Different religons on different sides of the family. i'm Stuck help!

[mistyamica]

The father of my unborn baby is half asian and I love him to bits!!xxx Sorry!...

The problem is that his mother's side of the family are all Muslim and my side of the family are all Catholic. As you may have guessed they are both arguing over what religion my child should be. I totally respect both religions and I love everyone dearly but I am petrified of offending anyone by not having my child initiated into any religion. I don't want any arguments and I'm scared of offending either side of the family!!

I just want my child to be old enough to decide which (if any) religion they want to be a part of. I want it to be his or her choice.

Am I doing the right thing? And does anyone have any suggestions of how I can tell both parties without offending anyone?

Thanks! xx

You are doing absolutely the right thing.

When your child is old enough to understand, he or she can choose which religion (or no religion) is best for them.

I realise you'll be under pressure, but you've just got to stand your ground.

so far as telling people is concerned, if they have any sense at all they'll appreciate that religion isn't something to be pushed onto a child, and it's only when the child is, say 10 plus that they'll have the understanding necessary to decide whether they want to join any religion at all.

Thank you! I'm just feeling a little guilty as both sides of the family really want my baby to have a ceremony of initiation!

I admit this would be nice but I can't just 'pick one'!! Religion is not something to be taken lightly and I just keep seeing hurt in everyone's eyes! It makes me a little sad! I want them to be happy! lol!

But as you said I must stand my ground.
Thanks for the support! xxx

misty, you could always do a naming ceremony which isn't religious. I would let both sides know that you're not going to raise your dc in either religion but you will teach him about both so that he can decide himself if he wants to be a part of either (or none as the case may be)!

By the way how does your dp feel about it?

Hth - I know how frustrating it is with families and religion . Good luck with the birth!

i totally agree with mumblechum.although your partners side of the family may be harder to convince as i hear that you are born into islam, so you are automatically muslim.....but i could be wrong.

no doubt both your families will get the hump with you, but u need to be firm and why not say you will educate your child about both religions and leave the childs options open?

Stand firm and tell all the family that your DC is blessed to have a multi-faith hertitage and for that reason you can't baptise or have your child to be initiated into one side's religon on their behalf.

I may be wrong here, but I assume that you cannot have a baby baptised into the Catholic faith (for instance) and then have an affirmation ceremony for another faith, so doing both isn't an option, so it will have to be that neither faith is favoured for now until your DC is old enough to choose which, if any, they feel attached to.

it is your DC's decision. In the meantime tell them you'll celebrate the major religious festivals with equal priority.

Yes, I think you are doing the right thing - let your child learn about both religions once they are old enough they will be able to make an informed choice on which way to go - or they may choose a completely different path!

Hi I remember the rows in my own family one side jewish and the other catholic. As a child my father insisted in all children bein raised as catholics but as we got older, we learnt more from my mother about the jewish faith and wanted to experience a synagogue. My jewish grandfather forbid my mum and dad to ever visit, tho aunts and uncles took us to spend time with them. Perhaps you cld all as a family share each others faiths as both faiths have lots of interesting customs etc-I only discovered this for myself as I have to teach it at primary level.Each family could share their beliefs with your baby without hopefully saying one way is wrong or right. Good luck and just remind them what a wonderful thing bein a grandparent is.

what does your husband think on the matter?

afraid i dont have any answers for you, but just wanted to give you my support. i know how hard it can be. before my (arranged) marriage i dated an caucasian guy - 2 in fact, but one was just a silly teenage thing - and i was insanely in love with him. he seemed so perfect to me but it was a real problem for my parents. i went through a year of anguish with them, a constant battle. the thing that really struck me about your post was when you said about the look in their eyes. i felt that so much and i hated it. in the end i realised id been conditioned all my life for this and whilst i hope i can grow more in the future, at this point in my life i did want to do what was right in my family's eyes. i am still wistful of it sometimes, but overall i think i made the right choice. i'm sure you'll figure it out and do what is best for you in the long run.

good luck!

Hi Whiskeyand beer, my partner thinks the same as me, although i'm scared he will change his mind if he is pressured. He's really soft!! But his heart is in the right place. I just don't want him being torn by his family causing anguish between us both!

I just want to say thanks to everyone for your support! xx