OCD

[worriedmum31]

My daughter has chronic OCD with intrusive thoughts. She would like to have a child but her intrusive thoughts are so overwhelming that she can't make the decision. She has researched OCD and pregnancy, childbirth and parenting, but has not found anything to help her. Does anyone have direct experience of her feelings and anxieties and feel you could help her please?

Has she had any help/therapy/medication (like SSRIs, for example) to help? My DD has debilitating OCD (along with autism) and sertraline has made basic living possible.

CBT May also be helpful.

Hi worriedmum, I am clinically diagnosed with OCD and have children.

OCD makes you doubt yourself (the French call it the doubters disease) so a huge part of your daughters condition will be that she doubts herself due to her intrusive thoughts. Becoming a parent is a leap of faith for all of us, just even more so for those with OCD, but she can every assurance that she will be a great mum, and that she is more than her condition.

She may find this website helpful:
maternalocd.org/

And I would like to add that you are a fantastic mum, worrying and caring for her and asking for advice. She has a wonderful role model in you.

She will need to think about the impact it will have on her child.

I have OCD. I found my pregnancy didn’t make my OCD worse, buy the first month or so after each pregnancy my intrusive thoughts were much more extreme, with my final son they were absolutely distressing actually. I sought out CBT and again, I am managing - i haven’t had an flare ups (where my OCD overwhelms me and I can’t get out of bed) since then and my son is over 1.

I’d reckoned she tell her health visitor when/if she gets pregnant and they can provide support

@RedHelenB

She will need to think about the impact it will have on her child.

I'm not really sure if I agree with this 😕. I can see where it's coming from, but unless a person is likely to cause a child irreparable harm, I don't think it's fair to suggest somebody opts out of having children because they may struggle with mental health.

Anyway. I have diagnosed OCD. Quite severe at times and I have had CBT twice. Being pregnant was a nightmare MH wise, I was constantly doubting that the babies were okay, and checking, and performing rituals. After they were born, that was a whole other rollercoaster, again centred around doubting their health and safety.

But now they're two, I've found that my OCD (once again) is my problem, but not theirs. Perhaps it will get to them when they're teens. But I'm always concerned with their well-being first and foremost. And yes, it's tough, and I am still receiving treatment. It's not easy. But if your daughter wants children, then she will be a great mum. She won't harm them, and there's support out there for her anti, peri and post natally. I don't think she should opt out of having children because of her OCD. Having mine has sometimes helped me to be a lot less focused on the irrational things, because their real needs are more pressing. My life feels fuller.

I hope that helps and that I've explained myself well

I'm not saying she shouldn't have children due to her mental health problems, but she does need to think very carefully about the impact on them and how this can be minimised.

She should not consider DC until her OCD is under control.

My DH has got OCD and my DCs life has been impacted by this, even though I’ve tried my best to not let that happen. I have felt guilty for bringing them into this situation, even though I had no idea he had OCD.

It became worse and worse over time and it’s also changed in how it manifests.

If she does want DC then maybe she can use this as an incentive to get better?

Having fertility treatment triggered my OCD which went undiagnosed until it surfaced in my children. If I had my time again and realised I had OCD I would have had extensive therapy in the very early days. Children learn from their parents as role models. If a small child is witnessing rituals than they will naturally copy these.
Can I recommend you also google infant reflexes not going dormant. Sometimes OCD is triggered by anxiety which can be created by a person’s reflexes not going dormant.

Thank you all so much for your very helpful replies. I have forwarded them to my daughter and she has found them helpful to. At least she knows she isn't alone and can go to mumsnet for more advice. Thanks again.