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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery being a CF or am I ?

74 replies

NurseryNightmare · 22/09/2020 17:01

NC for this.. I registered DD for nursery, starting July 2020, in a pre Covid World.
In the meantime, my DH cheated on me, my World fell apart and I need to move from London, back to my parents in the West Country. I completely forgot the nursery registration. Received a mail from a nursery manager asking me to call her a week before DD was due to start and thats the only attempt they have made to contact me. The mail from the nursery manager was also the same week mediation with DH started and generally not the best week of my life. Now I understand Ive kept a nursery space for my DD and I should have advised the nursery, I totally understand that BUT the nursery havent contacted me since, and now Ive just discovered they have been sending me invoices each month since DD was due to start, for over £ 1500 monthly ! Ive only just discovered these as they went to spam. What can I do ? Do I call the nursery and tell them I cannot pay ? Im in tears at the moment as I really cannot afford to pay this invoice.

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 22/09/2020 18:10

They've been hiring the staff to cover the ratios for your fees.

PrtScn · 22/09/2020 18:12

I’d offer to pay a month and nothing more. They are either chancers or incompetent if they didn’t follow up when you didn’t turn up. I expect they are trying to clutch back lost money over lockdown. Our nursery actually shut.

phoenixrosehere · 22/09/2020 18:14

I find it strange the nursery didn’t phone you after your child didn’t show up at all. Mine will contact you several times and give up your place in a heartbeat after a few weeks because a place is highly sought after.

As it has been mentioned before. Triple check your contract because they shouldn’t be able to charge you for months if your child has never attended in the first place.

AestheticWitch · 22/09/2020 18:15

So no settling in, your DD didn't turn up when she was up to an nobody contacted you?

That's a safeguarding issue right there.

TinySleepThief · 22/09/2020 18:16

I find it utterly bizarre that their only form of contact was via email. Surely phoning you to confirm start dates, settling in sessions and then again when you didn't show up is normal. Running a nursery and only contacting parents via email is just mind-boggling.

damnthatanxiety · 22/09/2020 18:17

@Moltenpink

In the circumstances I would tell them you had sent a letter cancelling the place.

you would lie....nurseries are closing down due to lost fees. The OP is the one who messed up here but you think the right and moral thing to do is to lie.

supersonicginandtonic · 22/09/2020 18:17

It would have taken you less than 5 minutes to reply to the email. Mediation does not fill a whole week.
You say the nursery is in London, don't nurseries in most parts have waiting lists? They are a business they need to be able to pay their bills and staff. That £1500 per month was a space that could have easily been filled. I can see why they would charge you the first months fees but not after that. I'm sure they wouldn't have charged you had you responded to the email in the first place.

Hope your life is getting back on track.

I8toys · 22/09/2020 18:18

I can't believe they haven't contacted you when she didn't turn up. And to still keep invoicing you. There is something wrong with their systems.

Snowyn · 22/09/2020 18:22

In the circumstances I would tell them you had sent a letter cancelling the place.

So would I.

you would lie....nurseries are closing down due to lost fees. The OP is the one who messed up here but you think the right and moral thing to do is to lie.

I don't think it's the 'right and moral' thing to do but it is still the option I would choose, and I would choose it knowing it is 'immoral'.

lyralalala · 22/09/2020 18:24

I can't belive they haven't chased up by telephone sooner. Its bound to be part of their safeguarding policies to chase up children starting who vanish (not to mention the wasted space).

Bluetrews25 · 22/09/2020 18:25

In your stressed state, have you read the invoices correctly? Are they charging you for each month, or are they just re-issuing the bill for the first month?

Azif · 22/09/2020 18:25

@Moltenpink

In the circumstances I would tell them you had sent a letter cancelling the place.

Really? Do you really advocate lying rather than being honest with the nursery?

namechanged8578318 · 22/09/2020 18:27

You should really have let them know and you need to check the contract. However, you've obviously not had any settling in sessions or any contact with them at all, they should have assumed you weren't going to attend, not just keep sending you bills. I can't believe they didn't try and phone you. If a child doesn't turn up to the nursery I worked in and we couldn't get in contact with the parents we would have had to report it as a safeguarding concern (I know this isn't exactly the same circumstances)

AvoidingRealHumans · 22/09/2020 18:29

I agree that they should have contacted you for safeguarding reasons never mind the nursery space. You will probably owe the 1 months fee for the notice period but anything else I wouldnt be paying.

