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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to buy 2 birthday presents?

27 replies

glammama · 09/10/2007 08:35

DD came home with an invite for a party. Her classmate is having a joint party with her younger sister and the invite has both their names on it. DD wants to get them both a present but I think I only need to get a present for the child in my DD's class, assuming that the younger child will get presents from her classmates. Am I being tight or is that acceptable? I'm on a bit of a budget and can't keep splashing out on unnecessary presents.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 09/10/2007 08:36

No experience here but would definitely be comfortable just getting present for dd's classmate and I am sensitive to these things!

dolally · 09/10/2007 08:38

no not unreasonable, imo.

Can you speak to the mum/dad to say that's what you'll be doing, to put dd's mind at rest?

ProfYaffle · 09/10/2007 08:38

dd1 was invited to a join party a few weeks ago, I just bought for dd1's friend. Didn't occur to me to buy a prezzie for the sibling tbh.

MamaG · 09/10/2007 08:39

No
Just get present for DD's mate

LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:41

We have a similar problem, only I know both children, but have mor to do with one than the other. So the one I know is getting a (have tried to think of a nice way of putting this but there are none) slightly more expensive present.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 09/10/2007 08:43

I had a joint party last year and only a couple of the other boy's friend bought dd1 a present. I was surprised actually. but generally they only bought preesents for "their" child

Original poster
glammama · 09/10/2007 08:43

Thanks for your replies. I thought of speaking to the parent but I don't know them to recognise and the email address on the invite is unclear. I'll attempt to email anyway. I just have to convince DD that one present will suffice. And what do I buy a child I do not know at all? This is all new for me as DD has recently moved to this school after spending 3 years at a school where no-one had parties that she was invited to. It was a very unique school.

OP posts:
lilospell · 09/10/2007 09:28

I wouldn't buy a present for the other child. It's the parents' way of saving money, so why should it cost you more? Why not get your DD to make a special card for the sister?

If you don't know the child, would go for something fairly general, like pens/pencils/nice drawing books/beads etc.

FloridaKbear · 09/10/2007 09:31

I would get a present for the friend and wrap up a packet of sweets for the other child just to avoid the moment when both children are standing there in front of you all expectantly when you walk in! Smiles all round as they both get something and your dd gives both of them something.

putitdown · 09/10/2007 09:39

could you get a joint pressie. Colouring stuff etc

Ripeberry · 09/10/2007 10:32

Last month my DD was invited to a party for triplets!. There was no way i was going to get 3 seperate presents so i just got one that they could share.
Did not get 3 seperate cards either, just made our own.
AB

Flibbertyjibbet · 09/10/2007 10:41

Don't get a joint pressie. Children hate that.
Just get one for the child that your child knows, as that is who invited him.

tigger32 · 09/10/2007 11:01

I think the whole present buying thing has got so out of control, we had a party for ds1 (4)last month and one mother bought a present for ds2 (11 months) as she didn't want him to feel left out!!! It's her ds party soon and i won't be buying for her dd aswell!!
If you only know one of the children I would only buy a gift for that one, like you say the other ones friends will buy for her.

SugaryBits · 09/10/2007 11:05

No not unreasonable. I had a joint party for DS with a friends lo last week (At same school). We did invites separately with just one childs name on so that parents knew to only buy one present. We then mentioned to them it was a joint party. When people asked what to buy we both said something cheap. £5 max.

Enid · 09/10/2007 11:06

would definetely buy a presnet for both

Clary · 09/10/2007 11:11

yes one pressie is fine.

We used to have joint parties for DS1 and DD and I never expected anyone to buy both a pressie. Sometimes we invited two siblings they were friendly with IYSWIM and they usually bought a pressie each. Or some people we have known a long time would buy both a pressie even if only sending one child.

But school friends of DS1 and nursery friends of DD, who probably didn't know the other child at all, no, one pressie is fine.

miobombino · 09/10/2007 11:18

Slightly different; one year dd shared her party with a classmate and each girl also invited a very few "own" friends. Neither of our girls expected or got presents from the other's "own" friends. It would have been silly !

But you may be on hello terms at least with this sibling;if so how about a card and a token pressie only eg a pencil from Woolies with her name on which isn't expensive and will keep your dd happy.

lilospel · 09/10/2007 11:28

My DD is sharing her next party with a friend. There's no overlap in guests when they have separate parties, but all know each other IYSWIM. Could we write on invitation "we don't expect any presents, but if you would like to buy a little something, just buy for the child you know best?" Or what would you do?

lilospel · 09/10/2007 11:29

Oops, sorry Glammama, should have perhaps started separate thread instead of hijacking this one - do you mind?

TwigorTreat · 09/10/2007 11:30

had similar .. bought for DS's classmate and not older sister

Hulababy · 09/10/2007 11:41

Have been to joint parties before. We only send a present for the child(ren) we know. If there is someone else we don't know joining party, even if relative of other child, we don't buy them a gift. Never felt odd about it at all.

SoMuchToBats · 09/10/2007 11:53

I think the best compromise would be to buy for dd's friend, and then just get a very small, inexpensive token present for the sibling. That way you eon't have to spend much money, but dd will feel you have given something, and sibling probably won't notice her present is less expensive.

How old is party girl? (Thinking of appropriate presents)

LucyJones · 09/10/2007 11:54

just one present for classmate imo

UnquietDad · 09/10/2007 11:56

We got a three-way invitation soon after DD started school and it was made clear that if you were buying a present, you were only expected to buy for the child who had invited you.

Original poster
glammama · 09/10/2007 12:39

Gosh, so many replies. I'm assuming DD's classmate will be 8 as they're in Year 3.
Lilospel of course I don't mnd your post. I think writing on the invite is a great idea.
I think I will do as some of you have suggested, get a proper pressie for DD's classmate and then get some stickers/pencils for the little sister. That way everyone is happy. I guess we won't have this problem ourselves as when DD's next birthday in June comes along, she won't be sharing a party with her 3 month old brother or sister!

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