AIBU to write this? (Bereavement)

[Florence1960]

I need to write a card to an acquaintance who has just lost her husband. I didn’t know him at all, so I can’t write anything personal about him. I have said a couple of things and was going to say “I hope you find the strength to forge a new future”, does that sound daft. I’ve already written “I hope you find the strength” so I need to continue!
Or I could say “ to face the future”
I don know now...

I think 'I hope you find the strength to get through this difficult time' is a kind and inoffensive thing to say.

I'm sure she will be grateful to know you are thinking of her.

Honestly,I'd get another card & write 'thinking of you at this very sad time'. I didn't read the cards friends sent when my Dad passed but the bit about the future etc would have upset me.

Thanks everyone, I’ll just buy another card and remember your comments. No one wants to add to anyone’s distress and I’m so glad I asked. I knew it was “wrong” but I couldn’t get past it. It really hadn’t occurred to me to bin it and get a new one 🙄

I just remember being grateful that people sent cards. I certainly wouldn't have analysed the words, took offence, cut a friend out for a mis-judged phrase.

OP its lovely that you are thinking off your friend. She will appreciate the sentiment. Sometimes the MN virtue signalling is so over powering. People would really buy another card?

'I hope you find the strength to get through each day; please let me now if I can do anything to help. Thinking of you.'

I’d buy a new card and start again.

Thanks again, I obviously am not seeking to cause distress! And if I were being cavalier I would just have dashed off a sorry about your loss and leave it at that, or not bothered at all. When I returned to work after a very significant bereavement, a member of staff said “Are you ok now?” What did she think I was going to say? “Oh God, yes! All over and done with. Onwards and upwards!” It seemed such a bizarre thing to say. But at least she said something.

Why not be honest. Just say that you don't really know what to say In this situation, that you're out of your depth but that you're there for her and thinking of her?

"I hope you find the strength to get through this, but remember I will always be here on the days that you are not feeling so strong."

I like the idea of "the strength you need to cope with this difficult time" or something like that, acknowledging how devastated she is likely to feel.

I do too. I don't think you need a new card. The above is fine. I'd have appreciated that line when I was widowed.

@saraclara

I like the idea of "the strength you need to cope with this difficult time" or something like that, acknowledging how devastated she is likely to feel.

I do too. I don't think you need a new card. The above is fine. I'd have appreciated that line when I was widowed.

That sounds fine to me.

hope you find the strength to forge a new future”, does that sound daft.
Yes. It is also a totally inappropriate thing to say. She won't be thinking about making a different life for herself. She's just lost her husband. It also smacks of extreme formality too.

Or I could say “ to face the future”
FFS. You have no idea.

I hope you find the strength you need to get through this difficult time."?
No. Don't write that. She has to find the strength. What's the alternative? It could be read as "I hope you cope and don't do anything stupid".

Chuck your card away. You clearly aren't close and have no bloody idea of what to write. Either buy another or don't bother at all. If you buy another, as just an acquaintance, it is best to just write something like "I was so sorry to hear your sad news. My heart goes out to you*.

@Itsabeautifuldayheyhey what an awful friend, asking for advice before wording her support message. And all just to make sure she doesn't say the wrong thing to her friend and upset her. How awful of her

Whatever it is that's made you so angry, I hope you find a way to move past it. That level of constant anger can be exhausting.

No experience of losing a spouse, but have lost a sibling suddenly and in that immediate bereavement period I absolutely couldn’t face hearing about the future, so acute was the pain.

When I have to write another similar card this thread will be really helpful, thanks very much everyone.

OP I dont think you need to buy a new card, you have some suitable suggestions on here. Like a PP I didn't over analyse every word, I accepted that most people dont know what to say when someone is bereaved. I was surprised so many people took the time to send cards and was very grateful. You sound very thoughtful.

The OP has already accepted that any mention of the future is a no-no.

Other people reading this can also learn from it.

@Florence1960 you don't need to buy a new card.
I can imagine your reaction to your colleague's question.

I was at a funeral of someone close who died in their thirties and overheard someone say their spouse was still young enough to find someone new like it was all going to be water off a duck's back.