I can't take criticism

[paperplate]

It's finally dawned on me that this is the case.

Brought to light by a situation at work where a client has remarked that I'm not getting involved enough in her business/she's not getting what she wants from me... my first reaction is to get super defensive and think of all the reasons why she's wrong, but actually I know deep down that she has a point.

This is a broader problem where i get extremely upset and sensitive at the mere suggestion that anything I'm doing is imperfect in any way...and actually I sometimes even preempt this by getting upset if I feel like I think someone is thinking that (even if it transpires that they aren't)

This is mainly a work problem but does impact other areas of life too (like always thinking my mum is being critical of me, which is probably unfair)

How do I get out of this mindset/behaviour?! It's exhausting feeling like this all the time and I know I need to address it.

I had a friend like this. I reluctantly ended my friendship with her. It was just exhausting and boring to be always shot down because any suggestions or advice or differing opinion I have was immediately seized as some kind of criticism of her inner essence.

@Oblamov, you were definitely in the right in respect of your son. How dare he be so rude to the woman working to pay for food to put into his mouth and dishwasher tablets to clean the plates he eats off? Your boss is a PITA but I tend to take the view that whether bosses are nice or nasty, I can spend their money just the same so I take the cash and ignore the carping.

OP I learned to take criticism through being a writer. If I want to improve, I need others to tell me what's going wrong so I can work on it. I don't take on board all criticism but I am able to take a step back and consider the advice from the perspective of someone trying to help, rather than a personal attack on me.

It helps to see this as a criticism of something you're doing at work, rather than criticism of you as a person. This client doesn't know you but it seems she's paying for a service she doesn't feel as though she's getting.

It takes work and sometimes I feel very hurt but I sit with the criticism for a few days and have a think about whether or not it's useful. My advice is that if several people have said the same thing, then there's probably something in it.

I thank people for taking the time to read my work and for any feedback they've given. In the same vein, it would be an idea to thank the client for being honest and ask for ways they feel you could improve. I don't mean this in some kind of communist re education but it's all good if it means your work and therefore, client relations improve.

Thank you Growing.

Yes I can spend her cash. But working for someone unpleasant who isn't appreciative, isn't nice. I've never had it before. In none of my jobs have I ever worked for someone who questioned my capabilities continuously. I don't want to work for her. I don't like it.

Interesting thread! And good for you for coming back Oblomov.

The way your son spoke to you was unacceptably rude. Did he really say “haven’t even bothered to...”? If so, he has no leg to stand on. It was a criticism. If he had’ve said amiably, “is the dishwasher emptied?” then there is room there for misunderstanding (as he may have gone on to say “I’ll do it then”).