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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go off sick again

31 replies

Thecherrytree12 · 21/09/2020 13:42

Hi, I am a child protection social worker and after a career of 16 years with no time off for stress I was absolutely broken by coronavirus, 2x bereavements and a critically ill child. I had a month off with stress and anxiety. I have returned to work for 6 weeks now and I feel in exactly the same place. I've been given case after case after case, I've told management I'm struggling, I'm working all day and all night again to keep up, in my team we are 5 social workers down as they are all off with stress and we are carrying dangerous caseloads. I've said over and over again I can't cope, this is risky and no one listens. The final straw being today I've been asked to give evidence in court tomorrow at 9am on a case I dont know as the social worker is off sick. This means I will need to spend all night reading the court bundle and my own work just continues to build. I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. So, my AIBU is -

Would I be unreasonable to call my GP and get signed off for another month? In hindsight I shouldn't have returned so soon as my GP wanted me to take more time but I felt I was letting everyone down and needed to return. In this time I will need to focus on my own shredded mental health and get some therapeutic support. I can't sleep, I can barely eat I am so stressed.

Is it ok to go off sick again after only returning for 6 weeks since I was off? Could I get sacked? I work for the council.

Any advice much appreciated!

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 21/09/2020 13:46

Of course YANBU. Call your GP for an urgent appointment today.

This type of post is so sad. I’ve no idea how your workplace can be fixed without a magic wand but making yourself ill is not part of your job description.

Take time and space to get well. Ask for occupational health input into your return if possible.

Best wishes.

Gazelda · 21/09/2020 13:52

You owe it to yourself to get signed off.

Your management need to address the issue. I know there won't be a magic cure, but it's unsustainable to have a work culture that has 6 people off sick with stress.

wink1970 · 21/09/2020 13:53

Hi OP

You can - probably should - take come time off, but the larger question is whether that time will 'fix' things enough for you? If you take extra time and go back to the same situation will you be able to cope?

I ask because it doesn't sound like your workplace is going to change any time soon. Which is wrong, but overworked department (private and public sectors) are the norm right now and unlikely to change.

Milkshake54 · 21/09/2020 13:55

Make the call. Now.

I’ve been where you are... took a month off after a MMC in Dec, returned for 6 weeks for very similar reasons, was crying all the time, pouring from an empty glass and leaving absolutely nothing in reserve for myself!

I took another month off and really worked on myself! Have been fine since being back.
The work is unforgiving and someone said to me when I was in this place, part of our professional responsibility is assessing that we are fit to practice.... At the end of the day, if anything went wrong (heaven forbid) you can’t sit in front of SWE and say ‘but I didn’t want to let the team down...’

ghostyslovesheets · 21/09/2020 13:59

YANBU- go off sick you sound exhausted

Management need to monitor sickness and at such high levels in surprises someone higher up hasn’t noticed. It’s the sign of a sick work place

I sympathise- lock down has been awful in children’s services - I feel your pain

Original poster
Thecherrytree12 · 21/09/2020 14:28

Thanks so much everyone, I think I know I have to I just feel so anxious about doing this after only just coming back from sick leave.

I don't think things will change. I don't know what I am going to do. I feel sick at the thought of telling my manager I'm going off sick again.

Thanks for all the support and advice, I just feel utterly broken and heartbroken that the job I love and have given my everything to has become so impossible.

OP posts:
Milkshake54 · 21/09/2020 14:33

Hopefully it won’t be forever @Thecherrytree12 but take the time, look after yourself and do lots of self care in your time off. Go for walks, spend time with loved ones! Exercise was my saviour!

Most importantly, don’t be hard on yourself 💐.

Recruit2020 · 21/09/2020 14:49

Get signed off. In terms of your recent return how much communication did you get from your manager / wellbeing team? Have you had a formal return to work meeting and a phased return? If you havent had any of these things then in terms of sacking you they wouldnt have a leg to stand on. I suspect you get enhanced sick pay. Wrongly or rightly so I would only return when you are really ready as another day, 4 weeks or 3 months will be classed as 1 instance. Take time but also email your manager with everything in writing about how you feel. Cover yourself professionally and look after yourself mentally x

ForgotAboutThis · 21/09/2020 14:58

YANBU, and I would also recommend taking as much time as you need in one go rather than coming back and it not being sustainable. I would also request a referral to occupational health if you can.
Look after yourself x

vengeancer · 21/09/2020 15:02

get signed off if you are not well. Nobody can sack you for it but being off again so soon might trigger some protocols (in my workplace, 3 separate absences in 12 months could trigger some sort of monitoring). Should be in your handbook.

