To have a Sliding Doors moment?

[BlueBoar]

Posting on another thread got me thinking: what if I had made a different decision to stay in a toxic relationship with a violent and controlling man ten years ago? What would I be doing now? Would I still be with him but doing the work I do now? Would I be crushed and under his control like his current partner? Or would I have somehow managed to make a happy life for myself, DS and any future other children? I’ve never thought about it before but it has got me wondering - what would be different for you if you had gone through the sliding door, or missed the train?

I met my DH because I joined a hobby group on a whim. I literally nearly didn’t get off the bus to join as I was nervous and alone but I decided to and met him that night. Although it was some months before we began seeing each other romantically.

We’ve been together over 15 years now.

I’ve had a few sliding moments with guys I’ve met that I decided not to go further with, however the one that sticks..
We have the option of arranged marriage in my culture and at 22, a family uncle suggested I meet someone he knew. I was nowhere near ready to get married at the time and so this guy was introduced to someone else in the family and they have been married for 15 years. I married someone I met myself a few years later, and dh now strangely works with this guy!
Whilst I havnt spoken to him for over a decade, All I hear is praise about what a lovely guy he is from everyone that knows him and how well rounded he is- my husband likes him a lot. He is probably better looking than my husband and more patient and whilst I’m relatively happy in my relationship, sometimes I wonder how things would have panned out.

Nice topic! For me it was catching the 8pm train. If I had taken that train, I wouldn't have ended up staying in my home town that night, going to my sister's birthday night out and meeting some people who, without realising it, changed my life. They made me realise the relationship I was in wasn't right for me any more (I didn't cheat that night or anything like that, it was just a sudden realisation). I wonder, if I had got that train after all, my boyfriend and I would have got married as we said we would one day. But after I finished things with him, we both ended up in much better situations, he's happily married with a lovely family now and so am I.

I swapped shifts at work and ended up meeting a man who changed my life. I’d been on shifts with him before but we never hit it off like we did on that particular day. We had the most amazing friendship and he made me feel like I never had before. I was in a dead relationship at the time and remember one day just thinking that my boyfriend had never made me feel like that. I went home and ended the relationship. My life improved so much after that
I didn’t end up with the other guy for various reasons but I believe that some people come into your life for a short but important time

I think about these things quite a lot, not in a 'dwelling on my decisions' kind of way but just the so many what if situations we pass through during our lives. Some are really minor and some have a much larger impact.

My family had a major house move when I was 14, we moved to another country, which led to me doing a specific course at college, getting a job related to the course locally after leaving college and meeting my ex partner there who I had my DC with. Massive what ifs there!

When i was 20 i went out to a club and bumped into a man who was working as a technician in the art department of the college i’d just left, he introduced me to his housemate and we talked all night and dated briefly. It didn’t work out but he’d introduced me to some other friends of his he was in a band with, and they were my ‘finding my people’ moment in the city i was then new to. I ended up in a shared house with some of them, am still friends with a lot of them, going on for 25 years now, as well as the man i dated (walked into a playgroup one day years later with then 2yo dc and bam there he was with his dc 😂), and his partner, her sister, and her sister’s dh. I know it sounds weird! But i promise it’s not. I live in a city that is often referred to as the world’s biggest village. Some of my dearest and longest standing friends are people i never would have met if i’d not got talking to him.

My sliding doors moment was friendship related rather than a romantic relationship.
I had the same friendship group from primary school until Year 10, until the Queen Bee turned on me and the others followed suit so she didn’t turn on them too. It was because I wouldn’t go to the park with them and drink, smoke, mess around with boys.
At the time I was so upset to have lost all my friends and the low level bullying I experienced was really awful.
But it spurred me on to work hard, get excellent GCSE results, use those to get into a great 6th Form College where I achieved AAB at A Level and went on to graduate from an RG university. I live in a nice area and, not that money is everything, but my DH who I met at Uni is a high earner so I am lucky enough to not have to work. I have a really nice life, a beautiful DS and DD, and I don’t take any of it for granted at all.

A bored Facebook stalk one night when breastfeeding confirmed what I’d already assumed - the ex friends are all still living in my shitty home town, doing minimum wage jobs and had their DC young. That 100% could have been me. I could have, and probably would have, coasted through school, got pregnant by one of the local lads they were hanging out with, and be struggling in a badly paid job. I know how unhappy that would’ve made me.

So in a weird way, I’m glad it happened.

I love that film, and have a similar moment.

I was meant to go straight from work to stay over at my friends house for a sleepover one evening, but needed to get petrol first and realised I had forgotten my purse so nipped back home to the house I shared with my fiancee to get it. He was out playing golf. But when I walked in his golf clubs were still in the hall, strange. His "nice" shoes weren't there (he didn't have many pairs), even more strange. So I text him asking him how golf was. Great he replied. So I went a bit detective at this point and looked through his pockets, found a receipt from a hotel for a few nights before, when he had also "been playing golf".

Long story short, the gas lighting prick was shagging a girl from work, and if I hadn't gone back for my purse who knows when/if I would have found out. I'm really grateful that I forgot my purse that day!

I was living abroad and hating it after 6 weeks, all set to go home.

My parents and friends persuaded me to stick it out for 6 more weeks, and if I still hated it at Christmas, to move back then.

I met now DH two weeks before Christmas - very glad I stuck it out.

@BlueBoar

Also just to recommend The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, it's a great book about how one small decision can change the course of your life.

Loads of examples.

