure what happens if there are further malicious reports but raise it with the SW as it's a legitimate concern and possibility I guess.

I imagine it is very traumatic you hear horror stories of innocent families torn apart by malicious complaints.
Do these snakes not realise services are slim by making a malicious complaint they are taking time from a child in real danger.
Good luck OP.

I probably won’t offer to show them my neatly ordered Tupperware cupboard or they will be concerned.

Agreed. That would freak anyone out. Tupperware stashes are not organised no matter how hard we try.

Can I ask what exactly the allegation is? Some are quite easy to dismiss.

My three children have their names down somewhere in a social services file and it aggravates me no end.
DH had a stalker from 15 years in his past. He had dated her for a couple of months as teens and as an adult she messaged him randomly out of the blue on FB. Nice catch up convo quickly turned into crazy accusations about me and the kids not being his (this woman was a complete stranger to DH and I by this time). Within a month she was calling his work (taken from FB) pretending to be the police, claimed they had a child together (no kid existed or ever did) and that he owed her thousands in child support. It turned out she was a fruit loop who was eventually found guilty (again as she had form) for stalking.
However,our children's details were passed to social services because despite this being a woman my DH met briefly as a teenager, it was actually classed as a "domestic abuse" (by her not him of course) situation. Really. Because of two month dating as teenagers 15 years ago.

I hope your situation is cleared up quickly. Maybe have some proof of your friend's manic behaviour to hand just in case. The SW might want some details. You never know.

@Ghost1 I’m so sorry, how awful. I’m sure that SS (unfortunately) see this kind of thing a lot. I’d be as open with them as possible, and from what pp have said it sounds like they will respond accordingly. It goes without saying that your ex friend’s actions here are absolutely unforgivable.

I am scared and don't know what to do or expect.

This woman wants to break our house and has falsely reported us to the police and says she has some proofs and that husband beats me and is harassing me, which is a total lie as she has a thing for my husband and wants us to be separated. We had few arguments and I shared that with her as I thought she is my friend and wanted to talk to someone as I am going through so many emotions after delivery. Police came out of no where the other day and I was shocked but it was all ok I guess at the end they also asked if they can info to social services and I said no as this is all lie and that I have nothing to worry about, but now I got to know that she has referred us to the social services.

pls pls pls help - what will happen now I am very scared.

@Maddie020 you need your own thread will get more replies on there.

@Ghost1 I hope you feel more reassured now

Apologies - just imagine how scared I am that I don't even realise where am I writing - sorry, I will delete it now xx

Can't seem to find delete option