To miss my life before DC2?

6 replies

Sadmadworld · 21/09/2020 20:38

Big age gap between DC1 and DC2. DC2 was unplanned but very much wanted and loved of course.
I think lockdown hasn't helped the situation but I often think about how much easier my life was when I just had the one DC, early teens, was pretty much self sufficient and having been a single parent since they were little I was able to get out and do more things, have time for myself etc.
DC2 is very needy and I just feel like I've got another 10+ years before I'll ever get back to the 'easier' life I had a few years ago.

Don't get me wrong I dont regret DC2 but sometimes I just feel like I've taken a huge step backwards and a few years ago I wouldn't have believed I'd be a parent to a toddler having to do all this again.

Can anyone relate or am I just a horrible person!

OP posts:

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/09/2020 20:47

i often feel the same about mine as well and there’s only a 2 year age gap.
My 4 year old will happily play on his own with trains etc it run around the playground chatting to others and playing nicely, the younger one is at that hard age where he I can’t take an eye off him
For a sec!!

Original poster

Sadmadworld · 22/09/2020 09:12

Yes I think in a couple more years once I've gotten past the terrible 2's I might start to feel differently! Doesn't help my partner works alot so I feel like I've gone from complete freedom to not being able to go or do anything without a young DC.

OP posts:

ChazP · 22/09/2020 10:49

Not quite as big an age gap here - just under 6 years, but I do know exactly how you feel. I look at SM posts from friends whose children are similar are to my nearly 12 yr old and they get to do such grown up stuff with them. I’m constantly dragging round my incredibly stroppy 6 yr old. Love him. Don’t regret him. But it feels like I’m stuck in the “difficult” phase for much longer than my friends and I know that he and his sister will never really be at the same stage as each other, which makes me sad.

DesOck · 22/09/2020 11:05

Am pregnant with DC2 and there will be a 6 year age gap. This is my worry really. They have nothing in common and I have no freedom for years. Feel like it was a massive mistake to give up our easy life.

ChazP · 22/09/2020 14:05

@DesOck

My post was very negative, so I’m sorry if I worried you while you’re pregnant. There are lots of advantages to a 6 yr age gap: there’s no competition and very limited sibling rivalry between them because they’re such different ages - the younger one is never going to overtake the older one physically or academically until they’re adults. They rarely fight over the same toys (unless my daughter wants to wing my son up..!).

The bigger age gap also means the older one can be quite maternal - she recently stood up for her brother at holiday club when some kid was being mean to him.

Plus, I’m looking forward to the time not too far away when my daughter can babysit her brother!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. It will be worth it..!

ohmercy · 22/09/2020 14:18

I totally hear you. My elder kids are 20 and 13. My younger ones are 2 & 1. Both extremely high needs and quite difficult. On bad days I wonder why it was so important to me to have more children when I was very happy, settled and content being a single parent to my older two.

Some days are really tough going. Hoping things ease off as they grow and head to school but have a feeling that time will bring challenges of its own!

Still, they are very loving and my days are filled with cuddles and kisses so it's not all bad.

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