I'm in a LDR of almost two years. Bf is 8 years younger and lives with his parents, I live with my two kids. I pay all my bills, don't get money from UC as my wage is 'too high' so everything we have, I pay for. I'm not looking for a pity parade as that's fine with me. So when LD bf comes to stay (which is roughly once every 4-6 weeks) he stays about 2 weeks a time. He eats A LOT OF my food (he has problems with an ED which I've posted about before) and when I complain about it he says I'm free to eat whatever I want when I'm at theirs. However I don't feel the need to eat and eat and eat when I'm there like he does at mine as I don't eat a great deal, I have the odd meals and snack at his (we mostly eat out which we generally go halfs on) and I like and respect his parents in that I wouldn't eat a ton of their food, especially food that I know they might be saving for something or as a little treat. He is trying to get help for his ED but sometimes I wonder if he actually believes he has one or if it's just nagging from me that makes him see about it. Either way, covid has sort of put a spanner in the works help wise but I can't help but find it extremely frustrating - he got up last night when I was asleep due to a bad cough and this morning I've found an empty ice cream carton in the bin. Myself and DD had eaten roughly 1/5 of it, he had a massive amount last week and I made a fuss about it being a treat for me and DD (of which he said pitifully, "so am I not allowed to have any?") and now I see that he's polished it off leaving none for me and DD.
He also ate a full watermelon over two days last week while I was in work which was bought for me and DS - we didn't have a morsel of it. I've found myself hiding food meant for the kids otherwise I know he'll eat it and I'll have to buy more and they'll temporarily go without. I've told him this but it's like he can't help himself - he suffers from a form of bulimia. He doesn't seem to see fit to pay me or re-buy these items as he obviously sees me as a free house. He finished off my cheese last week and when I made a massive fuss because I found out it was gone when I was about to put it on DD's pasta he went out to buy some from the local corner shop. This cheese is pretty much almost gone now, not through my or kids doing.
He will buy us takeaways quite often but also expects me to pay for some which is fine however when we do have takeaways/eat out I tend to choose something for say £6/£7 whereas he'll buy multiple items such as three starters and a main) which comes to say £15 so now I've stopped wanting any as I'm fed up of being taken for a ride.
This isn't the crux of my post but I wanted to give some background. So whenever he comes down here I never ask him to contribute to bills because I don't see why he should because he doesn't live here and I don't contribute to any bills when I'm up there however I'm there sometimes 3-4 days every 3 or so months when he's here a lot longer and more often. He's been down for almost a fortnight now and he brought his air con machine as he came down when the hot weather was starting a couple of weeks ago. I knew this would take quite a lot of electric but not as much as I was expecting. I have one of those key meter things for the electric and when I got paid this time last month there was £46 on there which I knew would last me roughly six weeks.
Yesterday morning the electric went out as the money had run out, so I'd used this £46 in a month. I knew this was because of the air con machine as I've not done anything else out of the ordinary. I can give or take being hot or cold but bf seems to have serious issues with being hot. He'll stand outside in the cold or sleep with a fan on him regularly.
So last night after much anticipation I finally asked him if he would be willing to contribute a bit to my electric bill because the air con machine made it go down really quickly. As I said I've not asked him for anything before, he lives with his parents, pays them £250 a month keep and is self employed to the tune of £52k a year. Not that this matters but I'm making a point that he can afford it. His reply was "umm ok" in a very unsure voice. I asked if that was acceptable and I had the same "yeah ok" unsure voice.
I'm at the end of my tether with him tbh. He's becoming more and more selfish and the fact that he doesn't see that I'm not on amazing pay compared to him (I take home roughly £2k a month) and decides to eat all my food and doesn't like the idea of contributing to the bill that he created is just putting nails into the coffin to be honest. He put an online pasta specialist food order onto my card the day after he came down for £26 as his wallet was upstairs (stupid me said it's fine, put it on mine and send me the money back) and despite me reminding him, he hasn't paid me back and I wasn't even fussed for this order and barely ate any of it so it's not even like I was wanting it. If I knew I was going to end up paying for it I'd have said to forget it or to get up and get your wallet. I know I should be more strong when it comes to getting my money back and getting him to pay me back for the outgoings I've mentioned in my post but he already makes fun of me for counting the pennies and keeping a close eye on my budget (I have to or I'll run out of money) that I know it would be the same if I started about this. However from reading back this post it sounds to me like he's the tight one and is taking advantage of my good nature.
He can be generous at times, we went on a massive holiday this time last year and he paid for most of it although he got to choose the hotels etc and the holiday could have been made quite a bit cheaper than it was but he wasn't 'staying in shit cheap hotels'.
Sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to know if I was BU or if he is. And any tips on sorting this out? Thanks.