To think that when it comes to mental health.....

[Jossen]

eg depression and anxiety, it's the people who stay quiet, keep their struggles to themselves and try to carry on with little to no support, who need the most support? I'll be a little clearer. Basically a female family member of mine has undiagnosed depression and anxiety. She has no qualms about telling most of the people she meets about her struggles. That's great, don't get me wrong as more people should speak out, but what about the people who either don't feel brave enough to seek support from professionals or family/friends and who suffer in silence?

I suffer with anxiety and mild depression and in my case i haven't felt brave enough to seek professional support and i don't feel that my family are supportive when it comes to the struggles i've had over the years so i haven't spoken to them about this. Trust me, my family know i've struggled, and especially throughout lockdown, but even my parents can't muster a simple how are you. It's like they are incapable or don't feel comfortable asking the question. Although i don't bleat on to them they do know it's been a challenging few years for me my dh and our dc and i've continued to be there for them other family members, offered support etc, yet i feel that i get no support in return. A while ago i did consider calling a mental health support line, but then i was like well i don't even feel comfortable speaking about this with my own family, so how do i speak to a complete stranger.

My family member who also suffers with mental health is very comfortable discussing her entire life with people, which like i said, for her that's great as it helps her, but i struggle with this as i don't feel like everyone needs to know all of my business. But then at the same time my family (mostly my parents) have seen me looking exhausted, drained and near on breaking point yet they offer no support to me but bend over backwards for our family member who has the same struggles as me. Like i've already said, i'm glad that people feel confident enough to ask for support but some people simply don't have it in them to admit that they're struggling, so AIBU to think that people, mostly close family members, should be able to recognise when their dearest and dearest is struggling and step in to support them, even if it's just a kind word or sitting and listening to them for 5 minutes?

YANBU

It’s extremely hard to broach the subject with someone who keeps it to themselves, I have tried. It’s is just so complicated and so individual, it’s also really difficult for those whose mental health is deteriorating but are the main support for some one who is also suffering.

I could have written your post.

my conclusion is to accept that this is how it is, mental illness is not well understood and to be deeply grateful of the few who are able to show their love and empathy in the way that they do.

I am also sure myself that I have not always been there for everyone in my life who may have been suffering. We are all imperfect beings.

100% in agreement. It's awful to say but the squeaky wheel gets the oil in my experience. Meanwhile us silent sufferers get little to no support.

What do you want them to do? If you’re insisting on keeping it to yourself they have few options, as you’re giving signals that you don’t want help.

I think family/friends should notice, listen and support. I also think that lots of people who talk about it get shut out though, lots of people respond to them poorly too. It is really tough when you struggle to discuss it, but if you can at all, even one person can help. My friend struggles to speak in person and we have an agreement that we message about it sometimes if we need support. Doesn’t have to be a detailed message, just ‘struggling a bit’ and then the other person knows to offer support. I think some people are anxious to ask if a person struggles to bring it up, but when it’s your parents that’s really difficult. I do think sometimes family members have a blind spot when it comes to their own loved ones struggling. I’m sorry you feel unsupported, it can be so tough. Sometimes a stranger can be easier because it comes without the same history and if you don’t want to speak to them ever again, you don’t have to, if you do feel able at any point, a call to a mental health line could help. Equally, if you’d find it easier to write, there are some online chat box ‘helplines’ that might be less stressful than talking over the phone.

Dh works in an area where he experiences a lot of people with sometimes quite serious mental health problems and will always say it’s the people who don’t threaten to kill themselves you need to keep an eye on. People who might be struggling but are just quietly getting on with it until one day they aren’t.

I didn't realise what I was struggling was anxiety. I just thought I was failing at everything. It was only when a wonderful friend said she was having therapy and the reasons that I realised and was able to get help.