Can you be too nice? Has anyone accused you of this?

[whatisforteamum]

I've been told this recently and it has been said before.I try to be considerate and see things from other peoples point of view.
Having been bullied when I was.younger and receiving a lot of criticism from my dm..still do! I try.to give people the benefit of the doubt nice until proven otherwise.
That said I am quiet.assertive and will stand my ground and refuse to do anything I don't want to in life.
Can someone be too nice or have the accusers had bad experiences so they are bitter themselves?

@whatisforteamum

Beamur exactly! Treat others how you would like to be treated.😊

I adjust that to "Treat others how THEY would like to be treated."

Mumsnet is a perfect case study of people assuming everyone else wants / likes / thinks like they do, and then being shocked when met with something different.

Can't imagine how much more smoothly the world would turn if more people asked one another what they wanted, liked and needed – instead of wading in with the best of intentions and zero idea.

(None of which was meant to negate the very lovely thing you said, by the way –I'm totally with you AND think there's even more to the story!)

1230984...
I am definitely non of those things.Any chef is a creative driven person and usually a bit of a character as u have to be to survive.
We are pyromaniacs who handled sharp knives in a hectic environment.
Dull.I think not.

Yup. Had this levelled at me all my life - but funnily enough if I try to resist the overstepping of my boundaries or being coerced into accepting unreasonable and unfeasible requests I'm suddenly selfish, controlling and manipulative. Go figure.

It boils down quite often to the "anything for a quiet life" position.....

My cousin is definitely ‘too nice’ and it really gets to me. She seems afraid to stand up for herself. She’s a very anxious person and I feel so angry at the people who take advantage of her, but she seems to think that setting boundaries would make her a bad person. I don’t think she sees the irony that it isn’t ‘nice’ that our conversations revolve around me reassuring her and having to watch what I say because it might make her anxious.

She is doing online dating at the moment and had to be talked out of sending an apology to somebody who ghosted her in case she had offended him in some way. He had already set off so many red flags in my mind. I get so worried about the men she meets, she’s already had some right weirdos and she’s an abusers dream come true

That rings true.I have anxiety so I try to not have to defend myself constantly.It is exhausting.I do find people quite draining so when I'm off work I tend to spend my time alone or with my pets.😊They don't question everything.

@whatisforteamum, I do think adversity is generally a great learning experience. Being bullied develops empathy for others. I am always a defender of the underdog. I try like you to tread in others shoes and give people chances that others more cynical may see as being 'too nice'. It's a dog eat dog world sometimes and having to defend your 'nice' ideology can be wearing. Dogs, however, are the most forgiving, undemanding,
accepting creatures and my go to from the world.

Based on certain acquaintances of mine, I think "too nice" sometimes means acommodating the more demanding people in your life at the expense of others who should be higher up on your priority list. To put it more harshly, it isn't 'nice' to expect your loved ones to take a back seat so you can pander to the unreasonable demands of other people rather than feel the discomfort that saying 'no' might involve for you.

Um, I don't think anyone's ever said that of me. . .

This has come up before. It depends what you mean by "nice".

If you mean being polite, friendly and open and willing to help people out, nought wrong with that in itself.

Often though people who are described a "nice" are over-polite, conflict-averse people pleasers or doormats or manipulative passive-aggressive types who have an agenda to get what they want from people by being too "nice" to say no to.

If you can stand up for yourself and for others then be as polite and friendly as you want but if you use it as a way to avoid your own needs and convictions then its a cop-out.

I think "nice" is a really over-rated quality though and I think it speaks volumes about women in particular that being nice is a quality people respect in them.

Give me a direct, loyal friend who will stand up for themselves and others over a "nice" one any day.

It’s code for being wet. It’s not the compliment some women think it is

In the past, yes. It's definitely not a compliment! Normally said when allowing someone to get away with something, or give too much or generally not speaking up for yourself..After much 'work' understanding boundaries etc I don't think anyone has said this to me in a while. 'Nice' is very different from being 'kind' and the use of 'nice' in most contexts is verging on negative! e.g yes it was nice (ok/meh/bland response)

Thinking about it, I've also said it to people because it's more polite than saying 'you're being walked over!'