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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to hate my loud voice?

31 replies

Familyiseverything10 · 21/09/2020 19:30

What can I do about it? Can I ever change?!!
Im 35 now. I've always had a loud voice. As a child I always remember being told to quieten down at school. I was in the choir and wasn't allowed to sing sometimes because my voice drowned out the others!!!
When I drink alcohol I get even louder. I'm not an idiot, I don't make a show of myself etc. Im actually quite a serious person. It's just the volume of my voice.
Im a parent to 2 kids. Id like to think I'm a good mum but I shout a lot. Not telling them off but like shouting up the stairs "your dinners ready!". My neighbours must hate me. I also have an extremely loud laugh!!
I've started to feel very conscious of it when I take/collect the children from school. Everyone must be able to hear my conversations, and when I speak to my children I often see other parents turn to look at me!!
Reading back over this makes me sound annoying!! But that's not my personality at all!! Can anyone give me any tips!! Wearing a mask helps me as I tend not to speak with that on!!

OP posts:

DappledThings · 21/09/2020 19:35

If you know it is loud I don't understand why you can't modify it? I sometimes talk more loudly than I need to, so does DH, so do the DC. We can all be reminded to talk more quietly and are able to do so.

Might take a good while to remember to persistently try to talk more quietly but I don't think a loud voice is out of your control.

BlueJay99 · 21/09/2020 19:39

I am softly spoken myself, I don't like that either as people assume I'm timid / soft / ignorable / uninteresting(or uninterested). I am very drawn to loud people and enjoy being in their company. You guys are naturally lively and entertaining. Don't try and change too much.

1Morewineplease · 21/09/2020 19:39

Just quieten down. You're aware of it so try hard to tone it down. Ask partner/friends/relatives to help you by reminding you when you're being loud.

DollyDoneMore · 21/09/2020 19:42

Speak more quietly.

blubberball · 21/09/2020 19:43

I don't really like my voice either. I sound like Bianca from Eastenders used to RICKYYYYY! It's really a harsh sound.

It was really noticeable when we went to Shropshire on holiday. Everyone had a lovely, calm, softly spoken voice. My family cleared the playground. 😬

NiceGerbil · 21/09/2020 19:48

Ha I talk really loudly as well

Went out with some old school mates and realised we all talk loudly

Something to do with our school?

No idea.

Anyway I know it's loud but it's not the end of the world. People like me and laugh about it

Smallsteps88 · 21/09/2020 19:49

Surely you just need to make an effort to speak more quietly. It’ll take some practise but it will soon become habit for you if you keep reminding yourself before you speak.

katy1213 · 21/09/2020 19:53

Are you my neighbour? I've always assumed you worked on a building site. How about just speak it, don't shout it?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/09/2020 19:56

I'm exactly the same OP, it's really difficult isn't it? I've had people shushing me from the other side of the office, lots of sarky comments at choir, etc etc. I do try my best but obviously I don't 'hear' myself as loudly as other people do.

ddl1 · 21/09/2020 20:02

If you haven't done so, maybe you should have your hearing checked. Loud voices, and voice control problems in general, are surprisingly often caused by slight hearing impairments. As it's a long-term problem, you might consider seeing a speech therapist: it could be that there are quite simple techniques that could help to lower your voice.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 21/09/2020 20:09

I was going to say hearing test and then voice coach.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/09/2020 20:13

I'm loud too.. In a family of other loud women people. We talk over each other too. I've tried to not be but I just am. If people don't like it then meh.

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 21/09/2020 20:21

I used to sit next to a lady at work who was lovely, but like Foghorn Leghorn. Its rude behaviour. Its distracting, and gives me a headache. Some days I'd leave the office and feel almost tearful with relief. No one forces you to yell up the stairs. Anyone can learn an 'inside voice'. Outdoors, its not as bad. But you are probably ruining other people's evenings at the pub, restaurant etc.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 21/09/2020 20:28

Hearing test, voice coach. Surely you can speak more quietly if you needed to? You don’t talk really loudly when waking round a quiet art gallery for example......or do you? You need to practice that.

And sorry but I would really hate it good luck!

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 21/09/2020 20:30

Haha I do too OP. All these comments about "just don't speak so loudly", doesn't actually work like that because talking is an automatic response. My old workplace colleagues called me Foghorn Leghorn, I just laugh it off. I'm not doing it on purpose, some people have naturally louder voices.

LouisBalfour · 21/09/2020 20:32

Few things more annoying than a really loud person. Surely you can work on it?

Smallsteps88 · 21/09/2020 20:42

All these comments about "just don't speak so loudly", doesn't actually work like that because talking is an automatic response.

Don’t be silly. Everyone can and does alter their speaking volume to fit the environment. In church at a funeral? Do you speak at your normal speaking volume? In the cinema? Tucking your small children in at night?

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 21/09/2020 20:47

@smallsteps88 if I'm in an environment like a church that's an unusual situation and I do think about it. But going about my daily business? Absolutely not. And why should I? I'm not bellowing I'm just a bit louder than some others. Neither am I "silly" (or extremely patronising )

Thisisnotnormal69 · 21/09/2020 20:49

“Naturally louder voices” are bloody annoying to others though - who wants to hear someone telling a story across the other side of a restaurant on another table? It’s so rude and entitled to not even care how it might affect others.

And not you OP since you do care! Good luck with trying to tackle it

Smallsteps88 · 21/09/2020 20:50

Neither am I "silly" (or extremely patronising grin)

You claimed it wasn’t possible to just not speak so loudly. That’s silly. Because it is. As you’ve just agreed. Silly.

LakieLady · 21/09/2020 20:55

I've found my people!

I'm so loud that even my whisper is loud. If I whisper somewhere where there isn't a lot of background noise, I can be heard on the other side of a decent sized room. No matter how I try to modulate my voice, it's still loud.

I did a lot of drama at school, and I reckon that when I learned how to project my voice, I forgot how not to project it.

NiceGerbil · 21/09/2020 21:00

Voice coach

I reckon for me it's because in my early career I had to speak up to get the fuck heard !

I find whisperers really annoying personally.

It takes all sorts

NiceGerbil · 21/09/2020 21:02

Loads of men you can hear 3 streets away and I bet they aren't going oh dear I'm so loud on the internet and being advised that they are physically deficient and need voice coaching

Original poster

Familyiseverything10 · 21/09/2020 21:05

My mum always says I was crying before I was actually completely born, and I've never shut up since!! Lol
My nan was almost totally deaf so I was brought up having to shout very loudly to her, over pronouncing everuthing and speaking very clearly.
If I'm in a library etc then yes my voice can be slightly lowered but it's difficult for me. If I get the slightest bit excited or animated the volume shoots straight up! And as I said I don't like it myself so don't expect others too!!
My husband often tells me he hates the sound of my voice. I can sometimes give myself a headache!!

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 21/09/2020 21:14

My family talk over each other constantly (DH found it really hard when we got together) and I did tend to get ignored when I said stuff at uni/ starting my career. So it's a learnt thing for me.

On top of that I probably am a bit deaf due to too many bass speakers when young!

On balance I get more positive comments than negative and I have known some men who really massively boom out and everyone is rolling their eyes !

Everyone is different. In the end.

OP have lots of people actually said, you need to quieten down? It seems like you're really conscious of it but honestly loads of peoplex are loud!

Your husband saying he hates the sound of your voice is not good- he knew what you were like when he married you surely?

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