Would Counselling help, I know I am being irrational ??

[MakeMineALarge1]

I have just had an Occupational Health review at work as I am struggling with nights.

However we got talking and I confessed since Covid and from working in ICU, I am frightened of dying and in order to keep me safe I have to have something booked - ie a holiday or a night out - in my mind (and I know this makes no sense ) nothing will happen to me if I have something booked. This isn't something new, I always have to have a holiday booked

I know it is illogical and I live in a high risk area so I can't even plan a night and my husband is reluctant to book any holidays in the next 6 months

The lady I spoke to encouraged me to speak to the mental health line - but I wonder what I will get out of it - I know my fear is irrational and my coping strategy won't protect me - I just need Covid to fuck off so I can get my nice little life back again ( along with the rest of the country)

Yes, you need to seek help for this. It’s an ongoing problem if you’ve always had to have something booked.

You say it’s not something new, so have you always felt like this and Covid has just amplified it?

If it works for you, and you know it’s a coping mechanism and that you’re being irrational then I say what’s the harm? Would booking cinema tickets or making a reservation at a restaurant have the same effect?

You sound fairly sensible and aware that you aren’t acting in a logical way but since you know that I’d carry on making yourself feel better for as long as it works. Will you have problems down the track if the situation doesn’t resolve...who knows. At least you have OH to support you if need be.

If you have to have something booked for you to believe you're not going to die / you think you're going to die if you don't then yes. You should speak to the MH line. If they don't think counselling will help you they will tell you so.
They might just help you uncover why this is the case and help work towards better feelings / ways to cope when you can't book something.
It isn't nice to worry about dying if you don't have something booked in so seek help. The worst that'll happen is you'll end up exactly where you started but at least you would know you explored the option.

Thank you for your replies.
I'm taking on board your comments, I'm goung to sleep on it and come back tomorrow. Xx