To think that at the age of 12, kids arrange their own social lives?

[FortunesFave]

How much input do you have in your child's social life? Covid aside?

DD arranges her own entirely...I then check with other kids' parents about pickups etc.

But there are one or two parents who still try to arrange playdate type scenarios which DD is too old for...she doesn't like it when this happens as she feels pressured into doing things.

I expected them to organise their own. I'd even expect pickups to be organised via the children (I don't think I've even spoken to half of my children's friends' parents).

Some parents liked me to confirm plans at age 12, but this was very much on the way out at this age.

Once mine reached secondary school they sorted themselves out, I was just involved to do the drop off/pick ups.

DS is 9.5 and already pretty much takes care of himself (obviously within the boundaries of what he's allowed to do!) I'd say at 12 it's fairly unusual.

It depends on the 12yo.
Some are socially confident, some not so much.
At 12 neither of my DDs would have been able to make their own arrangements.

(and their friends couldn't either)

Mine did.

But as @TeenPlusTwenties says, some are less socially confident and need help.

And there are some parents that can’t let go/want to socially engineer stuff.

I agree OP, my DC have arranged their own social lives since starting secondary school.

My ds is 12 and its a very tricky age imo. He is definitely too old for me to arrange things but despite being popular and having lots of friends, he doesn't really have the confidence to arrange things for himself. He rarely sees his friends outside of school except at football. I'm hoping as he gets older, this will improve

If the children are being excluded, they might need some parental input.

My 13 year old arranges his on his own now. I think i stopped planning things for him and friends around about the time he was 11 and he and his friends got a phone so they could text and arrange things.
I'm often told 5 mins before he's going out which i dont mind as long as he isnt requiring a lift (i have a younger dc so i need a heads up if he does).
I think if i tried to organise a playdate he would be mortified lol. I was going out the other day to a local park and he had a friend over so i asked if they wanted to come which they did, but that was a one off normally i'd be told no thanks, being seen with me isn't cool anymore!

yes, they definitely don't want parental involvement.
I agree with formerbabe that it is bit of a shame though, as between having some less confident friends, as well as some flakey ones, and being shy herself, it means my probably DD does less socialising. Her friendship group is desperately lacking an organising type!

My year 7 makes her own arrangements, however if she was sleeping over somewhere I would text the parents to make sure she was where she said she was (jaded by my own shenanigans as a young teen where I used to say I was sleeping at so and so’s and actually be at an all night illegal rave) so I’ll probably continue to check up until she’s 18 tbh!

At 14 and 12 mine sort out their own. I did insist ds1 pass out my number before we first hosted a sleepover with his secondary friends, so their parents could get in touch if they wanted to.