to be worried, upset and exhausted

[amijustlosingmymind]

My boss has asked me to phone her tomorrow and I’m so worried.

I have quite a stressful job. It’s technical, difficult and the work is constantly being piled on us.

I worked through lockdown at home with my 6 and 2 yr old...home schooling the 6 year old and just trying to manage the two year old. My husband, also a key worker, was out 5 days a week from 7:45 Til half five-ish.

My kids are now back at childminder and school and I’m doing 4 pick ups and drop off as day between them.

Most importantly and worryingly, I’ve taken a terrible bout of anxiety in work. I’ve been really badly trained and came back from mat leave last year (when DS was 1) and was thrown back into the job. I am floundering and constantly feel sick with nerves. I’ve spent the past two weeks crying most days at my inability to do the job and the more I look at the work the more I panic

I’m up at 4 most morning worried stiff and then it’s a vicious circle. To add insult to injury building works are being completed next door and the banging, drilling and noise is through the roof.

I’m a mess. I logged off today and logged back in tonight to see a message from my boss asking me “to call her when I’m back online..”

She’s noticed my absence. I just don’t know what to tell her. I’m exhausted from every aspect of my life and and worried about everything and feel pretty much Incapable at everything. The feeling is invading everything and I’m so worried.

What do I say to her? I feel ill and like an absolute moron

Regarding the logging off bit, I would be tempted to blame that on the building work, and say that you're having to rearrange some of your working day around the noise.

Are you able to work out of the house at all?

I would be wary of blaming anything on the children as some employers don't like this.

I feel really sorry for you OP, that's a very tough place to be in.

I concur with other posters. Start with one thing which is to be honest with your line manager about how you are feeling, and the challenges you're having.

Any decent manager will want to support you. I also feel you're being hard on yourself about your quality of work, it sounds to me you are doing the very best you can.

I don't agree with some PPs who've said to be less than honest with your manager, IME that doesn't help at all.

Start with the conversation with your manager & go from there.

After that, a GP visit might be a good idea.

Please know that you're not alone, you are dealing with a difficult situation & many people are finding the fall-out from 6+ months of this situation due to Covid very challenging.

Good luck - come back & tell us how it goes. It will be better than you expect 💐

Oh OP you sound so exhausted and stressed. I'd be gutted if one of my team was feeling like this and didn't say anything.

I had a similar period when my kids were similar ages. No covid, obviously! but lots of work pressure and dh working away for an extended period and I was overwhelmed. I told my boss and took a couple of weeks off. That time off gave me enough space to recover a sense of perspective.

You definitely have not been slacking. You may not have been able to sustain your usual output, but that would be impossible in the circumstances. If you trust your boss, please tell her how you're feeling. Either way, take some time off and see your gp. And cut yourself some slack! You've looked after kids and worked full time through a worldwide pandemic! Anyone would find that very stressful and be exhausted at this point. Look after yourself

Tell your boss. I’m in a different field but manage a team of 7. I’d want them to tell me if they felt like this and I would want to support them. She has a duty of care to you too x

You sound like you need a break. Could you book a few weeks off an just take it easy at home, order take away food, and have a staycation for 1 while your kids are at school/nursery? You sound like you really need a break. I’m sure it’ll go fine with your manager but you need to take care of yourself so it doesn’t escalate to the point where you can’t work. Perhaps ask for more training or support with the specific aspects of the job that are most troubling you.

Ok a few things here. Firstly, do you have a set working pattern or is there some flexibility? You have childcare responsibilities and we have all been in lockdown, so there needs to be recognition of that by your employer.

Secondly, don't worry about the message. She just wants to talk to you, it doesn't mean she's making a point about you not being online.

Thirdly, your employer has a duty of care to you. Tell your line manager what's going on, but let her speak first. You don't actually know what she wants to talk to you about do you? I think you need a break and to get some support. Your boss would be a pretty disgusting human being to give out to you while you're ill.

Speak to your boss. They have a duty of care at the very least!

This was me about 4 weeks ago and I have no small children at home. Got myself into a right pickle. Making mistakes getting feedback. Worrying about making mistakes crying at everything my T/L spoke to me and by rights I should have gone on a performance review she asked what she could do to support me. I just cried. I took a weeks holiday and did not let myself think about work. I considered being signed off but couldn't afford it financially and on my work record,
When I looked back on on the 1st day back I felt that dread. My t/l called me I explained how I felt and eased myself back into it , I'm ok now . This pandemic has hit us all you won't be sacked,ask for support tell the truth - come back and tell us how it goes. The holiday loss is a different thing I'm sure you can get this back but that's for another day when your stronger - but 1st ring the holiday company tell them you are fragile and vulnerable and will deal with getting a refund when your stronger Good luck

OP - your anxiety is speaking and you are catastrophising

@Bmidreams

Regarding the logging off bit, I would be tempted to blame that on the building work, and say that you're having to rearrange some of your working day around the noise.

