Mil making life intolerable

[Boggyr]

Since having our baby boy my mil has become an intrusive and interfering nightmare. To give a better idea of context, her behaviour includes lifting my top up, feeling my stomach and telling me there was nothing there while pregnant; intense interrogation on future plans and raising her voice at me on first grandchild visit after we had gone through lockdown, jaundice and colic with our new baby as first time parents; phoning up while my mum visited for one night and becoming unhealthily jealous followed up with continued digs and messages on following visits about my involvement with my own family; Opening car door and trying to take my baby off me while he was mid feed sat on my knee. Also continued swipes about how she thinks we should lead our lives. I am receiving counselling. I am on antidepressants. I love my husband so much but this has stretched us to the limit. We have other concerns on top of this such as my husbands job that is in question. I need a breather and want to take back control. AIBU not to want to see them until I feel ready to?

*if she makes a grab

Thank you all and thank you krampusasbabysitter for your very wise words and understanding. Husband spoken to his parents properly now without me. I hope we can begin to find some peace and I will be using this tact in future if anything should happen again. It has felt like a full on attack and I will be glad for everyone’s sake when it settles down.

Unfortunately people with few or no boundaries can react poorly when their regrettable behaviour is Pointed out to them. Fully expect severe blow-back any time. Withdraw contact as much as you can and leave any actual communication with her to your husband.

Good luck!

The key to GPs who trample on boundaries is simple. Normal people don't need this.

Do you love your grandchild(ren)?
Do you want a relationship with them?
Do as your fucking told, then.

I have been low contact for a while, but gone even lower in recent weeks (blocked her from my phone and Now taking a break until I feel ready to see them again) what are people’s opinions on how I should be when I do see her again? Go in to detail of how I have been let down or just not bring it up at all? I get the impression from husband that even though she says she is sorry, she made a sarcastic comment about being allowed to see our baby, so I wonder whether she is genuinely sorry. This type of adult bully behaviour, particularly amongst family is completely alien to me.

Don't bring it up. She's better at this than you and will somehow have you apologizing is my bet. Channel the queen- never complain never explain.

Love it, yes I think ‘explaining’ myself would be giving her the upper hand.

After 20 years of gritting my teeth and keeping the peace with my in-laws I have gone NC for over a year and it's brilliant! Never been happier. Took me a while though

No one , but no one takes your baby away from you. As to lifting your top... no, no, no!!!
You need to find a voice and say "NO!!!"
Easier said than done but this is beyond normal boundaries.

My ils never had my mobile number.. Leave them to dh to deal with permanently..

OP,
You poor woman.
A huge extended break with NO end date.

Take all the time you need.
She is not your responsibility nor concern.

Your baby is.

Focus on dialing down the terrible stress you are under and take major space.

Women like her don't change.

Do everything on YOUR terms and mind yourself and your baby above all else.

Op it is devestating when ones own family does this it's the last place you expect an attack from

Oh definitely don’t bring it up with her - it will just give her more fuel!!

I’d start seeing her again - but I wouldn’t be making a huge effort - If she gets a bit much or starts the grabby thing again I’d simply walk away and lock myself in the bedroom with baby tbh!

She has no right to just take your baby when she feels like it or tell you what to do! :(