Fallen out of love with DH

[ldnirish]

Name changed for this and shamelessly posting here for traffic.

DH & I have been together 9 years, got married 3 years ago & have a beautiful 1 year old son.

There is some background history of drink and drug issues on DH's part which if I'm honest probably form the basis for why I'm now feeling like this, not because he has the issues but because of the dishonesty that came with them. He has never cheated and I don't think he would do either.

DH was the best husband I could ask for all through pregnancy and labour, however shortly after we came home from the hospital, he started acting different. I think I am viewing him in a new light as I cringe at some of his behaviours and hope to god he doesn't pass them to our son. He is a good dad, but I almost feel like in order to become a good dad, he's had to give up being a good husband. We bicker all the time, barely have normal conversation and when we are childfree of an evening, will do separate things.

I'm not entirely sure what the point to this post is.. anyone out there felt like this with their SO and worked through it, or on the flip side when did you know to call it quits?

Sorry for the long post. My head's a mess and I haven't got anyone IRL to talk to about this. Thanks in advance Foro answers x

It’s very common. Bickering when you have kids, falling in and out of love, hoping your sons in particular don’t pick up the annoying habits their dads have.

Dishonesty is harder, I would struggle with that. Is it still an issue now? But love comes and goes in most long marriages. I remember talking to an elderly couple who admitted that they had nearly a decade when they didn’t really feel in love. But they had it before and they got it back and made it to 50 years. There was also a survey (by relate I think) showing that couples who split after counselling were less happy a decade on than those who worked through it.

Give it time, try to focus on his positives and rebuild a bit of romance if the baby allows.

Ps, I’m childfree right now and “hiding“ from my husband because I’ve been with the kids all day and want some peace!

Thanks for the response @peakotter.

I hope this is just a rough patch and we end up like that elderly couple you mentioned.

He sadly still is dishonest.. will tell me he's had 3 pints instead of 5, that sort of thing. I've learned not to care and in doing so have found myself becoming totally indifferent and numb.

I'm just so, so sad and don't know what to do about it

That sounds tough! It does take both of you to work on it. You can’t hold a marriage together on your own.

Would he be open to discussing why he is dishonest with you, and what he can do to stop it? Don’t let this eat away at you, there are steps he can take to improve stuff. He’s probably got a list of things that are annoying him too! Work on things together and you’ll come out stronger.

I literally could have written this!
I'm feeling the same right now, we've been together 10 years, got married 3 years ago and have a 7 month old baby girl. My husband has had problems with betting throughout our whole relationship that have resulted in lying and sneaking around which I resent him for.
He is really enjoying being a Dad but we have been bickering all the time lately. After confiding in a few friends who have had babies, they said they all felt the same in the first couple of years after having a baby, so I think it's quite normal to be like this as you adjust to life in your new family unit...
It's totally up to you want you want to do, but I'm sticking it out a bit longer and seeing how we go, I don't want to break up my baby girls family unless I absolutely have to.