Are you able to work out of the house at all?

I would be wary of blaming anything on the children as some employers don't like this.

I’d do this tbh if you fear your manager will take a dim view to drop offs and pick ups. Does it matter that you work in the evenings instead of the day? And please take some time off soon. As your dh is very supportive, perhaps you could go away alone this weekend to a nice hotel and relax, have room service etc to give you a complete break.

What an absolute nightmare. I had a really hard time when I returned to work after my second child. I had a lot of pressure piled on to me and was incredibly stressed and very unsupported. I became so stressed I was having panic attacks at work. I wished in hindsight (which of course is always so much more rational) that I had just got signed off with stress and anxiety by my GP. It would have just taken the pressure off. My boss was pretty foul to me (she isn’t a bad person just a bad manager). But I got a fantastic therapist who really helped me to work through my anxiety. You have had an incredibly tough few months and you just need to try and figure out how to put your needs first. Is there any way you can combine childcare? Can you find somewhere quieter to work?

Please tell your boss how you are feeling...

You are not slacking! You are doing your very best to manage a difficult situation in challenging times. Please speak to your manager and book an appt with Dr. Stress and anxiety will make you ill, and your employer has a duty of care.
Be kind to yourself and be honest with them.
Good luck x

Good luck today OP. I am sometimes overwhelmed by my work, and also feel like I have too much to do and haven't been trained appropriately. Whilst my boss is unreasonable, the rest of my organisation is taking wellbeing very seriously at the moment. We are using the analogy of an oxygen mask, fit your own before helping others. I wonder if that thought might help, as it sounds like your own needs are last, after children work and house. I've also found mindfulness techniques help me so I can think rather than just panic.

Let us know how it goes.

Hi OP - please let us know how it went today.

I can empathise with you as I have been feeling the same (and I don't have small children or building works next door!!).

I am not confident that I am doing close to a good job, there is a ball of anxiety every time I think about work, crying a lot. I've never ever felt like this before in my life, this is not my usual reaction to anything!

I've been working from home for months in a bubble with very little contact as I don't work in a team, and suddenly every email filled me with terror. Every mistake seemed like more proof that I am useless/slacking/my manager doesn't like me/I am going to get fired. Everything is totally out of proportion.

There is a lot of good advice here to help get you through the next little while. Your DH sounds great, lean on him, talk as honestly as you can to your manager, take time off and do whatever you need to do to keep going

Poor you OP, that sounds tough and you are likely suffering from overwhelm.

You need to breathe, sounds crazy but that will help you in a practical way immediately as your mind is in overdrive. Slow down.

Make a list of tasks/ refine and review/ weed out the unimportant ones that can be done later and prioritise what's needed now. You'll feel more in control that way.

If you have a good manager/caring company then tell them about your training needs and discuss your wellbeing with them. Good luck, you will get through this.

Hi all, I phoned my boss at half 7 this morning (she starts mega early and I could see she was logged in) after barely sleeping a wink And she was lovely.

She had actually done a few things for me that I had missed. Very minor but she’d done it and told me not to worry and to keep myself well. She admitted she feels the same and she said I’ve to contact her first if I need to vent or if I can’t get work done and she’ll divide some of it up - I do have a big workload in comparison to others so could be done without making other’s lives a misery.

I said to her that I feel better by just opening up and that I’d make a list of what I can get done and let her know if anything I think needs taken out my hands.

Was very positive and I’m hoping I turn a corner.

Thanks so much everyone here for being such a good support last night. It is and was very much appreciated

Oh that’s such good news! Very happy it’s turned out well for you and I wish you all the best

I'm so pleased it went well for you, I was worried for you to be honest. Things just get to much for us sometimes (particularly lately) we think we are the only person feeling like this, but actually we're not. There's thousands of people out there all feeling the same, your husband is right about talking about it, it must feel like a weight has been taken of your shoulders.

I hope you have a quiet and relaxing night you must feel worn out

So pleased for you 🌸🌸

I’m SO glad she was lovely OP. I had similar myself, ruining every weekend by fretting about Monday.

My boss and I speak every week but he did take some time to say he’d moved some of my responsibilities away from me as he could tell how stressed I was. It was like my stomach unclenched. That was two weeks ago and I still feel lighter about it.

Book an appoint with your gp. Then have an open and honest conversation with your boss and tell him/her you've booked an appoint to see your gp.

Speak to your doctor and get signed off work and then speak to your boss about it