Call them and explain whats happened and be glad that you didn't put your daughter in a nursery that's first concern when a child has seemingly vanished is money.

katy1213 · 22/09/2020 18:32

I find it hard to believe that they'd have kept your place open when they didn't hear from you.
Do they know your address?

damnthatanxiety · 22/09/2020 18:33

@Pheasantplucker2

I would contact them and say you sent a letter giving them notice. You will need to pay probably a month's notice,but they must have had your phone number and I would have expected them to ring you and ask where your child was.

Can't believe how many people think outright lying is an ok thing to do. I wonder what you teach your kids....

damnthatanxiety · 22/09/2020 18:34

@Snowyn

In the circumstances I would tell them you had sent a letter cancelling the place.

So would I.

you would lie....nurseries are closing down due to lost fees. The OP is the one who messed up here but you think the right and moral thing to do is to lie.

I don't think it's the 'right and moral' thing to do but it is still the option I would choose, and I would choose it knowing it is 'immoral'.

at least you are open and honest about it lol!

MintyMabel · 22/09/2020 18:35

you would lie....nurseries are closing down due to lost fees. The OP is the one who messed up here but you think the right and moral thing to do is to lie.

The nursery has been keeping the place, with no attempt to contact the parent for 3 months. That doesn’t sound like very good business either. At what point do you keep billing someone for a service that they clearly aren’t going to use, having not engaged with any settling in etc? It’s bizarre practice for a nursery so they are either badly run or are at it. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they’d filled the place already.

Scweltish · 22/09/2020 18:39

We have no proof here if they haven’t tried to contact the op. Their emails went to her spam which she didn’t check. They could have sent letters to her house (my ds just started and I’ve had LOADS of letters over the summer). They could have even gone to the address for a welfare check and her ex hasn’t said. I wonder if they were given a house phone number which they couldn’t get her on after she moved? As for fees, it depends on what contract she’s agreed to. It doesn’t matter at which point they’ve realised she wasn’t coming, she’s still liable for whatever fees she’s agreed to. For eg if she signed a 6 month tenancy agreement on a house and then decided just not to move in, she would still be liable for the full 6 months rent

phoenixrosehere · 22/09/2020 18:40

Really? Do you really advocate lying rather than being honest with the nursery?

A nursery who seemingly couldn’t be bothered to call instead of just leaving it to email. Most nurseries know emails can end up in the spam folder hence they usually will try by phone and leave a voicemail.

whitewineandmagnums · 22/09/2020 18:44

Something doesn't quite add up here...

I would suspect they have been trying to contact you.

And although I have utmost sympathy in your situation, unfortunately you just have to crack on and hold it together in some instances. I had to sort the application for my DC's school place when my husband was in critical care having nearly died. I was barely functioning but went through the motions as took 5 minutes and I knew it was important.

glitterfarts · 22/09/2020 18:44

I find it hard to believe that they thought you were starting. Things to find out:

were they even open in July?
did you fill in enrolment forms, medicals etc giving them reasonable expectation she'd be starting then?
Did they try to contact you for settling in days?
Did they try to ring you at all?

They MAY have kept the place for you, but surely after a week of no contact and no show, they'd assume you weren't taking it.

Also - most businesses can see who has and hasn't opened the emails they've sent and when they opened them and often how far through you scrolled.

In any case, your ex (child's father) is just as liable for fees as you are.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 22/09/2020 18:50

Had you actually signed a contract?

Registering could mean anything from being on the waiting list to a full contract.

Have to say, it would be unusual for a baby to start nursery without numerous pre-visits and meetings,
.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a shit time

DamitJanet · 22/09/2020 18:54

When the manager tried to contact you did you respond?
Presumably if the place was due to be taken up in July we’re looking at two or three invoices at this stage? What is the notice period in the contract?

Susannahmoody · 22/09/2020 18:56

But your child never showed up? Didnt they think to call you?

Do you have a contract? Can they prove that you signed one?

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