It's just the 2 of us. there is nobody else. No family, no friends. No support. She is 15. We fled to a completely different part of the country 2 years ago this month to escape my abusive ex husband. School placements are so stretched in this area that it took a year for her to get a place so she only started last September in year 10. She struggled making any friends as she stood out and just as she was getting on her feet there after months of horrible mental health (which included a hospital stay and SS involvement), lockdown hit. She hadn't made any proper friendships yet so had nobody to talk to other than me throughout the lockdown. And I had nobody other than her. I lost my job during the lockdown which was absolutely gutting. It wasn't just the money aspect that made me losing my job so terrible (it was of course the main issue) but also the fact that it was my only social interaction. It's what gave me a purpose and it was gone. The benefits we get are absolute shite and we barely get by. Our house is horrendous, it's a council terrace and is falling apart. We have water coming down the walls in both bedrooms and dripping through the ceiling. We have rats in our walls. Wallpaper peeling off. Damp, everywhere. It is on both of our chests. Council are supposed to be sorting it all but aren't "Because Covid". I can't afford to sort it myself.
What truly hurts is that these past few weeks things have finally been improving and it's all about to go to shit again. DD started back at school and was starting to make friends but is now home again due to Covid in the year group. We are also in a local lockdown area. I finally found a new job, it's not much, just in a cafe, but it's equally about giving me a purpose as it is about the money. My boss has told me today he reckons he'll have to shut the cafe if we need to lockdown again, he was clearly gutted and apologetic and is dreading it all.
I'm not sure what the point of my post is, but mine and my daughter's lives have absolutely no joy to them at all at the minute. We both get seasonal depression anyways so Winter lockdown in this hovel of a house will be lovely. I nipped to Tesco today for some food essentials and realised outside the shop I was out of masks. I always wear them, it was a genuine mistake. I went in and got masks straight away (what could I do, manifest a mask out of thin air or go home and order some waiting for them to arrive tomorrow before doing my shopping, leaving us with no tea?) and in the queue waiting to purchase them somebody started screaming about how much of a selfish cow I was for not wearing one. I showed them I was buying them and they quickly shut up but I was humiliated. As soon as I purchased them I got back to the car and cried for an hour. Drove home having forgotten food and DD was ravenous, had to go out again. Everything is so fucking bleak. I'm on antidepressants and my DD is as well. What a fucking brilliant mother I am, 15 and she's on antidepressants 