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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex & Solicitor not responding to me

21 replies

Careermummy · 21/09/2020 16:24

Hi,

Me and my husband agreed to divorce. Everything was agreed with no issues. My ex from nowhere blocked me and 2 days later I received a solicitors letter saying I have to deal with him now and it also contained where my ex stands on some stuff (he has gone back on his word).

I want to be mature about this so I responded and asked 1 question. I had a response a week ago. I then responded with a suggested compromise to one point. Since then I have had nothing! I emailed on Friday to say I was not happy with the speed of responses and I want to get this resolved asap (the letter threatened me with court action if I did not move quickly ironically) & that if things do not get resolved quicker I will need to look at other ways to get any outstanding issues resolved (I'm thinking mediation). What should I do in this situation? I feel like my ex and/or his solicitor are playing games and dragging out what should be a very straight forward conversation.

OP posts:
TheChiefJo · 21/09/2020 16:28

Why aren't you using a solicitor? Get one and follow their advice. They will do all communication on your behalf.

12309845653ghydrvj · 21/09/2020 16:30

I used to work legal sector, although not family, and unfortunately that doesn’t seem very slow to me. A mediation session or meeting would be the fastest way to sort issues out, as they would actually be diesccused there and then

BeaverTail · 21/09/2020 16:42

1 week? YABU, that's not long at all.

Leeds2 · 21/09/2020 16:46

Your ex's solicitor is probably trying to speak to your ex, to get his instructions. A week isn't really that long a time, I don't think.

Sirzy · 21/09/2020 16:48

I think you need to be more realistic on timescales. Before communicating back to you the solicitor will need to talk to your ex about whatever the issue is.

Your case will also be one of many the solicitor has.

ZoeTurtle · 21/09/2020 16:57

A week is nothing and demanding quicker responses isn't going to help.

MyGodImSoYoung · 21/09/2020 16:59

I am a Lawyer, not matrimonial, and a week really is no time at all. I know it is frustrating on your end of things, but your ex's solicitor will have to take further instructions from your ex every time you ask a question or suggest a compromise.

You also need to remember that whilst you are only dealing with your matter, the solicitor will have many more clients. Some will be at court hearing stage, where things need to be arranged urgently and paperwork will need to be submitted to court. The solicitor might not even be in the office if they are having court hearings, virtually or in person.

It must be, understandably, irritating when you thought you and your ex had agreed everything but, unfortunately, this is not the solicitors fault.

cakewench · 21/09/2020 17:00

You need a solicitor of your own or you'll be rinsed here, OP.

I'm not saying this from a biased position; I've not been divorced myself, and I'd say it to either a man or a woman. If the other party has lawyered up and is making new demands, you need to do the same in order to protect your interests. Especially if they're already threatening court.

vanillandhoney · 21/09/2020 17:04

Unfortunately, a week isn't very long at all. The solicitor will have multiple clients and won't just be able to ring your ex, get an answer, and e-mail you back later that day.

I would also advise you to get your own solicitor if at all possible. You're very vulnerable otherwise.

Hingeandbracket · 21/09/2020 17:06

The law is always grindingly slow.

Original poster
Careermummy · 21/09/2020 17:08

For our situation solicitors are pointless as there’s no real disagreements we just need to discuss a few things and get things sorted.

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 21/09/2020 17:10

@Careermummy

For our situation solicitors are pointless as there’s no real disagreements we just need to discuss a few things and get things sorted.
Unfortunately now he's engaged a solicitor himself, they are the opposite of pointless.

Please be careful here.

cranberryx · 21/09/2020 17:13

It doesn't sound pointless to consult a lawyer. Your ex has gone back on his word. If you have proof of that, you might have to escalate to get what was originally agreed.

You need someone to fight this battle with you. Someone not emotionally invested.
This could get very bad very quickly.

MulticolourMophead · 21/09/2020 17:14

@cakewench

You need a solicitor of your own or you'll be rinsed here, OP.

I'm not saying this from a biased position; I've not been divorced myself, and I'd say it to either a man or a woman. If the other party has lawyered up and is making new demands, you need to do the same in order to protect your interests. Especially if they're already threatening court.

This.

How many times have we seen women on the Relationships board facing game playing from their exs. He's going back on his word, so is therefore more liable to try and shaft you.

See a solicitor as soon as you can.

Brighterthansunflowers · 21/09/2020 17:15

YABU

Using solicitors adds extra steps in the chain of communication which means everything takes a lot longer. A week for a reply isn’t really excessive.

Agree that you would be well advised to get your own solicitor now since he has. His solicitor will obviously been looking out for his interests and trying to get the best outcome for him. Unless you’re an expert yourself, you need someone to do the same for you.

Passiveaggressivewoman · 21/09/2020 17:17

@Careermummy

For our situation solicitors are pointless as there’s no real disagreements we just need to discuss a few things and get things sorted.
Solicitor’s are obviously far from “pointless” now that your ex has engaged one. He has something up his sleeve. You better checkmate with your own solicitor before you loose out!
Original poster
Careermummy · 21/09/2020 17:23

What’s he backtracked on are not what’s in our separation agreement. His solicitor has confirmed he will be sticking to what’s in the agreement.

I strongly believe the only reason he has got a solicitor is because he’s a coward. Everything was moving fine until I told him I had found out he was doing stuff behind my back. I didn’t give him abuse or threaten to change/dispute what was agreed

OP posts:
Wfhwith3yearold · 21/09/2020 17:51

The solicitor does not act for you. He only acts for ex so will be waiting on instructions from his client.

If it was me, I would instruct my own.

BlueThistles · 21/09/2020 21:47

get a Solicitor now, before you regret it,

Strugglingmum2 · 20/07/2023 12:13

My ex took my son by invoking her pr rights, im having to rep myself in court, as everyone i have been to wants £1000 up front, SS have given my ex all their paper work yet im unable to get anything, i was even given the wrong paper work where my ex has filed a c100, SS have stated there is no concern around me as a mum, and told me to file my own c100 the hearing was monday just gone and ss didnt even turn up to court, im not elibale to claim legal aid, and have had no contact with my children since the 6th july, ss refusing to return my calls, his solicitor refusing to engage with me and unwilling to return my emails or my calls and my MP has now turned round to me and said there is nothing more they can assist me with as he isnt get a response, i am very worried about the children, and even my ex will not return calls or messages to me, they wouldnt even let me take him to his medical appointment which i have fought for a year to get. Please someone help me

TheCatterall · 20/07/2023 12:19

@Strugglingmum2 you are better off putting a post in legal matters rather than in the middle of someone else’s post. It will get more attention in the other thread.

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