Is it too late for us?

[Rocknroller42]

I'm 34, dp is 46. I have one dc who is 9 from a previous relationship. Dp has no kids. Is it too late for us to think about having a baby of our own?
From my point of view I think not. A lot of my friends are only just starting families now. But I had my ds quite young and there would be a big age gap. Dp however has expressed concerns about being an "old dad" and having a young teenager running around when he's approaching retirement age.
We've spoken about coming off the pill and just seeing what happens without actively trying. We are financially secure and if it happened we would cope. Dp does want kids but is just concerned about his age.
Is it too late for us at this point? Does anyone have any positive stories about having kids in later life?

Depends on your attitude. I'm a slug by nature and older as well. I took up running in my 40s partially to keep up with DD. I kayak and hike and a thousand things I wouldn't have done voluntarily but for DD. She's keeping me young.

I was 36 and DH was 48 when we had DD.
It really wasn't a problem.

My dad claimed that having me at 41 (which was unusual for the time) kept him young.

I think your DP is on the older edge of normal, but it's not a crazy age to have a first child and assuming he's healthy, having a teenager in his 60s really isn't a big deal. So it really does depend on how much you both want it. And if you do, I'd get going on that!

My husband was 44 and 46 when we had our children. He was a great dad but I do wish he had lived long enough to know his grandchildren.

Age gap wise, there are 9 years between my sister and I and she is my best friend. She was great to talk to when I was at the embarrassed awkward stage of 14-17 and now were 32 and 41 and the gap makes no difference.

My dad is also older and I never think about it.

If he really wants children and is committed to having them with you, I don't see the problem. I don't think he is that old really and he's certainly not going to get younger - so putting off the decision if it's both what you really want is only going to make it harder not easier.
I think if he's committed to being a parent and you're in a happy relationship together then I'm sure he will be a fantastic dad and I don't think you should let other people's opinions of his age stop you.
Comments about energy levels etc as he gets older are well meaning I'm sure but it's not like anyone has to pass a fitness test to have a child. Some people are young but totally incapable of running round a park with their child anyway, and lots of people with disabilities have children, are they not just as good parents? 40's isn't exactly 80's either - I'm sure it would be fine.

I had dd when dh was 34 and I was 32. Now having another at 36 and 38.

My age on paper looks "old" but I don't feel like I'm 35 (will be 36 when baby is born)

It's not ageism to acknowledge that age does have an effect on a person's health and energy.

No, it's not, and often age does correlate with physical energy etc. But not always. When I was in my twenties I was very ill and at one point in a wheelchair, for much of my thirties I could only stand for a few moments. People in their sixties and seventies were running rings around me. I know that is unusual, but what I am trying to say is that age is only one factor determining when someone has the most ease being a parent, health and other things can play a massive role too.

My dad chose to marry and have a family late 40s to early 50s and said it kept him young

I do think that finances are a barrier after 40-45 for many though

My dad was 47 when I was born. We had nothing in common and did nothing together and guess what? I adore him, he was a fantastic dad and I wouldn't change a thing. He loved me and took care of me. That was enough.

My dad was 41 when I was born, I’m now 44 with 2 of my own and he’s still going strong - he even climbs on his roof fixing ariels (I’ve told him not too 🙄), he’s very active on his Play Station games and I never felt he was too old as a child, he’s great!

I had an older dad. He died when I was 21.