Have I become stupid after having kids?!

[neverendingwashingqueen]

Not really an aibu but I feel I need some real people to rant to.

Since I've had DD and DS I think I have become really nervous I'm rubbish at job interviews and I feel really thick. I'm really stupid in fact I don't even know how I will get back into work because I don't know who in their right mind would take me on.

I don't know if anyone else has felt like this? I don't know how to improve.

Just a loss of confidence OP- not unusual at all!!!
How long have you been out of the work place?

I left my proper job in March 2016 I had a little retail job last year but my anxiety ruined it for me and I ended up quitting. I felt as if I wasn't good enough.

Everything has worsened my spelling my writing the way I talk everything.

I’m on mat leave with DS2 and feel like this now!! I had mine 17 months apart so have 2 under 2 and between sleep deprivation (both terrible sleepers) and just day to day handling of a very active toddler & clingy baby, I’ve lost all confidence in myself and feel like I have no capacity for anything involving my brain. Honestly don’t know how I’ll manage going back to work.

Don’t have any useful advice, but sending solidarity as being a SAHP is so hard and doesn’t get half enough recognition IMO. I guarantee you you are doing a whole lot better than you think - being a parent involves so many skills you take for granted as you’re just living your life daily: time management, conflict resolution and multi tasking to name a few.

I've definitely become stupider. I think it's a combination of sleep deprivation and the mental load of motherhood using up my brain capacity

I used to be of well above average intelligence and I literally forgot how to spell my name earlier when someone asked my email address. I find it very frustrating

Happened here too - it’s so bad my GP has agreed I can have all my bloods done to check there’s nothing else wrong!

I went to the supermarket in my slippers the other day, and forgot to shower for three days recently(!) - all bad since having a baby last year.

It's so nice to hear it's just me well it's not nice but you know what I mean!

I never thought about going to the doctors! I'm so forgetful and clumsy and all over the place I hate it.

I’ve two under three and just returned to work after two almost consecutive mat leaves. Keep at it and keep practicing interview technique, I certainly feel like I’m getting a bit more with it each passing day. Sleep deprivation and a change in priorities are doing me no favours!

I'm absolutely thick since having kids. My brain has never come back. I used to be smart. My vocabulary is complete shite. I'm like Homer Simpson, every time I learn something new something else falls out my brain.

Do get a check up at the GP. Just rule out anything physical like anaemia or thyroid issues.

How much time do you get interacting with adults about things that interest you? You mention anxiety, do you have any support for that?
Find an activity that you enjoy that stimulates you eg a book club or online course. It helps to get out of parent mode for a bit and back to being an adult in an adult world.

I had this. My brain went awry after kids. My youngest turned 4 and things were better with sleep and I suddenly got more energy, which in turn led to healthier eating. Then as the kids grew I got more time so I fitted in more exercise. Lo and behold the combination of more sleep, better food and more exercise got my brain working again.
It's not a mystery why parents if young kids get a bit fuzzy. Lack of sleep and the time-sucking nature of it just zap you.
So don't worry, you'll get your mojo back. Hang in there!

Also :
Vitamin b2 and b1 and folates
Omega 3 and 6
Vitamin D
Magnesium

Get amongst ^

I'm like this and my youngest is 8! Wondering if it ever comes back. Even the kids wind me up when I say something daft or can't remember the word for something. I just told them that they have stolen my brain power and that's why they are so smart lol.

Baby brain that never leaves

Two years of really shitty sleep has ruined my memory. It’s embarrassing as I keep forgetting meetings at work and have difficulty spelling simple words!

Sleep deprivation and the mental load don't help.

Mine are 7 & 9 although the 9yo has some SNs so it can be like chivvying younger children still!

I did RTW in the toddler years, one mat cover between DCs and a few years after DS2 so I know it's still in me. Some things are just the passage of time and not having to recall certain information for prolonged periods. I have still got it, it's just hard to have confidence in it some times when there isn't really the chance to show it.

It's easy to get swamped by motherhood. It's worth finding something you can do for yourself though.

You're just rusty not stupid.

I agree with Di11y. I have felt like this too. But I had a great manager who pointed out my internal perception is not the same as what others are experiencing. Cognitive bias and misattribution exists. Lots of people make regular small errors, but in your situation you attribute it baby brain and assume it won't come back. She reassured me that even though I was falling short of my internally high standards, to others I was still coming over as very competent.

Having children has not literally made you stupider. You are much better than you think. You might be a bit rusty, but you will find your way. Have confidence.

I had pethidine for the birth of my eldest (nearly 11) and I immediately felt my brain was fried and never the same. Did anyone else feel Pethidine was involved in brain fry?

Hi everyone,
these posts caught my eye because I am very interested in the topic of 'Baby Brain' or 'Brain Fog' from a research perspective. This means in reality I am interested in trying to understand what it is and what causes it.

If anybody is interested in sharing their experiences under the mumsnet research area I am advertising for research participants on this topic. Just click on the link below to access the research area and information about this study.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surveys_students_non_profits_and_start_ups/4051349-A-touch-of-Brain-Fog

Thanks everyone,
Louise

I am not a SAHM but I suspect its down to lack of the confidence and self-assuredness that having a (paid) job gives you.

Being a SAHP is incredibly hard work for very little reward and the skills you have are not valued by society which leaves people feeling undervalued and underappreciated. It's scandalous that this should be the case but it is.

It sounds like you're in a vicious circle of low self-belief and you need a breakthrough to convince you that you can move past it.

If you don't feel up to applying for jobs could you try volunteering? That would give you an enhanced sense of purpose and develop your confidence.

At the moment my brain feels like sludge. No other word for it. It does get better. My eldest two are less than two years apart and the exhaustion and the feeling of never being off duty just drained me. I used to walk in to a room and stand there with no idea why I'd gone in there.
As they got older and slept more and gained little bits of independence things got better. I'm seriously sleep deprived and even forgot the cat's name yesterday. I feel slow and thick but assuming it will get better again if he ever sleeps (I'm being unfair because he's only 4 months but it's been a very tiring 4 months).

Yes. I think it's like a muscle - don't use it, you lose it. I've started a masters to try to get my brain back after four years as a SAHM. I feel like an imbecile and the class dunce! I used to be quite academic and got a first class degree but I'm really struggling. Staying at home watching cbeebies for years did me no favours.

I hope I'll be back into the swing of things after a few weeks practice.