To feel resentment?

[P1tching]

I know this is one of many threads on the same theme but...

I feel so much resentment towards my colleagues and my husband over the way I was treated during lockdown. I think I had buried it but events this week have really upset me.

Backstory: I am a solicitor and I specialise in Wills and Probate. I work in a "team" of 3 - senior "consultant" solicitor (aged 74), me and a paralegal. We are in one office of a larger firm but are very much left to our own devices. Before we were even locked down formally the senior consultant took it upon himself to work from home, however, he did not take a single file home with him (he refuses to use our case management system as he is "too old" to learn it). The paralegal is a single mum of 3 and asked straight away for furlough which she got. Me and Senior guy work separately but the paralegal is supposed to work for us both.

I have two young DC (5&3) and work PT (27.5hrs a week - 5.5hrs a day to fit in with school hours). My DH is a partner in a London firm. I used to work in central London until I had my eldest and after mat leave I got this job - it is reasonably local and fits in so well with school.

During lockdown I worked my backside off. We were so much busier and I took on the lion's share of my furloughed colleague's work. It was tough working around my DC.

Issue 1: my DH did little to help me. He saw how strung out I was. I would try to work around the DC, stuck them in front of the TV so I could do some work and then worked all evening. He would "give" me Saturdays to work and usually I went into my office and worked for 12 hours each Saturday. DH worked just usual (admittedly long) hours Mon - Fri. He refused to take annual leave to help me. He has taken one day's leave since Christmas. Things eased when the DC went back to school and nursery (reduced hours) but then school holidays hit and I could not find holiday clubs for the first few weeks. I took two weeks annual leave and my furloughed colleague was unfurloughed to cover me (her ex had the DC). During my annual leave I looked after the DC with zero help from DH - he had a big matter on and was working 18hrs a day 7 days a week. Still, it was a break from work.

Issue 2: Because my senior colleague was at home and his files in the office I would spend quite a lot of time scanning and printing for him. I didn't mind at first because I felt all this "in it together" thing but then after a while I realised he was palming things off on me - files that hadn't been touched for months, suddenly could I do x and y and before I knew it they became "mine" (but the bill went through in his name). I asked him to help me with some of my files - things he could easily do from home but he flatly refused. I ended up going to a senior partner and begging to be furloughed (it was refused) - it was swept under the carpet. I started just turning work away as I couldn't cope.

Issue 3: when unfurloughed my colleague did nothing for me. Nothing. I left everything as straight as possible but with a few notes to do some simple tasks (eg if x comes in can you post it with y). She did loads for the consultant though.

So, this week:

1. DH was forced to take this and next week off by his firm, they have said it is bad for him not to have taken any leave. So he has been at home whilst I work and DC are at school. So far he has done very little (except moan that the weather has changed and so he can't do anything nice). Fine, he does need the break but I really resent the fact that I have barely sat down with a cup of tea since March and he is just loafing at home. He did ask to change the two weeks to half term but it was turned down because there is something going on for part of the time which he will be needed for.

1. Back in August I requested leave for the October half term (2 weeks). I struggled to get childcare over the summer and we are not allowed to carry over leave, I have 3 weeks to use before the end of the year. It has been rejected. My furloughed colleague (who was brought back when her children returned to school in September) has requested it and it has been accepted. They won't tell me whether she asked before or after me. Apparently she has 4 weeks to use before the end of December (mainly because she didn't need to use them for childcare!).

1. Senior consultant has basically decided he is never coming back to the office. He must have some dirt on the partners as they are bending over backwards to accommodate him - couriering him all new equipment (that he doesn't know how to use) when the reality is, he can only work from home because I and my colleague run around after him. Colleague has also decided that she is going to wfh 3 days a week as she doesn't want to pay for parking every day (she doesn't want to get the bus like previously) - we can get parking places at the office (which I do) but they are taxed as a benefit and she doesn't want to lose that money. Fine for muggins though. So, I will end up having to do extra work to facilitate her too.

1. My billing was down a little last month (I am still over annual target though) and the number of files I opened in July and August dropped dramatically as I stopped taking on work for a while. I was pulled up on it by the accounts manager. I feel so fucking deflated. Part of my bills have gone through as the consultant's (he gets a % of his billing) because he kept giving me his work but, again, we cannot upset the consultant by taking away some of his riches.

I feel so put upon and unfairly treated that it is making me bitter, I feel like quitting my job over it. DH is another issue, he cannot see that he could have done more. All he complains about is the noise and interruptions he had to endure when he was trying to work with us all at home (meanwhile I had the laptop propped up on the microwave trying to work whilst cooking and keeping the DC alive).

I am tired and stressed and fed up.

Sorry, this is so long.

OP, that sounds horrendous. I would be so tempted to resign but I know that’s not practical.

I think you need to put this in a clear succinct email and send to the partners and HR as this is untenable.

