Is she being unreasonable?

[Ifyouarenttheone]

A friend is currently in court as her ex wants contact with their dc. there was dv and cafcass has said the father is a moderate risk to dc but recommended contact eow and video calls. Mother has reluctantly said fine to overnights as everything has been against her and just wants her ex to stop using court to continue his abuse. Her ex has now said he wants dc every weekend or 3 in 4 as my friend currently doesn't work and dc is under two so not currently at nursery. On top of this so far as applied for 3 prohibted steps orders against my friend in 6 months all of which the judge has thrown out.

Friend is remaining firm and saying it is to be eow as recommended and to avoid further trip to court should her ex not agree to changing to eow once dc is in nursery.

Now I don't think she is being unreasonable I've told her this but she is worried as if they don't agree it'll go to a final hearing so just looking for some unbiased outsider advice. So is she being unreasonable?

Not being unreasonable at all! I cant believe if he's a moderate risk hes allowed any un supervised contact in the first place.

Because cafcass has said there are protective factors which they believe out weigh the risk. One of those being that my friend is a protective parent and I assume they mean if something were to happen they know df would get appropriate services involved.

Bump

Hi there.

What is Eow?

@PopsicleHustler

Hi there.

What is Eow?

Every other weekend

Yes, sorry, every other weekend

Shamelessly bumping here

EOW at the most.

Because cafcass has said there are protective factors which they believe out weigh the risk. One of those being that my friend is a protective parent and I assume they mean if something were to happen they know df would get appropriate services involved.

This just makes my blood boil. Women go to the authorities all the time to get help to protect their children and this is what they get. When will family courts and Cafcass get a backbone and do something about these men. I know it's about money and resources.

A relative of mine had 2 cafcass reports. The first said that there was credible evidence. There was. The second said that there wasn't any evidence. Both reports were written by the same person.

No she’s not being unreasonable. It is unreasonable for her ex to ask for all weekends or 3/4, your friend should be allowed to spend some weekends with her child.

I think she's reasonable - not being able to have any weekends with her own daughter is not reasonable as it means she can never take her to see family or friends who work in the week or go to weekend events etc. In her shoes, I would focus on these reasons why it doesn't work for her, rather than her (completely rational and understandable, but theroetical nonetheless) fear that he will not agree to something more reasonable in the future.

She's right. It needs to be EOW He will make it too hard to move to EOW once the child is in nursery. She needs to start as she means to go on. He's using court to continue the abuse, she knows what he's like, she lived with him. Support her.

I definitely am supporting her in every way I can @FedUpAtHomeTroels, this man completely destroyed her mentally and I'm only starting to see the strong df I know come back.

Her ex was even raising about being able to take their dc abroad, he wanted a shared lives with order so he could remove dc without permission in case my df stops him. Ironically it was the ex stopping df from going on holiday when she asked him not to mention having threatened not to return dc on a number of occasions one of those being with me present.

He is crazy and unreasonable, I just hope court will see this in the end of it went to a final hearing or that he would just f*ck off.

And to think her ex wasn't the slightest bit interested in their dc, nor his family and now all of a sudden they're saying they just want to see dc every weekend.

Would it be unreasonable for my df to ask where dc is sleeping overnight if she is in the sole care of anyone other than either parent? So not asking for permission just being informed on who they're with if the parent who has dc isn't going to be present

Anyone?

To us, she's not unreasonable. To a family court they will say that the father is also a responsible parent and able to make a safe decision about who the child stays with.

@copernicium, df did say it isn't to get permission just merely to know where dc is sleeping should anything happen.

Yes but the same - they will say what happens during contact is nothing to do with the other parent. (Not saying that's what I think!)

I see your point @copernicium, its a tough one as df suspects he'll leave their dc in dangerous situations. But again not much she can do, she has gone everything she can to protect dc but the courts are ultimately interested in getting contact going and for cases to be out of court as soon as possible

No the court will want to know where the dc is staying particularly in circumstances were a risk has been identified. The court will want to know that the place is suitable and has adequate beds / sleeping arrangements etc. She is absolutely not being unreasonable to want to know this.

Either way she has asked for it but seems like this will go for a final hearing anyway. Her ex is also declining any video calls to their dc and said df also cannot video call dc while in his care.

So wants dc 3 out of 4 weekends and doesn't want there to be any video calls.