Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be sad/angry/irritated that my family feel nothing I do is worthwhile because I'm not being paid for it?

25 replies

wannaBe · 09/10/2007 16:51

Ds started school in September, so I've suddenly got all this time on my hands. Originally i'd planned to study to become a counsellor, but I was rejected by the local college so that idea's gone out the window.

So in the meantime, I've joined the PTA, help out at school at least one day a week, and have just been in to my local vets to get a list of volunteer organizations to see if they would like any help. But it seems that to my family this isn't enough, as one of them has called me at least once a week to ask what I'm going to do with my time now that ds has started school, and when I tell them, they say "well it would be better to be earning money wouldn't it?" and "well that's not really enough is it?". Of course it would be lovely to be earning money, but the reality is that jobs that cover school hours and term time only just don't exist, but when I point this out I'm told that "well the rest of us have to cope." Thing is, I'm extremely fortunate in that dh earns a good salary so I don't have to be earning money. If we needed the money then of course I would go back to work and make whatever sacrifices needed to be made, but given we don't need the money it's just making my life difficult for the sake of it iyswim.

But it's really starting to annoy me now. At least I'm doing something, so why isn't that something considered worthwhile unless it brings in a salary?

ibu?

OP posts:

DoctorFrankenSquonk · 09/10/2007 16:53

YANBU.

Your family sound quite irritating (sorry) Next time they ask, tell them that you had a call from Bill Gates who wants you to take over the microsoft corporation but you turned him down so you can work voluntarily for the PDSA instead.

Or you could tell them that you are trying for another baby - and then go into graphic detail about exactly how you are going about that. They'll soon stop asking.

peggotty · 09/10/2007 16:55

Is it one particular memeber of your family who is making these comments? i.e could it be someone who is jealous?

meemar · 09/10/2007 16:56

Which family members are these, your parents?

And what on earth has it got to do with them?

littlelapin · 09/10/2007 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueBarooeeooeeooooo · 09/10/2007 16:58

yanbu. As you say, what on earth is the point of making life difficult just for the sake of it.

Original poster

wannaBe · 09/10/2007 16:59

it's predominantly my sister with my mum thrown in for good measure. I do think there is an element of jealousy, esp re money as I frequently get comments like "well if I had your money, I would buy x/do y"...

OP posts:

hertsnessex · 09/10/2007 17:00

jealous probably.

Lulumama · 09/10/2007 17:01

complete and utter jealousy

am sorry you didn;t get a place to do counselling

voluntary work is extremely valuable, being in a position to give time is valuable

Lulumama · 09/10/2007 17:02

a lot of organisations and committees that benefit us all would grind to a halt without volunteers

peggotty · 09/10/2007 17:04

Oh yes, the green eyed monster, there's no doubt! They would be spitting fire if you (just as validly) decided to sit back and become a 'lady who lunches' after the hell of bringing up pre-school children!

Difficult to ignore close members of your family when they are nasty like that, but you really should!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 17:05

oh definitely jealousy.

Next time they ask, tell them that you have actually got yourself a fully booked week:

Monday you are having your hair and nails done and going for a tanning session.

Tuesday you've also got a man coming around to quote for an outside jacuzzi.

Wednesday you are catching up with correspondence.

Thursday you are hosting a coffee morning with some other mums.

Friday you are going to trial a new gym/health club.

Et voila.

minouminou · 09/10/2007 17:06

Just tell them that you're making the world a better place by only sticking your nose in where it's actually needed.

Lazarou · 09/10/2007 17:06

I'm now daydreaming about what I will do when my kids start school. Probably sit in bed reading magazines with cups of tea and biscuits. I can't wait!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 17:07

That said, I've seen lots of ads recently asking for volunteers for family support and mentors.

Might be worth looking into?

meemar · 09/10/2007 17:10

My DS1 starts school in January and I keep being told 'you won't know what to do with yourself' and 'what will you do with your time?'

I still have DS2 (aged 2) to look after

Original poster

wannaBe · 09/10/2007 17:12

lol I like your schedule vvv .

OP posts:

brimfull · 09/10/2007 17:14

yanbu -they sound envious of your lifestyle.Don't apologise or explain your reasons for doing whatever you do,ti none of their business.
I do know what you mean ,my ds has just started school and loads of people ask me what I'm doing with myself now.I just say I spend most days lying on the couch watching telly and eating chocolates.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 09/10/2007 17:14

I really wanted to stick a

"and tell your DM and DSis to thtttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpppppppppppppppppptttttttttttttt"

at the end

hanaflower · 09/10/2007 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoredMumma · 09/10/2007 18:15

Too be honest I think you are doing the right thing in doing Voluntary work - it is a foot through the door and always looks good on your CV. When the time comes you might want to get paid work you will have the confidence and experience you need.

UANBU

lovey · 09/10/2007 19:07

I am the head of my PTA and is a tonne of work. people just don't appreciate it, whilst we are slaving away and sending out countless fundraising letters for the good of our children. People just can't see how much time it swallows up.

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 19:10

talk to me about studying to be a counsellor ... what kind? (its my latest flash in the pan)

my father keeps asking me when I'm going to go back to work .. I find if you say never that anything that you do is seen as a bonus

mimi03 · 09/10/2007 19:11

you may want to remind your family that some very important and worthwhile causes only stay up and running thanks to the work of volunteers.

it speaks volumes about you as a person....(and can also look very good on cv's and college applications!)

shows you are dedicated and commited person, as well as having a passion rather than in it for the money.

mimi03 · 09/10/2007 19:13

ive looked into councelling also but found that unless your prepared to study at advanced levels for a long time its hard to get recognised and employed......

Ripeberry · 09/10/2007 20:47

When both my DDs were little i did voluntuary work for Age Concern and our local Meals on Wheels and dealt with the Elderly and Dissabled and then when i had a bit of time i went for a P/T job as a Home Care Assistant and i'm enjoying it so far.
Voluntuary work is NOT a waste of time as it does give you confidence to deal with lots of different situations and sometimes can open up other paths to a new job or career.
AB

Flip