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to ask DH for just one guaranteed good nights sleep in 4 years

15 replies

LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:19

DH has rota week off work - he is a posty. Because RM are changing his hours (long frustrating story) and our financial losses from strike, last Friday and all this week instead of working my 5 hours a day I am working 8.5 hours a day, to build up some leiu time and overtime to cover the affore mentioned problems.

Since DD was born 4 years ago I hav always let him have lie-ins at weekends and never expected him to get up in the night as he has the physical job.

However this week I am already finding hard, yet he refused to get out of bed on the weekend and implied I was making up my tiredness. Normally DD and DS (10mn) are good sleepers save the odd night here and there, but this week DS has an awful cough and I have been up for at least 2 hours last night, and simialr on previous nights.

He is now grumpy with me for demanding he collects me from work rather than me getting a bus home (20 minutes to get home instead of 45), but I am so tired I could weep, and I have no colour in my cheeks - a frightening sight this morning.

And it's not like I rest when I get home, becaus he's not used to have DC's all day and hands them straight over and expects me to cook dinner.

He thinks I am joking when I ask him for this week only and only for just 1 night to get up if the DC's wake. he keeps going on about our so called 'agreement'.

We have a lot going on at the moment with DH family and an impending bereavement (another thread)so I dont want this to explode but I feel like smothering him with his own pillow when he lies there at night and I am in and out of bed like a yoyo.

But am now at work again and am going to bed down under my desk - I wish.

OP posts:

belgo · 09/10/2007 08:24

You're both working and he still expects you to get up for the children every time they wake up?

Even if you weren't working that is still a huge task to ask!

I would also be tempted to smother him!


LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:30

It's honestly not a problem as normally I only work 5 hours a day in the afternoon and we share care of the children. Also I have a desk job - although very mentally challenging at times, he has a physical job and is up at 4am, where as I am up at 6am

But as RM will be making him work later and I still want to get home at a decent hour, on his week off I have to work longer days to build up some lieu time. And adding an extra hour on too to make some overtime to cover where he has lost pay because of the strike

I only want 1 night!

OP posts:

WaynettaVonBlood · 09/10/2007 08:31

Give him a kick up the arse for me please!
I think he's had it cushy so far, and has probably got used to it.

I find in situations like this it's best to treat men like children: give him a choice of things he probably doesn't want to do to e.g. "When I get home today would you prefer for me to look after the kids while you cook dinner, or cook dinner while you look after the kids?" (if he doesn't play ball I'd just let him go without)

If he's not used to having the kids then maybe you need to give him some ideas of what he can do to keep sane during the day (e.g. playground, out for a walk)

(but I do think you need to put your foot down)


LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:37

Waynetta - you hit the nail on the head with the treat men like kids comment!

I think he's actually the better parent when it comes to play and fun and in that he is more patient, esp with DD.

When I complimented him no it at the weekend he said - "It's not hard really you just have to think like I child and that comes naturally for me"

OP posts:

WaynettaVonBlood · 09/10/2007 08:41

But I'm guesing (if he's anything like my DH) that while he's home all day he plays with the kids and lets the housework etc go untouched, whereas if you were home you'd be rushing around like a madwoman trying to get housework done, amuse kids and cook????


LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:43

Good guess, but he does his fair share of housework, he tidies well and yesterday dried all my laundry, putting stuff on the airer etc.

I have no reason to complain about him other than he doesnt seem to think I need a goodnights sleep this week!

I should probably count my blessing really - should'nt I and stop having a go at the poor bloke

OP posts:

bozza · 09/10/2007 08:51

So he is not working because he is on strike? You are working extra because this has made money tight? So your original "agreement" is slightly out of kilter at the moment anyway. So no YANBU.


LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 08:53

I'd probably go for the softly softly approach and say if he lets me have 1 really good nights sleep I will reward him with sexual pleasure (then we both get what we want) (Btw I wouldn't offer that unless i was 100% fine with following it through) It would work in this house, but then it's usually dp who see's to dd2 in the night anyway as i am a very heavy sleeper.


LowFat · 09/10/2007 08:55

Bozza - this week is his rota week off so he's not striking - although would be if was at work - Friday he was striking.

OP posts:

TheApprentice · 09/10/2007 09:19

YANBU. Yes, you had an agreement, but things have changed and you are working extra hours to help with the income, therefore he needs to put a bit extra in with the kids.

I think men can be very good at playing with children, as you say, but parenting isnt just about the fun bits, you have to do boring and tiring stuff like getting up in the middle of the night as well.


sarahtwobratz · 09/10/2007 09:39

I am SAHM with 2 DDs, and I have asked DH if I can have a night off this week. He works away during the week, but has extra two days off this week, so will be home wednesday evening. My Mum & Dad have a house next door, but they are away at their house in Spain for a few months so I have suggested I stay there Thursday night to get a break. He was not happy, panicking at having to look after his own kids! Think it was made worse when 6yo says she wants to come with me! But I think she deserves a break from 2yo sister too. Am I being unfair? (2yo is a trully terrible two)


LoveMyGirls · 09/10/2007 12:02

S2B - If it were me i'd rather have more time with us all together and use the extra evening with dp as a special romantic night in (candles, ncie food, sexy underwear etc) But if you feel a peaceful nights sleep would benefit you all then I think it's very fair for you to have a night off. Theres nothing to say you can't do the romance thing then go off and sleep next door!


florenceuk · 09/10/2007 12:16

BIL is a posty so I know how the night work and the job can make you very tired. But I think YANBU, as he has the week off and he has been on strike so should be feeling physically a lot better. I think you should refuse to cook dinner, come home, and go straight to bed! You sound exhausted.


LowFat · 09/10/2007 12:23

Things have changed slightly now as DH has just found out his GD has died this morning so despite my own tiredness I will do all I can to make life easy for him. But perhaps when I get home - after tea - I will go to bed and enjoy an early night.

OP posts:

HysterSister · 09/10/2007 19:34

Be sure to be too tired for sex.

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