To not let MIL look after DS

[ScatteredMama82]

My MIL has asked if she can take DS on a couple of days out in half term. The last time she was with him, she told him about ‘Hari Kiri’ (Japanese ritual suicide). He cried himself to sleep that night as he couldn’t stop thinking about it (he’s 10). He was also really worried that DS2 heard it too (he’s 6, but thankfully wasn’t listening. He was in earshot though). My DH has mentioned it to her (she’s abroad so communication is by email mostly) but so far she hasn’t Replied , not acknowledged what he said, she’s totally ignoring the issue and pretending it never happened. It’s not the first time she’s upset the kids, AIBU to say no to her looking after them unsupervised?

Just no, obviously. What a very weird thing for her to do!

No way. That’s weird and cruel

I knew about Hari Kiri at roughly that she and was invited, so I don't think that bit is weird per se. But if she can't read your kid well enough to know he isn't taking it well and stop, and worse, she won't have a conversation with you about it, then that's appalling. So no. YANBU.

Sometimes these things come up in conversation with kids. I have the weirdest conversations with my daughter sometimes and while I can tailor them to.her..that's because I know her so very well. Sounds like your MIL doesnt know her grandkids (sad) and couldnt adapt accordingly. Give her another chance. She is their grandmother!!

She is their grandmother, and I appreciate that we can all say things that later we think maybe shouldn’t have been said, but it’s really the fact that a) she was unaware of how upset DS was by it and b) she won’t even engage in any discussion about it. Even if she thinks the conversation was appropriate, surely she should acknowledge that she didn’t mean to upset him? I know if I upset a child, even unintentionally, I would try to rectify it.

@ScatteredMama82

She is their grandmother, and I appreciate that we can all say things that later we think maybe shouldn’t have been said, but it’s really the fact that a) she was unaware of how upset DS was by it and b) she won’t even engage in any discussion about it. Even if she thinks the conversation was appropriate, surely she should acknowledge that she didn’t mean to upset him? I know if I upset a child, even unintentionally, I would try to rectify it.

How long has it been since you sent the email

I don't think it's unreasonable to refuse permission for unsupervised outings for any reason tbh. Your kid, your rules. Just say it's not convenient, but thanks for the offer.

Perhaps your son saw something relating to it and asked what it was and she told him?

Surely he could come across similar information reading Horrible Histories? I am sure I had heard about this at his age.

Sorry I think you are being a bit precious. It sounds like your MIL might be prepared to engage them in interesting conversations. I would encourage contact

A child who is reared by an extended family is a lucky child. Please think carefully before possibly over reacting on this one.

Context is everything here. I doubt very much that your MIL started telling your DS about Hari Kiri out of the blue. And when she did I doubt he showed he was upset to her at the time. How does your DS feel? Does he want to see her again? Because that would be the most important factor for me.