To ask what you would do? Lonely neighbour

[RainyDaze4]

Moved in to a new house a few months ago so obviously haven’t met many neighbours yet. I was on a jog last night (just going dusk) on the next road and noticed an elderly lady standing in her front garden. As I ran past I saw her try and get my attention so I stopped, took out my earphones and she started asking me lots of questions and telling me lots of personal things about herself. She offered for me to go inside but I politely declined.

She sounds like she’s very isolated and just wanted a chat but it just made me a bit worried that she was essentially just standing in the dusk light waiting for someone to walk past. She could end up in quite a dangerous position if someone weird had come past and she’s that trusting.

My question is, would you do anything in this situation? I don’t know the woman, I only have her first name (she told me) and know where she lives. I don’t feel I could go and knock on her door randomly to see how she is and also, it’s none of my business really.

The way she was talking and the things she was sharing it wouldn’t surprise me if she was slightly cognitively impaired but she could just be very lonely. It made me sad but I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do.

Thoughts?

Contact social services?

I think it would be worth contacting social services and letting them know - she may well be on their radar anyway. If not it’s unlikely this would trigger anything by itself, but it does no harm.

Sound sad

I considered social services but I don’t have any information other than her first name and the road she lives on - I know which house it is but can’t remember the number/house name exactly (I can go back and check I suppose!!) - I thought Social would probably be unlikely to speak to me about it if I’m not family/data protection? If it’s the sort of thing you can just call them about, that’s a good idea!

I am thinking you have moved into my area - there is a lady like this in the next road to me. Everyone knows her, she's lived there for years. She is really very elderly and would always come out and talk for ages. Her dementia then advanced and she still lives alone in her bungalow, sometimes gazing out of the window and waving at passers-by and sometimes venturing onto her front path. She has relatives (and carers) who visit regularly, mowing her lawn, etc but I think she still lives alone. I would say- try asking her neighbours first as the lady you met may be equally well known to all and they can let you know if she is being looked after or not.

I know which house it is but can’t remember the number/house name exactly (I can go back and check I suppose!!) You might be able to find out on Google streetview

You can make a report to social services. The first name and address would be enough for them to find out if the lady is known to them. They won't give you any details either way but if she isn't known to them they can take steps to investigate further. I work for adult social services. Hope that helps.

They won’t give you any info about her but just take the details. And yes I would go and look at the house number if you are concerned enough.

Me, I’d look for her whenever I was going by and say hello, stop to chat for a few minutes, bring her a little gift now and then.

People are terribly lonely right now, worse than usual. I think these kind of interactions make things better for all of us.

If you don’t want to do this, then I think the whole thing just isn’t your problem and it’s ok to do nothing.

I have a neighbour in a similar situation.
Unless she is actually being abused or is a danger to herself Social Services won't be interested.The default is that if she has a roof over her head and gets food, then she is deemed to be OK.
You could pass by and have a chat in the garden occasionally.

We had a neighbour like this...an elderly man. He'd stand in the front garden waiting to chat to anyone who'd stop. We used to make sure we'd both turn up for a chat separately...DH and I. DH would get his milk for him.

He died quite soon after this began. I think sometimes, towards the end of their life, some people crave company and will do this.

Maybe just make it a daily stop off. We never went in his house...just stood chatting for ten mins. We gave him our numbers too...so he knew there was someone to call.

He would call about twice a week for something from the shops, that was all.

If you’re in a village, I would contact the Parish Council - in my experience they tend to know everyone’s business! And also agree with adult social services.

I think you should raise a safeguarding concern with social services, she sounds very vulnerable, it may be she already has support in place and just needs a reminder not to invite strangers in.
I would also keep an eye out for her, pop a cake round to her once in a while, so many people are struggling right now, and those who were isolated prior to Covid are now so much worse off!
We are often so worried about interfering that the people who really need help just don't get it.
I hope she is ok & well done for taking the time to stop & to care about her.

This reminds me of a neighbour who felt terribly lonely as autumn came in and dreaded winter. Her husband had died and she said on light nights she would sit in her porch or garden and people would pass and chat a few minutes or wave and people watching comforted her. Whereas when the nights drew in people would hurry past on their way home, often with heads down and never notice her or think she was strange sitting there, even though it was probably the same time of night just colder and darker. Over sharing often comes from the need to talk.

It is likely she is known to services. You can raise an adult safeguarding concern through SS if you can't find out for certain I guess.