When you wake up morning and decide you cannot do this any more

[MadameBee]

In an abusive relationship.

What is the first thing you to?

He isn’t here and I am safe.

I have had enough and am leaving.

Its shit isnt it .
If it was me I would try and think what advice I would give to a friend in the same situation.
As in can you stay and get your ducks in a row.
Do you have kids that need sorting or if you leave now will it make life harder in the future than if you waited a small amount of time to sort material things out .
Best of luck

You need a plan A, B and C.

Get everything sorted, make your plan and then extra for in case it doesn't work. Reach out to someone you can trust, if nobody in real life then use a helpline.

Keep your cards close to your chest until you've got everything together, keep your resolve and don't forget that you are loved. Good luck xx

My sister contacted women's aid who were a great help to her. She wasn't in immediate danger - though now that I know more I wish she had come to me rather than waiting a couple of days for WA emergency accommodation. She contacted WA, gathered her important docs, got things (clothes, a few toys) ready to leave with. Your own situation will obviously affect how you do things, and how much time you have. The most important thing is keeping you and any children safe. Things can be replaced, you can't. So if you need to go immediately, go to a friend, or family now.

Morning OP. I always wished i had told my mum or sister. I had to tell my friend as had to call the police and needed support as had nowhere to go but she ended up coming to mine while he came with his step mum to get his stuff. He tried talking me out of it but my friend kept me strong. Without them there he would have gone mad, and he did abit but his step mum made him leave which was good as he didn't want to act crazy infront of her as apparently I was a lier about it all. He tried coming back but I had to cut all contact. Abuse continued via text so new number and its been 8 years now and Im finally free. Good luck OP. Get as much support as you can and dont be embarrassed about asking for help you've done amazingly well to get this far.

Phone Womens Aid. They will help you.

It is fantastic you are leaving, you should feel proud you have made the decision.

My mum never left her abusive relationship. It never got better and he was threatening to kill her right up until she died at 84.

You are saving yourself from a life of misery.

I have no advice but I want you to know that you are making the best decision and I'm so very proud of you

My mother and my sister judge me constantly.

My last child left last week.

Last night he said if I die he will sell the house and give as little of it to my kids as he can.

You secrete essential documents to the home or a location totally independent of him.

Tell him (and mutual contacts) nothing until you're already gone.

Don't ever be alone (even with kids) with him once he knows.

In that case you tell your family nothing, do not trust them with information or documents.

You need to seek advice to find out your legal rights (which will vary depending upon whether you are married, which assets are joint assets etc). How can he decide what happens to the house after you die? (If you’re not married or joint owners of the house, is this under a will you made?).

Then collect all essentials together to avoid going back again and make the arrangements for your new accommodation so you’re ready to move straight in. Don’t confide in your mum and sister if they won’t be supportive.

Make the calls outside of the house.
join the women's aid survivors forum and make sure you cover your tracks online.

Bide your time.
From here on you will be operating with your own discreation.

Visualise a time in a few years time when you will have crossed the bridge, happy, financially secure and confident. You can do this.