To think psychiatrist shouldn’t tell their patients not to cry

[thedaywewillremeber]

Ds1 25 had a a video call with his psychiatrist. He’s feeling very low at the moment and started to cry on the call. The psychiatrist told him to stop crying over wise he would end the call with him. Aibu to find this insensitive.

Yes. Get a new psychiatrist. Sounds hideously useless!

I have no experience with psychiatrists, but jesus, that's really unprofessional!

I was surprised as he’s usually very helpful.

Yes its unprofessional but in my experience of psychiatrists not uncommon sadly. Does your son need medication? Personally I just let them deal with the drug side of things and use a psychotherapist for anything else mental health related

If he thinks everyone can contain their emotions on command, then maybe he should quit his job as a psychiatrist. After all anybody can tell you to shut up, no special training required for that.

What a callous arse.

I’d be complaining I think. That’s really not ok.

Are you sure this wasn't a case of 'end this call, and pick it up again once you're a bit less emotional'?

I've sat through hundreds of psychiatrist appointments with patients, seen more than my fair share of doctors with absolutely no people skills or tact whatsoever, but when patients are so emotional that there's no actual communication possible it's perfectly reasonable for them to call 'time out'. It's something I use as tool myself with the agreement of the patient.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

Are you sure this wasn't a case of 'end this call, and pick it up again once you're a bit less emotional'?

I've sat through hundreds of psychiatrist appointments with patients, seen more than my fair share of doctors with absolutely no people skills or tact whatsoever, but when patients are so emotional that there's no actual communication possible it's perfectly reasonable for them to call 'time out'. It's something I use as tool myself with the agreement of the patient.

What? I’m sorry, but what?!

I don’t find that appropriate AT ALL.

I think it's fine - if you need time out, you need it.

*What? I’m sorry, but what?!

I don’t find that appropriate AT ALL*

Some people find appointments with professionals uncomfortable and overwhelming. Temporarily halting an appointment in order to regroup, calm down, put thoughts in order, consult with support, nip out for a cigarette, get a bit of air etc, it's all pretty commonplace and a tool used by a significant number of the people I work with. If there's no support present then it's perfectly reasonable for the psychiatrist themselves to suggest the same thing if the appointment is going nowhere. They're not counsellors or there for emotional support, they're doctors with limited time to spend with each patient, so there's nothing inappropriate at all in a psychiatrist calling time on an appointment if it's impossible to actually achieve anything.

It shows that he is not following a particular model or therapeutic approach, and he felt overwhelmed by your son's emotions and couldn't cope. Even if a client is sobbing, it is the professional's job to contain and 'hold' them through it and phrases such as take your time are much more appropriate! Shall I phone back? is what a dentist might say.

Emotions are the business of the mental health professional, whatever your role. If you can't cope with them, get a new job.

Oh so crucially, no you are not being unreasonable OP!

I think that's disgraceful. Your poor son. I hope he gets the help he needs and that his mental health improves soon. I genuinely got tears in my eyes reading that. It's hard for people, particularly young males, to open up and someone who should have supported and helped him has probably made him feel worse. YANBU at all.

Reading some of the replies, it's maybe ok to take a break/timeout if the psychiatrist feels that one is needed, but it should be phrased in a "Shall I call back in 20 minutes?" or "Shall we continue this on a different day?" kind of way.

It is NEVER ok to tell someone to stop crying.

So yes I think in this instance it was handled insensitively.

It's a medical appt., not a solo spot on Jeremy Kyle. The business of mental health professionals is mental illness rather more than feelings, although you can't really separate the two entirely.

What the doc wants so s/he can treat that illness, is info, in limited time. Tears take time.

But yes, some psychs are ghastly little people. If you think that psych is wrong, get another one. Happens a lot.

On the face of it this does sound blunt and harsh. I think it depends on how it was said and words used. As PP said was this that we will pick up another time, did it signpost to other agencies (for example is he having therapy?).

*Reading some of the replies, it's maybe ok to take a break/timeout if the psychiatrist feels that one is needed, but it should be phrased in a "Shall I call back in 20 minutes?" or "Shall we continue this on a different day?" kind of way.

It is NEVER ok to tell someone to stop crying.*

Which is why I was asking the OP if perhaps this was actually what happened, and it's been misinterpreted as 'stop crying or I'm ending this call'.

A direct instruction to 'stop crying' accompanied by a threat to end the appointment is totally tactless and unprofessional. I wouldn't expect any psychiatrist to behave like that, but I've certainly met a few that I wouldn't put it past. If OP's son isn't happy with their psychiatrist then of course they should be requesting treatment by a different individual, and complaining if they believe the psychiatrist's behaviour warrants it.

Psychiatrists are medical professionals. This doesn't excuse what he said but he might not be geared towards 'empathy' as a result. If your DS needs to be medicated, you might want to consider having him see a psychologist too - they are used to tears. In my line of work I see a lot of clients seek co-treatment from both, with the psychiatrist and psychologist working together to achieve the best outcome for the client. If he doesn't require meds, consider sourcing a psychologist. If he needs meds and he's not happy with his current provider, seek a psychiatrist with more sympathy - there are plenty out there.

He told him he was too busy to call back. His nurse suggested it to the psychiatrist.

I've cried copiously in appointments with a psychiatrist and it's never been suggested that we cut the appointment short or that he or I leave the room to allow me to compose myself.

Wtf -he needs to see someone new. Both the counsellor and psychiatrist I have seen had boxes of tissues set out which would indicate it’s something they expect.

@BuggerBognor It's standard for a mental health professional to give a description of physical appearance in a report. It's a way of gauging a patients current state, and keeping track of it over time. Clean means you're managing basic hygiene, not wearing make up may mean you may not be able to manage that level of self care currently, depending on the individual. It's not limited to women, in a man they might comment on whether they were shaven, as an example. It's not sexist, it's part of their observations.

were those his actual words ? Or was it something along the lines of

" Try to stop crying so we can talk properly. Well, if you can't stop I can't hear you speak or know what's the matter, so I can't help you".
Which is not unreasonable in the circumstances.

 Bear in mind that in  a phone consult there's no body language to read and  understand.

Face to face, you can watch a crying person's body language (shaking, chest heaving, shoulders hunched or lowering a little) and gauge when the moment comes to offer some intervention and help. That's almost impossible to do on the phone when you're just hearing gulps and sobs.