Maybe also think about if you can do your job. If not, consider looking for alternatives.

tensmum1964 · 21/09/2020 17:31

It definitely sounds like you went back too soon. You need to take a longer period off in order to recover properly. Your profession and workload is bound to take its toll. No one will thank you for working yourself in to an early grave. Look after yourself because you can be sure your employers won't.

PumpkinPie2016 · 21/09/2020 17:40

I think you need to be signed off- you sound exhausted Flowers

Can you also contact HR/occupational health? The job may be busy but the situation you describe sounds dangerous on so many levels.

Long term - can you look for another job? Either social work but somewhere else? Look in schools -pastoral/safeguarding type roles.

Original poster
Thecherrytree12 · 21/09/2020 20:16

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I just feel so stressed, anxious and totally unable to function except to work. I don't know how to begin to tell my manager I'm going to be off again, it won't go down well at all and I feel awful that my colleagues will pick up even more work.

OP posts:
TeaLibrary · 21/09/2020 20:49

You sound utterly exhausted OP. You need to be seen by your doctor. You know that this workload is not sustainable for anyone. Your health absolutely comes first. If you have repeatedly told your managers that you are struggling and they are aware of the dangerous caseloads you are all carrying and they have done nothing to address the issues then they haven't got a leg to stand on. Had they put anything in place following your return from sick leave I.e phased return / any support or did they just throw you in the deep end? If there are 5 others on sick leave with stress then your work environment sounds dangerous & toxic.

Smilingwhenrunning · 21/09/2020 20:55

After doing the same role for 10 years and almost losing my marriage, family and life after not listening to my body I would say, call your GP, get signed off and seriously think about the fact you can be replaced at work (I know, it's tricky for them to recruit... Are they totally unable to see why) but you're irreplaceable at home and in your family.

You are a hero.

Smilingwhenrunning · 21/09/2020 20:58

As for how to approach your manager...

Dear manager

I am writing to inform you I have been signed off sick due to stress and anxiety, attached is my sick note. I will be in touch with HR to discuss going forward. I appreciate this leaves you and the team in a pickle but it's time I focus on my and getting better.

Speak soon...

Don't make it personal, don't explain yourself, don't make excuses.

Grapewrath · 21/09/2020 21:00

Go sick and this time for longer.
The more people push and push themselves, the more local authorities will expect people to run themselves into the ground as part of he job. Please do not contribute to them having this expectation of you and your colleagues. Ask for an OH assessment and a phased return.
I’m sorry for you, op you deserve better

FrankRattlesnake · 21/09/2020 21:07

OP please tell me you are in a union, they can help you. I’m not sure if there is a different union for social workers, but I know unison has a welfare division and have various support lines. In the first instance you need to look after yourself, but I also assume you have put all this in writing to your manager?

Papering over the cracks and doing this level of work will not end well, for you or your employer. You need to get support and If necessary take these issues higher before something serious goes wrong (and I’m not suggesting with/by you). There will be whistle blowing policies and the like to protect you.

FluffyRabbitGal · 21/09/2020 21:17

Having got family members who worked in child protection social work for a number of years, I completely understand the pressure you’re expected to perform under. But before you can help anyone else, you must first look after yourself. Contact your GP- take the time and support you need.

RealityExistsInTheHumanMind · 21/09/2020 21:28

Definitely you are not being unreasonable
Definitely you should get signed off

Another fucking mess caused by the reaction to a virus rather than the virus itself.

The poor kids, in a desperate state to begin with shouldn't have to depend on an overworked or underfunded service at the best of times. This crap has just put it into overdrive.

You shouldn't have ever been put under this amount of stress when doing a much needed and very responsible job. The system stinks.

Apple222 · 21/09/2020 21:31

Working in a similar job. YANBU at all. You have to go off sick. Recognising your own stress levels, your limitations and your own fitness is crucial. Take the time off you need to get yourself straight and go back on a phased return only when you are ready.

catgotmytongue · 21/09/2020 21:39

Do you have a whistle-blower policy? You shouldn't have to feel this way.

londongirl12 · 21/09/2020 21:56

@catgotmytongue

Do you have a whistle-blower policy? You shouldn't have to feel this way.
I was thinking the same. Even go to the press anonymously? It's not just you and your colleagues, it's the children being let down too
Jinga · 21/09/2020 22:00

I doubt you'd be giving the best recommendation in court tomorrow as you don't know the case and this may have repurcussions so yes go off sick.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2020 22:06

You sound totally burned out.

When you cannot function on any level at work and at home it is time to step off and heal yourself.

You need several more weeks off and some proper tangible help for your mental and physical health

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