I applied for a job transfer to a specific part of the country. My line manager called me into his office and confessed he had forgotten to send my application off and the deadline was missed but that he had instead submitted my application for another similar job but in a completely different place. I had seen that second job advertised but hadn't been interested.

I then got the second job, decided to go for it and 6 months after I moved there, met my now XH and we had 3 DCs.

Funny how this man's error changed my whole life. I often think about it.

I'd known my DH since we were children. However we hadn't seen each other or been in contact for about 9 years and we lived separate ends of the UK. Him in Scotland. Me in S.E. England.
He happened to be in London visiting a mate who'd moved there and realised that I couldn't be that far away and thought he'd pop in and surprise me. I should have been on holiday with a mate but she had cancelled due to her boyfriend dumping her the week before and I didn't want to go alone.
He came for the day and never went home. I was 19. He was 21. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary

@BlueBoar many women sadly end up dead when they stay with a violent abusive partner... How many families must wish there had been a sliding doors moment.

Many seemingly inconsequential things have changed the course of my life, a toxic friendship led me to DH.
I've had some near misses too, narrowly missed being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

@MadameButterface

When i was 20 i went out to a club and bumped into a man who was working as a technician in the art department of the college i’d just left, he introduced me to his housemate and we talked all night and dated briefly. It didn’t work out but he’d introduced me to some other friends of his he was in a band with, and they were my ‘finding my people’ moment in the city i was then new to. I ended up in a shared house with some of them, am still friends with a lot of them, going on for 25 years now, as well as the man i dated (walked into a playgroup one day years later with then 2yo dc and bam there he was with his dc 😂), and his partner, her sister, and her sister’s dh. I know it sounds weird! But i promise it’s not. I live in a city that is often referred to as the world’s biggest village. Some of my dearest and longest standing friends are people i never would have met if i’d not got talking to him.

I've got this really strong feeling I live in the same city as you and went to the same art college.

When I was about 27 or so I went to a drinks party a client threw to celebrate getting a new and improved office. While I was there I got chatting with their IT guy who was a lovely Aussie guy. We really hit it off and chatted all evening. Nothing more happened than that.

The next day the client contacted me to say that this guy was really interested and could he have my number. At the time I was seeing a guy that I hoped would develop in to something more so I declined. Nothing serious ended up happening with the guy I was seeing and eventually I met my now DP.

Don't get me wrong, I love my DP dearly but I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd said yes and if my life would have turned out differently.

I got together with DH because I decided to wash my car before going to pick my parents up from the airport. So went into a shop to buy a bottle of car wash - and bumped into him. We already knew each other when teenagers, but hadn't seen each other for many years. So we went for a coffee for a catch up, which turned into lunch, and I didn't wash the car, and was late for the airport. My mother was delighted with my excuse for being a fraction late, as she'd always said DH was the nicest of that group of friends. (he's the sort who always is polite and helpful, thinks of others before himself)

ps DH always washes my car now. Love him.

I should probably say what my Sliding Doors moment was to leave my ex - I was at baby swimming in a nearby town and DS fell asleep in the back of the car so I decided to go for a drive on a road I hadn’t been on before and went for an explore. Got home and Googled the name of a place I had seen and there was a job advert for something I was totally qualified and trained for, closing date that night. As soon as DS was asleep, I got on the laptop and ended up getting the job a few weeks later which enabled me to kick ex out.

I think you're missing the point I took from that film though. The "bad path" was still the right one. She still found out her fella was a cheating arsehat, she still left him and she still met John Hannah. It just took longer. Both paths actually led to the same destination eventually.

That's how I look at life. You'll still get to where you are meant to be despite the obstacles in your way.

I literally had a sliding doors moment.

DH and I had been apart for a year. I missed him dreadfully. I saw him pass the Starbucks I was in. I bit the bullet and went after him. I couldn’t keep up (little legs). I got to him just as the doors to the car park lift slid shut.

I took the split-second decision to press the button. The doors opened, and we’ve been together ever since

Dh was supposed to be on a night out in the city the night we got together but someone he was with got refused entry so they came back home to our town. Might never have happened!

(It’s not a film the plot or cast of which I recall, to be honest, other than it was something with GP in and two storylines that hinge on her making a tube or not). I am using the commonly held interpretation that there are times in one’s life that maybe we wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t done / had done something. I very much doubt I would be living where I live and doing what I do if I had not seen that job advert which I would never have done if DS had not fallen asleep and I had not taken the long road home.

When I moved into uni halls, you were allocated your room on arrival. We got stuck for 45 mins in the Strand underpass due to a protest. I always wondered how different things would have been (good or bad) if we had taken the other route and arrived earlier.

The night I met DH I fell asleep early evening. I couldn't be bothered to go out but i had bought a ticket so made myself. Although I feel like we migbt have met another time anyway.

I had a Sliding Doors moment! I was meeting a friend at Kings Cross and I asked the guard which platform her train would be coming into. We chatted a bit while I waited, but when she got off she was hungover to buggery so we ended up pegging it to the loos so she could throw up! He was gone by the time we came back, so, with the film literally in my mind, I called the station when I got home and asked them to give him a message with my number.

He called me later that day and we arranged to meet. Within a couple of weeks he was turning up outside my house in the wee hours and declaring his love to me regularly.

Had I known how OTT bonkers he was, I would have steered clear, but better to regret something you did do than something you didn't I guess!!

Not a very nice one but I worked with a young girl and it was her turn to finish early from work one Friday.

My plans changed last minute so I asked if she wouldn't mind swapping. She did and so her plans changed as well. That night her friends were in a very very serious car crash where one girl died and there was an attack in the place I was originally going. I think about that one a lot