Father missing the toilet

[Theirishwan]

My 83 year old father has come to live with us as lockdown was killing him. He goes home to his own house sometimes on a Sunday if he has appointments that week.

Anyway, point of the thread - sometimes when peeing he misses the toilet bowl and pees on the floor. His bedroom in our house is downstairs so he uses the bathroom beside it, which is the bathroom my husband uses 99% of the time. This is driving my husband mad and he wants me to say something to him. Maybe ask him to sit down while peeing.

My husband has mentioned this before and I’ve been trying to check each time after he uses the bathroom to give it a quick clean when he does it.

I think it would be embarrassing for my father if I mention it to him and at 83 we are lucky to have him around.

What would you do?

Carry on checking and clearing up
Or say something to him?

Wouldn’t this be more sensitive coming from a fellow man, ie your husband?

I think your husband should be the one to speak to your father, not you. I know they are gross, but could you put a pedestal mat down?

Aww bless him.
I work in health care so I would have no problems discussing it with him.
Are there any practical issues?
Is the toilet too low, esp if he is tall?
Is his eyesight ok?
Does he know he missed but cant bend down to clean it up?
Would putting a mop in there help?
If he has frequency, would a urinal bottle in his room help?

FFS why is this an issue? The man is in his 80’s. That’s life. It will no doubt happen to your DH as well, has he realised this?

Why embarrass and make life harder for an 83yo! Just get a mop with some disinfectant, wring it out and leave it in the loo room and when DH goes in to use the loo he can just grab it and give a quick wipe before he does his business whatever that may be. Just refresh the mop twice a day. That can be your DH’s job as it all bothers him so much.

I think if your father doesn't realise it's happening he'd rather know. My Dad would've wanted to know and I would've mentioned it gently to him.

it depends on the relationship you have with your father, but I would turn it into a joke with mine, something along the lines of 'oh for gods sake dad, you do know you have passed to age of peeing while standing, you wobble too much! sit down you daft old bugger and stop peeing on the floor' my dad would not take it to heart and would sit down.

This is why pedestal mats are a thing. Much less gross to chuck a mat in the washing machine every night than to find piss on the floor.

At 83, I don't think your father is missing on purpose, and he may be very embarrassed about it. I would quietly put down a mat and say nothing about it.

Be kind Op, he won't be doing it on purpose.
Get pedestal mats as previous poster mentioned, preferably get two or three in the same colour that match your decor and then quietly and without fuss change them each day.

My dad is 85 and my daughter and I live with him in his house. We had the same issue but it was easily resolved with no ones feelings being hurt.

Assuming your father is a decent, tidy man who usually takes care with what he does then I feel for him. A lot also depends on your father's physical state.

Of course you can have a kind word with your Dad but at his age success can't be guaranteed. My father started making a mess at about 80. He was convinced he wasn't (I don't think his eyesight was good enough to see the pee on the floor) but he still tried to wipe the floor after he urinated. That wasn't too easy for him as he had trouble bending.

Peeing sitting down for men is not a panacea - men's plumbing is such that many men's bladders don't empty completely when they pee sitting down. There is probably less urine on the bathroom floor but significantly more on their trouser from post pee dribbling.

I think your husband needs to either harden up or be a kinder man or both. It won't kill him to have to mop/wipe up a bit of pee from the father of his wife. Woman have been doing the same for centuries.

Thanks for the replies

I don’t want to hurt his feelings and make him uncomfortable by saying it to him. Will have a proper talk to my husband about it. Only takes a few minutes for me (or one of us) to clean it, whereas I’d worry about my father trying to do it and possibly falling over.

We are very lucky that he is a very mobile and independent man and love having him with us. He loves it too.

One day there will probably be a lot worse to clean up 💩 and we will have to deal with that.

Honestly, I would just expect both of the able-bodies adults to clean it up when it happens and not mention it. He’s 83 - it’s totally normal for this to be an issue, and it should be dealt with discreetly and compassionately. Might be worth reminding your husband that some day someone will be cleaning up his piss, and when that happens he will be grateful if they just get on with it quietly instead of humiliating him and making him anxious about it.