Is she judging me?

[marmite79]

Hi all, this might be a bit long. There is a mum at my DC's school. I don't get involved with too many of the parents but she seems really nice. Our children are the same ages.

She is a police lady in a small town a few miles away - where I used to live.

I'm a law abiding citizen. Never had a criminal record. The only thing that might be on there is a speeding ticket a few years ago now though.

But it's someone in my family. He's actually my uncle. We have the surname - unique surname and she may have linked us together.

He's done nothing sinister but he's been in trouble - fighting, harassment, being disorderly and drug offences (but tbf the drug offences were probably from before she worked there). Just an all round pain for the local police tbh.

It's only a small place. Only a handful of officers are stationed there so she's bound to know him.

We also used to live at the same address - not at the same time. When I moved out of his old
Place the landlord wanted it snapped up quickly and I needed a place to live! Also there are photos of him if you look back into my fb but I'm sure she hasn't done this or anything 🤣

She seems really nice. Invited me out to coffee before so nothing has suggested she doesn't like me but I'm so scared to meet her. Sounds stupid. I'm pants and making friends at the best of times but I feel like she won't like me when she knows I'm related to him.

Not really aibu but posting for advice! Do police officers judge people on their family members? The rest of us are a pretty good bunch. My uncle just took some of the wrong paths in life 😭

Look. Hes hardly one of the cray twins. Everyone has a black sheep in the family and that's yours. It's not even that hardcore - she'll have seen way worse.

Go along, make a friend, she's probably too busy in any case to remember every petty criminal in town!

I'm a police officer. If I judged everyone by what their families did, I'd have no mates (or DP).

The only person who is thinking about your or your family is you and your family. People don’t care enough to think about people they barely know.

I didn't even live in the same town - a police officer I met who worked in the town with one of the more 'colourful' branches of the family, knew the family well. We had a bloody good laugh about it. You can't pick your relatives!

Your being paranoid, just go and meet her

@OldEvilOwl

Your being paranoid, just go and meet her

this and no one thinks that deeply about others not close to them unless they have serious issues going on

I bet many policemen and women have dodgy relatives as well! Nobody is perfect and she has had enough training to know who is genuine and who isn't , I'm sure.
Your over thinking it ( which I do as well and I probably would about this) but I would still meet up with her and see how it goes. If she is off with you , then you will know not to meet again.
Just see how it pans out. Your relatives behavior isn't something you can control and she knows this too!

She’s probably being nice to you because she’s setting up a sting operation. The invitation to “coffee” will see you arrested and handcuffed before you can even say “Hi” and you’ll be dragged off to the interrogation room and be shouted at until you crack and sob and confess every bad thing your uncle has ever done.

Or maybe it’s just an invite to coffee.

I honestly doubt she cares - it sounds like she wants to be friends!

@CitizenFame

Can't find the up to date figures, but when the ONS were looking at offenders, they found that one third of males had a conviction (not including speeding and driving offences) by the age of 30.

Meet her, she’s obviously not worried about the connection if she’s asked to meet up.

Agree with everyone else. You are overthinking this. She wants to be friends, or at least be friendly, you want the same, just go with it.

Of course they don't, they don't have perfect families either. Stop over thinking & go for the coffee.

@CitizenFame 🤣 love your response!

OP, I wouldn't overtime this too much. Surely police will be bound by confidentiality to some extent anyway. If she does probe or judge like you think she will, she's not worth considering as a friend anyway.

That being said, I'm sure it's nothing sinister. If you are concerned and nervous, just drop it in conversation as a joke or something. If not, just enjoy the coffee with her and making a new friend 🙂

Sorry I meant ovverread not overtime!

I think you're over thinking it.

Thanks all. Maybe I am over thinking it. My partner has a criminal record too - mainly for minor criminal damage (long story) and another when he punched a bouncer that was restraining him for no reason (well I'm sure there must have been a reason but who knows). It was 20 years ago so hopefully she won't know any of that being in a different area and assuming they can't look up details without a good reason? My uncles problems are wide spread and some very recent!

"She is a police lady"

She's an Officer. Not a "lady"

@dollypartonscoat

"She is a police lady"

She's an Officer. Not a "lady"

Could have been worse - she could have called her a female policeman as i’ve seen people do before. 🤣🤣

As kindly as possible, you're massively overthinking this. There's just no way anyone would have the time or the bandwidth to do this much "research" into the background even of a good friend, let alone a casual acquaintance they were meeting for a coffee.

And as someone else pointed out, if the police screened out anyone who has had a family member who has had a brush with the law they wouldn't be able to make friends.

@Laaalaaaa seriously?