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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

How to kick him out

22 replies

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 12:46

Married 11 years, unhappy for 10, two boys 10 and 7; just found out he had a daughter with his old flame from school. Scum. Asked him to leave, 'why me' said scum, 'you can leave if you want out'.

How do I kick him out so I can get on with life with my boys? Wish I have a brother who has a few burly mates. Seriously it has come to that.

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 22/09/2020 12:48

Is the house bought or rented?

Is his name on the deeds/tenancy?

You might need a solicitor rather than a few burly men.

Sorry about your situation op

sapnupuas · 22/09/2020 12:48

He has as much right to stay as you do.

ghostyslovesheets · 22/09/2020 12:51

Maybe take some ownership of being unhappy for 10 years and doing nothing about it

TheDuchessofMalfy · 22/09/2020 12:52

Yeah solicitor rather than burly mated id say.

You might not be able to get him out until the divorce has gone through. That what happened to me - I had to live with exh for a long time because he wouldn’t leave.

Original poster

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 12:53

I work full time, House is paid for half half. he pays 150pounds into our joint account monthly, which is sh**, all the scrimping I do to save up for the boys.

OP posts:

Laaalaaaa · 22/09/2020 12:54

You can’t, he pays half then he’s just as entitled as you to stay there.

gamerchick · 22/09/2020 12:54

Looks like you need to speak to a solicitor and start the legal ball rolling OP.

WhoUsedMyName · 22/09/2020 12:55

Who stays unhappy for 10years 🤔 and another dc I'm lost

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 22/09/2020 12:56

When you say he had a daughter, do you mean recently? Or before you got together but he didn't tell you?

Either is awful, obviously.

OP you sound justifiably angry but please don't do anything is haste (e.g burly mates) that could put you in a worse position going forwards.

Original poster

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 13:00

I offered to buy his half of the house, he still won't budge; i like the house, small but I put in lots of TLC, the boys grow up here

OP posts:

44PumpLane · 22/09/2020 13:03

Is the house rented or owned.... I saw you say its paid for half and half but I wasn't sure whether that means you have a joint mortgage or a joint tenancy.

If you're serious that you want to no longer live with him you will have to go to a solicitor.

If you rent it will hopefully be easier to separate your household it may just mean you have to move out with the kids, but if he can't afford to live there alone you may be stuck as the landlord can't evict (notice of 6 months required at present) and if you are jointly liable on the tenency then I imagine you may be liable for any debt (again why a solicitor would be useful to get concrete answers).

If you have a mortgage/own it's even harder..... See a solicitor ASAP as the quicker the ball gets rolling the quicker you get to move on.

Chloe1973 · 22/09/2020 13:03

I'm so sorry to hear that. If I were you I'd seek legal advice as it does appear that he has a right to stay in the family home.. but you obviously cannot continue to live like this. Good luck with everything

Original poster

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 13:04

I hate to uproot the boys, but maybe we just have to; stupid me letting myself into this and unhappy for so long. The boys don't deserve this, they deserve better.

OP posts:

44PumpLane · 22/09/2020 13:04

X post sorry

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/09/2020 13:05

If the house is half his you can't make him leave. You will eventually have to go to court i would imagine. Doesnt sound like either of you is willing to budge. That can take a long time.

RB68 · 22/09/2020 13:06

First steps speak to a solicitor. They will talk you through the options

Lockheart · 22/09/2020 13:06

If he is named on the tenancy agreement / house deeds / whatever applicable documentation then you are joint owners and it is likely you have no legal powers to force him from the home. You can't wait til he's out then change the locks. You can't have him physically removed by "burly mates" (at least, not if you don't want to find yourself on the inside of a prison cell facing assault charges). He has a right to be there if he is the joint owner / tenant.

I'm afraid in this case if you do not want to live with him it may be you that has to leave, as difficult as that may be.

Original poster

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 13:16

So he has legal rights to stay, but pays nothing for food, bills, school lunches, books. How could it be so unfair

OP posts:

Lockheart · 22/09/2020 13:21

@tipperty36

So he has legal rights to stay, but pays nothing for food, bills, school lunches, books. How could it be so unfair

Rights to occupy a property are not concerned with how household expenses are split. Who pays for what school expenses is totally irrelevant.

It's an awful situation OP but your only good options at the moment are to seek legal advice and start divorce proceedings, with the aim that you get the house, or you move out. Or both!

Don't start trying to do anything underhand or try to intimidate him. It will backfire on you massively come the court date. It's hard, but be above board and dignified. Keep records of conversations, diaries of events. Write your thoughts down.

Newfornow · 22/09/2020 13:24

Was the daughter born before you got together?
It sounds like this is the reason you needed to leave him after being unhappy for so long.
In your circumstances I would make plans to leave. It’s just bricks. Ask him to buy you out and stop paying for his food.

Original poster

tipperty36 · 22/09/2020 13:36

Born before we met; the women, the girl and her husband posed as old friends. They were very much in our lives. All these years, I've been such a fool.

OP posts:

pointythings · 22/09/2020 13:42

Don't sit there feeling wronged, divorce the fucker. And stop buying his food, he can get his own. Yes, the house may have to be sold, but if you can afford to buy him out then you can afford to house yourself and your boys.

Flip

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