Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Aibu to not let my 9 year old play out every night?

20 replies

Ilovexmastime35 · 23/09/2020 17:31

I know everyone has different opinions on how much freedom they give their children but I'd like to see if Im too strict as my son says I am being!!
He is 9. We live on a housing estate made up of families with primary age children (we live next door to the school) and the elderly in bungalows.all cul de sacs.
My sons best friend at school lives 2 cul de sacs down from us. They often invite my son down. He loves them & loves it down there playing with the kids in that street on bikes and scooters. But it's getting to the stage that he's never here! He's going down straight after school & coming back just before his bedtime!! Nearly every day!!

Im happy that he loves it and they tell me they like him being there but I feel its too much! He's just knocked here and I've said no not today. But my son is now very upset with me & sulking!! There's no actually reason for him not to go other than we miss him!

OP posts:

Ishihtzuknot · 23/09/2020 17:39

My 9 year old dd does this too, it’s quite frustrating at times. I compromised that 2 nights a week she stays home to spend time as a family. I understand how you feel though, you want to give them freedom to have fun but at the same time you want them home with you. Remember he’s only 9 and you make the rules so if you aren’t happy then don’t let it continue as it is.

CoronaBollox · 23/09/2020 17:42

Well he is young but I agree its nice that he is enjoying it, and has the freedom to do so. He will have great memories when he is older. My DM made set days where I had to be straight home, or home for dinner. Obviously you could go down the I'm the parent do as I say route but if he is enjoying it and its harmless fun with his mates, then i would meet in the middle somewhere.

Breakupcharlie · 23/09/2020 17:43

You’re actually really fortunate as around here parents have to pre-plan ‘play dates’. I have real fond memories of someone knocking on the door and asking me to go out to play (and playing out until bedtime).

As long as homework is done what’s the harm? Better than him sitting inside in front of a screen. I’m sure once the bad weather comes he’ll have his friends over (albeit lockdown) to play over yours and vice-visa.

VaggieMight · 23/09/2020 17:49

It's your decision but if he likes going out and he's safe and there's nothing special arranged at home I think it's a shame he can't go out. So many children don't have the option of playing out with friends. Maybe set evenings where he stays home rather than telling him on the day, I can see why he might think it's unfair.

AvoidingRealHumans · 23/09/2020 17:51

I have the same issue with my 9 year old but then I just thought that he had lockdown just stuck in the house with me and his brother so he's enjoying his freedom, also give it a month and it will be cold and dark and he won't be going out to play.
He does his homework before going out and then he comes back for dinner and out after until its time to start winding down for bedtime.

AdelaideK · 23/09/2020 17:52

I think it's nice for him to have this freedom. Plus it's getting dark earlier so he won't be out as much soon.

halcyondays · 23/09/2020 17:53

I think yabu.Let him make the most of the nice weather and playing with his friends. It’ll be winter soon enough and they probably won’t even be able to go in each other’s houses.

Rhubarbcrumblerules · 23/09/2020 17:54

does he not have homework?

lyralalala · 23/09/2020 17:56

I think while the weather is nice enough for it then it's a bit selfish not to let him for no reason.

Kids have missed out on enough this year as it is, not mention they'll get less time to play out in the winter.

Inastatus · 23/09/2020 18:02

I understand where you are coming from OP but I think you should let him play out as much as possible whilst the daylight still allows. In a matter of weeks it will be too dark to play out after school, not to mention the threat of further restrictions putting a stop to it.

BashfulClam · 23/09/2020 18:03

Let them play and be children. I loved playing outside as a child. Good for exercise, mental stimulation, playing with others, using imagination...

Veterinari · 23/09/2020 18:11

Pick your battles.
Unless you have a fun activity planned with him it's pretty selfish to force him to be home alone for no reason.

TheDuchessofMalfy · 23/09/2020 18:13

Can you alternate a bit so that sometimes the friend comes closer to you?

Otherwise I think yabu. It’s good for them to be with friends

lanthanum · 23/09/2020 18:16

A rule of either before or after tea/dinner in summer? And not after dark in winter.

If you apply a "not after dark" rule now, it will naturally reduce the time as the nights draw in, and then before spring, decide what the rules will be.

The other thing is to try and get him to invite the friend to come and play at yours sometimes, so that you get to see him playing with his mates.

user1471538283 · 23/09/2020 18:24

My DS did this every night after school and all weekend when he was that age. The night are drawing in so soon he will not be out. I understand you miss him but I think its great he wants to be out

Original poster

Ilovexmastime35 · 23/09/2020 21:16

Thank you. I will let him continue then 😊

My main reasons were just selfishly that I feel I aren't getting to spend time with him and that I'm losing him
I don't want the other mother to feel like we are taking the mick as he always goes down there and not up here
And the main one is that his 6 year old sister is here and gets upset thats he's able to do it and she isn't (her friends don't live on this estate and there's noone her age). We have a play date once a week for her but it's not the same as her brother going out every single night. She also misses him.
Homework is once a week on a Saturday morning and he reads each night in bed

OP posts:

Bikingbear · 23/09/2020 21:23

My DS is same age. Doesn't bother me him being out but the nights are changing anyway and we have covid interfering with life.

His friends very rarely go out to play on Saturday or Sunday nights so maybe that's a compromise but if your doing to do that I'd do one as a games night and the other as family film night.

Inastatus · 23/09/2020 22:45

@Ilovexmastime35 I completely understand about the feeling of losing them - letting go is the hardest part of being a parent. However, as bikingbear suggested, make a couple of nights ‘family nights‘ to either watch a film or play games etc.
You mustn’t stop your DS from being with his friends because your DD can’t or so he can be company for your DD. This will only lead to resentment. Younger ones have to accept that their older siblings get to do stuff that they aren’t allowed to.

Love51 · 23/09/2020 22:50

The fact that his sister can't go is a really mean reason to clip his wings.

lyralalala · 23/09/2020 22:59

@Ilovexmastime35

Thank you. I will let him continue then 😊

You feel like you are losing him? That's a really extreme thing to say about a wee boy playing out. It's normal for children of 9 to play with their friends. He spends time with you for dinner and family days out and holidays. He'll also spend far more time with you in winter when it's cold and dark.

You need to get rid of the mindset that he can't do things because his sister can't. That's extremely unfair.

She's 3 years younger. So there are always going to be things that he can do that she can't (or there should be). What happens when he's 12 and she's 9? or he's 15 and she's 12? It's not his fault her friends don't live on the estate - her social life is your responsbility, not his.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread