ExH, New Partner and Children

[boymum9]

I have posted a lot over the last couple of years in regards to breakdown of marriage and things that went on (name exh stalking me, interfering in my new partners place of work, and finally me finding out that he'd had a secret camera in my bedroom for a year).

We split up nearly 2 years ago, I've been with my new partner for nearly 1.5 years, ex h and I have two children, aged 5 and 3 and they haven't yet met my new partner, we held off for a long time to make sure it was a serious relationship and not just someone fleeting into their lives and leaving again, but for a while now we decided he wouldn't meet the children yet out of respect for my ex.

I bought up him meeting them with my exh and he has basically demanded that he meets and sits down and speaks with new partner first, alone. Is this normal? I have spoken to new partner about this and he is very reluctant to right away considering everything that has happened in the last year that has been very difficult to deal with and there has obviously been a huge invasion of his privacy as well as mine and feels like ex h will just use it as a chance to control things (ex is extremely controlling, note the stalking/ hidden camera/ stealing my phone to look through it while we weren't even together)
He suggested that he'd feel a lot more relaxed to speak with him in passing after a couple of months of him having met the children. We only would plan on him meeting them as a friend and in neutral settings such as the park for many months initially, aibu to just say no that we don't feel comfortable with that? I don't know what to say

There's nothing he can do. You are in control of safeguarding your children, and if you deem this man appropriate to have contact with your children, then that's your decision alone and he can't do anything (unless there was a concern from your ex, for example your new boyfriend was a paedophile or in and out of prison for violent offences etc)

So in short, tell your ex to take a flying fuck to himself.

Op,with all the respect,he is still controlling you.If you cannot see this then please consider either counselling or a confidence building course to help you see how much your self esteem has been knocked by your ex.there is no way you should even be thinking of agreeing to his demand let alone suggesting it to your dp.His commitment to you shows in the fact he didn't run away when you brought it up.
There is so much wrong with this controlling behaviour and sad that you seem not to see its still going on.
Tell him no and continue to say no.
I hope all works out,I know it's easy to give advice and harder when you're in this position but if you don't stop this now ,when will you?

Thank you @KarmaStar I appreciate that advice, I know you're right, I just really struggle to see clearly still sometimes with him

I’d say “I think you’ve already seen enough of him on the bed cam, don’t you?”

And “fuck off”.

I’ve seen someone else on here mention an app for exes to use to communicate re drop offs/school work so that you no longer need to directly communicate. Sounds like a good idea in your situation.