I hope some others in the legal business will be along with more helpful advice

Thanks @Havaiana I think I just wanted to let off some steam.
I have arranged a meeting with my senior partner (via zoom, naturally!) but I will just focus on me needing half term off as I was unable to take any other time, I don't think I will get anywhere with my colleagues as they have both been there for decades and it will probably just mark me out as trouble.

I don't work in your industry so this might be really ignorant but what would happen if when the consultant asks you to do something that it not your job, you say no or only give him a deadline that suits you?

When is he retiring? Is it worth biting your tongue in the short term if the job would normally suit?

Are you able to have any say in the arrangements for the amount of the paralegal's time that is devoted to you if you are going more work than before? Does her working from home make it harder for you and if so is there anything that could be tweaked to make that arrangement work better?

I’m so sorry OP, that sounds hellish. It is deeply unfair.

Do you think you could sit down with your husband and explain exactly what you’ve written above? He must be an intelligent man. Can he seriously not see the unfairness in the situation? If not, I don’t know what to think of him.

I hope you get more time to yourself soon. I certainly understand your anger, anybody would feel the same.

I think you've been treated absolutely terribly op. I think you should do some research into setting boundaries in your work and private life. I've done this and it's made a powerful difference. I think you're a saint.

That sounds shit but not uncommon. My friend is a solicitor and lots of paralegals were furloughed in a multi million pound company and they were as busy as ever. Df has had to pick up the slack as she is a senior member of staff but she was in her knees and pregnant. Partners meant to pick up cases but never did.

Your dh sounds very unsupportive though and has massively added to your stress. He should've planned his leave more. Sounds like he did it deliberately though so that he didn't have to do childcare.

Could you also furlough? Or decrease hours? Probably not practical ...
You are being taken for granted in the workplace and at home. Raise the issue with HR Dept?

OP I have so much sympathy for you! My partner works in the same area and has been completely snowed under and left high and dry but a similarly unsympathetic senior partner. Has missed his annual billing target so is in trouble with the firm.

...but....at least he has me taking up the slack with the house and childcare (even though I’m also working full-time but with a bit more flexibility), so he doesn’t have the added pressure you’re facing.

No advice. Just big virtual hugs and massive fingers crossed that you get the time off you’ve requested and you’re entitled to.

I assume caseworkers names get allocated when something is logged as you would be logging in as your own id - go back through it and note all the work you did assigned to the other guy and make sure to raise that in reality that is your billable time, same for the other crap you had to do for others. It’s probably super arduous but I’d be pissed enough to do it if I were you.

@forallyouknow yes - I can easily show which matters I have worked on for my colleague, we have a daily log of every file we have touched. In readiness for my meeting with the senior partner today (they are in charge of HR, we don't have a separate department) I downloaded them and highlighted what I have done for him recently. I doubt anything will be done about him though, like I say, he is dead wood but they keep him on regardless.
From what I can tell, the paralegal does everything for my colleague - he would be lost without her, he can barely send an email. We can also send dictation to the typing pool (basic letters etc) but he never does and makes her do it all - she would refuse to do that for me though and say that it must go to the pool.

I have come in this morning to a pile of printing to do and half a dozen Wills to bind, really not my job but there is no one else here to do it (we only have a skeleton staff in, those that can't work from home and a receptionist).

My DH is taking me for lunch today and we are going to have a proper conversation about this. He is the main breadwinner and so I understand his job is important and he was very stressed as he worried he might lose his job (that seems to have passed) and that's why I think he had to show he was "there" all the time during lockdown. My job is more flexible - as long as I bring in money they kind of leave me alone.

The meeting with my senior partner went ok - I have been allowed half term off!! They are going to bring a cover secretary into the office for those two weeks.
There is clearly some issue with the consultant I work with and not being able to get rid of him so that is a non starter but they did seem to suggest that I could perhaps start working out of the head office instead and sever my ties with him. They have more staff there and it sounds like they are more of a team but I would have an extra half an hour commute each way. I don't need to decide now.

That sounds like a potential win OP! The commute not ideal though.

I hate this man getting paid on the back of your work.

Just read the thread and wanted to say that I’m glad there’s been some positive results from your meeting. Personally, I think you should consider moving to head office to distance yourself from this dead wood colleague- he’s not going to change and you need to protect yourself. Good luck with everything.💐

I was bemused that the paralegal and later yourself both asked to be furloughed. This is supposed to be a business decision because there is not enough work, not an employee request.

It sounds like the paralegal should not have been furloughed as there was plenty to do, another blatant defrauding of the scheme.

But I am glad you have got your leave approved, it does sound like you need it. I would be more annoyed with your firm for furloughing staff that were needed in order to get a bit of extra money in rather than getting mad with DH as it sounds like he was also working hard.

@Florencex yes - I understand your frustration but you could be furloughed for childcare reasons. Lots of paralegals from other departments were also furloughed as there wasn't enough work to do - I agree though they should have moved an under employed member of staff over to our department. It wasn't my decision to make.

Could you move to the other office (severing your ties with consultant) and then WFH 3 days a week?