AIBU to want more time?

[Stitchyfingers]

FTM here and both partner and I are absolutely besotted. He's gone back to work recently so has understandably asked for a bit of downtime. Before baby he was really into his gaming and would post videos online where he'd created a bit of a following (10 people max). In the first few weeks, he took a couple of hours here or there when baby and I were napping and he wasn't too tired. This week he's presented me with his "gaming schedule" which includes 3 weeknights and some time on Saturday. I assumed it would be for a few hours in the morning but turns out that's how he wants to spend most of his day. On top of that, I've realised that he hasn't helped with feeding or any other baby related jobs for the whole week, just taking cuddles when everything's done and she's sleepy. When I've asked him to step back a bit or allow some flexibility to help with the baby he's made me feel like he's entitled to his time and I'm out of line for suggesting such a thing.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here. It's been a long week and I'm upset that a completely reasonable (IMO) request has created a huge argument.

Just a sensible conversation about how while he's at work you're responsible for baby. While he's not at work it needs to be 50-50. Nappy changes, feeds, crying, cleaning, cooking, downtime, sleep, all needs to be equal while he's not at work.

But op if he was that bloody besotted with her he would want to help out more! Not sit on his arse gaming all day and night! If you choose to accept and put up with this now then don't moan further on down the line when you're absolutely exhausted running round like a blue arsed fly doing everything while he does nothing.

Why would he want to spend so much time away from you and the baby? Is he going to give you three evenings off and a morning off each week? He needs to realise he has to be available to co-parent all the time.

My DH is a school governor and in a choir, but when DS was tiny he reduced his commitment to both, went to fewer rehearsals and meetings, and ensured I got equivalent time off to see my friends. But three nights a week? It’s just not workable. When would he interact with the baby?

Why would he want to spend so much time away from you and the baby?

Because parenting is stressful and he misses his old life. Like lots of men, he likes the idea of being a father but not the reality.

A 'gaming schedule' with a tiny baby. Nope

The good news is that he's being upfront with you about what he wants rather than just doing it - that paves the way for a rational conversation between the two of you. As you say, you need to be more explicit about what you want too.

My DH is a gamer (and he was a massive twat spending 95% of his pat leave gaming). Believe me you need to put your foot down NOW.

When is your three evenings of leisure time each week and one whole day off!

You need a schedule divided into work (looking after the kids of your work on mat leave), family time, housework and leisure. I expect all you time will be coloured in with work (looking after the kids is your work on mat leave), housework with zero/little family time and/or leisure. Compare with his chart which will have work and leisure time with a tiny amount of time allocated to family time and housework

I just need to be clearer about my needs too

Don't put the blame on yourself here OP; he shouldn't need it explaining that his priority now is looking after his daughter, and his hobbies will have to take a back seat for now.

Good luck with nipping it in the bud now though.