to think she is not obligated?

[pickledturnippizza]

Grandmother has 8 grand children aged 9-25. She lives across the world and only sees the grandkids when she rarely visits UK or she takes the kids on trips which can be very expensive (each kid goes on a trip each year).

One of her children (DD) has just remarried and now their family of 3 has become a family of 6 with 4 kids in total aged 8-13 (all girls who get along great). (There is a third step daughter who is 18 and estranged)

The mother has asked the grandmother to treat the two new grandchildren the same. The grandmother although accepting of the new family really doesn't want more grandchildren she would be obligated to include on expensive trips. The two new girls have grandparents of their own, and the relationship would only be forced. The grandmother has met the new girls and everyone got along but she didn't form a grandparental bond and feels the girls are old enough to understand the situation and wouldn't feel left out.

i am an observer the grandmothers has confided in.

The grandmother is very wealthy and is due to split her estate between her grandchildren and also puts in a lot of money into accounts for her grandchildren and she says she doesn't want to do this for grandchildren she doesn't consider as hers.

The grandmother has kept her opinion quiet so far.

AIBU to think it should be the grandmothers decision?

thank you everyone, I went to sleep last night because I didnt think anyone would respond!

@VimFuego101 The grandparents of the step children are embracing their new step children as their own so there is pressure on the other grandmother to do the same. The other grandparents see a lot more of the kids but aren't wealthy so no trips.

I think she is happy with Christmas presents and cards and treating them equally in person, but she wouldn't want to include them on trips and in inheritance and feels it is assumed she will. She already wishes she could spend more time with the grandkids she has and feels exhausted at the thought of forcing a relationship with two more.

@RaisinGhost usually 2 kids at a time, 2 cousins

@buckeejit there was no wedding as lockdown came so they just decided to get married with 5 people and save the money

I have children and stepchildren. I am clear that they should all inherit equally from DH, but I can see no particular reason for the DSCs to inherit from me, though relations are good and I’ve taken the initiative in helping them financially at times - but on DH’s behalf, as it were. They have two parents, no need for a third. I think the grandmother here needs to treat the newcomers kindly, but that does not have to mean holidays and inheritance. Anyway, it’s her call and nobody should be pushing her.