Getting fed up with posters abandoning their threads

[2020wish]

Nothing annoys me more when someone posts a thread asking for proper advice and shares some major concerns in their life... then wait until a whole bunch of people get really invested and concerned and offer support and advice only for OP to completely go quiet and abandon the thread or refuse to answer.. esp when they are clearly on positing other threads or commenting else where. I get the odd one may abandon threads due to real risk but not the majority.
It’s also put me off offering any advice on here anymore as u can get real concern for the op and then just have go about wondering if they were ever ok or not

I was just thinking the same. I just spent a long time reading a post and then 3 pages of replies, but not one response from the poster, so I will never know what happened. Frustrated.

What was the message MN used to post about not giving more than you can handle giving? Don't get too invested. If you're giving advice, give it knowing you might not get a response. Other people in the same situation may be reading and benefiting so it won't be for nothing.

@Marisishidinginmyattic I completely understand but it’s like every second poster.

I think a lot do this when they don’t hear what they wish or expected to hear. They basically just think fuck off and flounce.

The ones I find surprising though are the ones who ask something mundane and then don’t come back to say thanks, like hi, I need some security lights, can someone tell me which are the best and they just don’t come back I think it’s so rude.

On the rare occasion I ask for help with something I always say thank you, I just can’t imagine not.

@Bluntness100 100% agree with all of that.

Or those ones that write in so upset and paint a picture of abuse and being in a serious situation and asking advice then disappear. I mean be an adult and either come back and say look I appreciate all the advice but I’ve spoke to the second party and we have decided to work on it. Otherwise I’m sitting here thinking they locked up somewhere being beat lol and I know not every single one of them can be in that position so they obvs can’t handle the advice they have been given.

Or the pregnancy test posters who start a thread with faint positives/Evaps and promise to update if they get a clear positive or if it ended up an evap... or with issues in early pregnancy-those ones annoy me cause during my time of ttc I searched these boards for similar stories when I was desperate for advice and would come across loads of threads with women in similar situations and scroll like mad to the end to see if they ever updated but nope lol nothing.

Other people in the same situation may be reading and benefiting so it won't be for nothing

This is very true. I can't tell you the amount of times I've gained some really helpful advice from reading threads without ever commenting. One such thread made me see a relationship in a while new light and realized my ex partner was in fact abusive. This obviously doesn't help your frustration at OPs abandoning a thread - I totally understand and get annoyed by that too at times - but just wanted to echo a pp in saying your advice won't have been for nothing!

@Onxob that’s a good point. Il try probably continue to comment my advice then but will still be peeved when the op disappears

When I see it's a long story I sometimes filter if there is more than 1 post by the OP. If there isn't I sometimes decide not to read it.

I know what you mean, but to be fair, people can be pretty harsh on AIBU. If you're not feeling particularly mentally strong and you come on with a sensitive issue and then get an absolute pasting I can see how you might want to run and hide.

I remember posting once on here on a particularly painful and sensitive subject and having a bunch of strangers come on saying "you sound extremely selfish"... I just couldn't handle it. It wasn't so much a flounce as literally not being able to cope with people being that nasty. I'm fairly mentally robust and I can't be the only one...

By the same token you get threads which turn into slanging matches between posters on two sides of a debate which is sometimes a bit tangential to what the OP originally posted about and you can't blame someone for wandering off and finding something else to get involved with.